Feb 1, 2008

Sew fun

Scraps and rainbow thread

Moments of escape from the normal cycles of mommahood. Time to look around and see what can be created, something hopefully useful.
These were definitely needed, as I had thrown all our old potholders in the trash. The black and plaid potholder used to be a womans vest, the yellow potholder was just a wee scrap that caught my eye while looking through the piles or remnants at Joann's (a fabric store). The yellow one was a wee plain, so I embroidered a little heart, perhaps not practical in the world of potholders, but sweet to me none-the-less. Not perfect, but neither am I.

Potholders are a lot easier to get your mind around than adoption for me. Last night my Knight and I signed our new contract with our agency (All God's Children International), quite the stack of papers, as we had to sign out of our old contract with them for Guatemala, sigh. Hopefully next week we get to talk with our social worker Ray, who will be rewriting our homestudy for us so that it is properly worded for Ethiopia. Our agency told us back in December that it should take us about a month to get all our paperwork corrected and resubmitted, I hope that time line is right.
God has been speaking some things to my heart. He asked me to come to Him and ask him for something specific about our adoption. When He spoke it (I again was in my Hearing God bible study), tears again welled up in my eyes. I realized that I have a BIG fear lieing deep within me, a fear that really keeps me from trusting God. Because as He told me to ask Him, I told him it was too hard, I wasn't sure if I could trust Him for that. What if it didn't happen, what if it was just about doing it -my sorrow from 15 years of infertility made the tears run down my face and my head hang. I told Him I wanted to believe Him for it, but that I wasn't sure that I could open that up. Honestly, my Knight brought it up last night as we were signing the contract stack and I found myself weeping. He asked me what was going on and I couldn't even tell him. That is bad, a fear that is big enough to keep you from even being able to speak it out loud.
I am praying that He gives me the strenghh to share it with my Knight, last night I was just too exhausted to even open it up. So many years of crying, hoping, waiting, and having to wonder if the answer was always going to be "no." Praying hard against bitterness and trying to give God all of my heart, but holding back the last piece because I am just too afraid to give it to Him.
Fear is no good and I KNOW it is never from God, but as we know KNOWING and doing are two different things.


Michelle said...

Oh, Kimmie. I don't know what to say other than I'm praying for you to be able to give God that last little piece.


Randi said...

You will be in my prayers today. And I am leaving you some ((HUGS)) here in your comments.

Blessