Jan 25, 2008

Sharing some more of my life


Hi!

I have so much to share and have been struggling with how to word what is happening here in our lives and hearts. Everyday I sit and ponder, but haven't been able to get it boxed up and put into postable words.


I have been seriously struggling for the past 3 months, with the closing of Guatemala and a growing uneasiness in my spirit, which became a spirit of exceeding heaviness. My husband was feeling the same. We began to have sleeping problems and disturbances, on top of the daytime heaviness that was weighing us down and making us feel like we aged 100 years (yep, I kid you not).

I was thankful to have so many to pray for during this period of personal struggle, as it made me more productive spiritually, during my many sleepless nights.


My friend Hallie, on Tuesday, asked me how I was, as we entered our Tuesday bible study (we have one together on Thursdays too). I told her fine, as truly I was as fine as I could muster, but she said she could tell I was troubled~"As it always shows on my face." (I'll have to work harder on that ;-)

So as we sat watching the video segment of Hearing God, (by Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God) I asked God 'what was going on in my life that now it was showing on my face?' I was startled as He answered me.

God said, (as I am sitting in this room full of woman who are intently trying to draw from the wisdom of Priscilla)..."You are having a Guatemalan miscarriage."


My eyes filled with tears and I thought," Why did He tell me that, and WHY now?"


Fortunately I had 15 minutes more of video teaching in which I could pull myself together. I am sure it was showing on my face. It also happened that this was a very intimate day of sharing and praying for each other. I held my tongue and didn't share with anyone what God had just revealed to me. Personally, it was to deep and painful to open that moment and beside Hallie, I am not sure I'd want to share it with anyone. With the pain that comes from secondary infertility and the 15 years I have been part of its emotional swings, and the knowledge that others at the table may have experienced such huge loss as miscarriage in the physical or the spiritual-I used self control and digested my word from God.


After bible study I did call my husband, we later discussed what it could mean, besides the obvious. We began to pray and fast, seeking God together for the answer.


Wednesday we went forward after our church service to receive prayer. It was an incredible time, a man came and prayed over us. We told him nothing and he began to share with us what God was directing him to. He spoke that we carry a strong anointing of the Spirit of Reconciliation, that God is changing our path, but we are to hold to his promises and that we are raising up a generation for Him, we are to rescue and to administer his love, being his hands and feet, that though this path is closed, the new path is clearly open, the loss we have been experiencing in the physical is also in the spiritual, tonight God was going to reach into our bellies and remove the heaviness we had been feeling. God asked us to stand by Him and hear his voice. My Knight was weeping quietly, but I heard him. The prayer minister left us and we continued to stand in His Presence.


A few minutes later, another prayer minister, this time a woman came and laid hands on me. She began praying and then led me away from my husband, she said the Lord had something just for me. She walked me maybe 20 feet to the left and then began praying over me, she laid one hand on my heart and on my back. I don't remember exactly what she said, but the next thing I know she is saying,' Just stand here, just stand here.' She stepped away with much speed and urgency, I heard commotion around me and the next thing I knew was she was back with another minister. The second woman began to prophetically sing over me. I can't tell you how moving it was in my spirit. I had never heard God sing over me before. The first woman prayer minister began to hold me and weep. God's Presence was thick, heavy and very sweet. The song was beautiful and humbling.

When we got home my husband told me that God had given him a vision and a Word. He saw our baby, she was dark skinned and beautiful. God also showed him a map of where she was. He also spoke her name-which was a name almost forgotten, but spoken to us by God in 2002. He told my husband that this would be her name and that she was coming.

I am overwhelmed in even writing this. Today we are calling our agency and asking to be switched to the Ethiopian program. We have such peace and joy.

Our hearts are full, our heaviness has been lifted and though a stack of paperwork is in our coming days, we are full of joy and eager to see the children God has for us in Ethiopia.

41 comments:

Tracie Loux said...

Oh Kimmie,
Thank you for sharing that incredible encounter with the Lord. It reminds me of Hosea 6:1 "What He has torn, He will heal. What He has bruised, He will bind."

That scripture has been such comfort to me in my own sorrow, realizing that He doesn't leave us in our sorrow. He is ultimately the restorer and healer.

MAY LIFE SPRING UP IN YOUR HOME AND IN YOUR HEART AS YOU LOOK TO ALL THAT HE HAS PROMISED!

Randi said...

Kimmie, I am crying some tears of joy with you right now. This is wonderful news. God knows the desires of our hearts even more than we do, and it is beautiful to see Him leading you on the right path.

I am once again looking forward to meeting your newest additions!

Cindy said...

Oh Kimmie, I love how intimate and personal our God is. I'm rejoicing with you.

ManyBlessings said...

What an amazing testimony. Praying you find yourself in His will as you head down a new path He has chosen for you. Congratulations!
d:)

Bobbie-Jo said...

Kimmie,

Such hurt and such healing! Our God is so huge and so sufficient. My heart is skipping for you. Praise Him!

Nunnie's Attic said...

Oh gracious Lord, Kimmie. What a powerful and moving post. I can't even begin to think of the words to aid you in your wait but I take comfort that God is with you right now.

Love,
Julie

Stacy said...

Oh, Kimmie!
Beautiful.

And- ETHIOPIA!!! Our hearts are yearning for a child from Africa! Ghana and Ethiopia are often in my prayers.

Exciting! I can't wait to see this dark-skinned beauty God will set into your family!

~Stacy

javamamma said...

Beautiful! Praying as you continue this journey - now down this path of road. God is faithful.

blue thistle books said...

I am weeping with you my dear friend! And running to the phone right now!!!

Amy said...

I am just weaping Kimmie- thank you for sharing this experience. Ethiopia is amazing... Amy

Anonymous said...

"I used self control and digested my word from God."

I am always so envious of those with such self control. What a brave example of it. My heart seems to be on my sleeve more than I would like.

Your words from our God encourage us all and am so thankful that you are willing to share them with us. May you continue to seek Him and His wisdom.

"in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:6

Julie S.

Shawnda said...

I am absolutely THRILLED to hear this Kimmie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I rejoice in the Lord's kindness to you! Thank you so much for sharing in such sweet detail!

keep us updated!

Christin said...

I'm crying here. Honestly. I'm just so touched at the personal touch of God.

I'm speechless. But so overjoyed for you and your hub. God bless you. may this just be the beginning of God's gentle voice and healing...

Anonymous said...

God is perfect in every way... in every circumstance... in every action... in every word!

My sister in law is from Ethiopia. There are SO many miracles there waiting for loving arms!

Praising God with you!
KH

Velvia said...

Hi Kimmie!
I sit here in awe as I read your beautiful post. How great is our God!!!!! I will be praying for you and your family as you turn your eyes and hearts toward Ethiopia and your precious children that are waiting for you there.
Love, Velvia

Foxy5 said...

Wow wow wow! I know I only know you through your blog but I can't help but to cry and rejoice right along with you. I am truly and deeply overjoyed with your Ethiopia news! Your encounter with the Lord sounded beautiful. A moment to cherish. :) Keep us (fellow bloggers) posted on your new journey.

Stepping Out of the Boat said...

Oh Kimmie--I am crying! As I read the words of your Guatemalan miscarriage the tears filled my eyes as I was flooded with the emotions of losing our boys in Haiti. But praise Jesus for showing you so clearly where your children are. As I sit here with my little man in my arms, I know that before the foundations of the earth were formed He chose this child for us. He has your children chosen for you...and I can not wait to see Him reveal them to you, and then you reveal them to us. Praise Jesus for this miracle in your lives!!!! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing from the depths of your heart, and sharing your very personal encounter with our Living God. You are a beautiful beacon of light for the Lord and for adoption!!!! Praise Jesus for you!!!

Anna said...

This is so exciting! The adoption journey is never dull, is it? I so often hear powerful stories of God's direct words to His people during an adoption process. I know that He spoke to me very clearly.
Prayers are with you.

Debbie said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. God is so faithful!

My heart rejoices with you.

julie said...

Oh Kimmie, what a beautiful post. One I can most certainly relate to.

My hubby and I are sitting on our dossier while praying for guidance in our journey to adopt from Ethiopia. Lately we have felt a strong leading towards adopting a sibling group. This is a big change for "our" original plans. We have been praying and listening quietly to make sure we are hearing God clearly.

Please pray for us. I will definitely be praying for you.

This is wonderful news.

Luv
Julie

Anonymous said...

Kimmie, my name is Camee and I am crying for joy with you right now! I can barely put into words how I feel after reading about your precious experience with and from the Lord... so I can only imagine what you must be feeling. To sum it up ~ Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Please know how totally encouraging your story here is. A beautiful and timely reminder for me of the intimate and so personal connection God wants to have with us. Oh, I am so happy for you!!! :) In amazement and gratitude for your burdens being lifted and the revelation of your new daughter to come, Camee (I have been reading your blog for some time now and asked for prayer for my ex-husband, Brandon, a month or two ago on Prayer Request Sunday. That's who I am. :))

Quinne said...

Hi Kimmie :) Wow! I am praying with you and for you - and am overjoyed at His plans for the future. Love, Q

Lovella said...

Praying for you and your child that is on the way . .
sleep well . . .and many hugs.

Anonymous said...

Kimmie,
Camee here again. I just re-read my entry and realized I pretty much addressed the latter part of your story and not the first so much. I wanted to also acknowlege the pain of your "Guatemalan miscarriage" and let you know that I will pray for you and your family for the comfort and strength your hearts need as they are healing. Praise God that "He never allows the hearts of His own to be shattered without excellent reason and eternal purposes." (Beth Moore) And that He came to bind up our broken hearts. I love that! May you continue to hear His "song over you" resonating through your spirit as you cling to him. Hugs to you and yours ~ Camee

Our Red House said...

Wow. I am so proud of you.

Hugs to you and your family.

I wish I was more open to God's work in my life. I pray constantly, but perhaps not always effectively.

Could you please pray for me? I feel I am in a rut with my faith and am afraid to move forward. Your post really moved me. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kate

Ashley Winters said...

Wow Kimmie! That is so powerful! God clearly has a child intended to be a part of your family, one little soul that needs to be nutured by you and your husband. May things move swiftly for you now that your fate has been revealed!

Jenny said...

Wow, what an awesome testimony of God's direction! I am excited for the new path that God is leading you to. He is so faithful to show the way, isn't He?

On a side note, you are completely right to feel that you had a "Guatemalan miscarriage." After having an actual physical miscarriage and having a failed adoption, I really do see the same emotions and grieving. They are emotionally very similar. Take time to sorrow and let God heal your pain. I will continue to pray for you.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work in within us. Ephesians 3:20

I've been thinking alot this year about God being able to do more than we can even ask or imagine, the impossible things. Praying that you see Him do some "impossible" things in your adoption journey.

Blessings, Jenny

Amrita said...

God speaks to us in mysterious ways and uses His people. Praise God. May he comfort and bless you and lead you on.

Have you read the biography of Amy Carmichael? She rescued little temple prostitutes and abandoned female babies in India.

Sniz said...

Bless you and your heart, Kimmie. I've never known anyone who is sooo dedicated to rescuing children. The revelation about rescuing a child from Ethiopia is so exciting.

Rain said...

Hello,
I just found your blog through another fav. blog site. What an AWESOME God we serve. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, it was a real encouragement to me this morning. You have a beautiful family.
Rain

Tracy said...

Wow, Kimmie. This is wonderful new direction! My very close friend should have here baby Ezra from there this next month! He is so yummy I just can't wait to hold him...I am so super excited about this for you.

Mom said...

Bless you in your journey! I loved the term "miscarriage" used in this situation - I had not thought of that before, yet there was something powerful speaking to me when I read that phrase...

I have one daughter from Ethiopia. We did not get to go to Ethiopia - rather, she came to us via disruption. But, Ethiopia has been in my heart ever since. May you have a blessed journey to your daughter!!

Theresa
www.largefamilymomma.blogspot.com

Cahleen 何凱琳 said...

I'm so happy for you, Kimmie! God is so faithful, isn't He? I can't wait to hear what happens next in this journey. And one day when you're telling your little girl this story, it'll truly be amazing. Yes!!!!

P.S. I tagged you for a little something over at my blog. =)

Sondra said...

Kimmie, praise God. When he closes one door he always opens another.

Jennifer said...

Kimmie, You are an inspration to all of us. Thank you for sharing.
God bless you.

Sharon said...

Kimmie:

I'm getting chills reading your blog! Mike and I have just committed to adopting two sisters from Ethiopia, a 6-yr-old and a 4-yr-old. We felt God calling us on this one big time, even though we're not in the best spot for it financially right now. Just finished the China adoption and 2 in college! We're trusting Him to work out the details.

ConservaChick said...

What more can I say that hasn't already been said? My prayer is that God will bless your sorrows and joys in ways that words can not. ~K

BittersweetPunkin said...

Hi Kimmie...I am hoping you are better today...you are always in my prayers.
Blessings,
Robin

Jenni said...

Prayers for your healing from the miscarriage, because I know it is as real in the heart as a physical miscarriage...

But absolute excitement and joy at the knowledge that God has children for you in Ethiopia...I cannot wait to read of how the adventure unfolds.

carrie said...

I don't think I've ever commented over here, but I've heard all about you from Hallie. She thinks so much of you and is excited for us to meet when I get there in April.

I just wanted to say I got chills reading this post. What an experience. Wow.

kittyhox said...

Wow.

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I'm praising God with you that he has a new plan that has already begun to heal your broken heart while uniting you with the daughter that is already yours, halfway across the world.

May he bless your special family abundantly with his presence and grace.

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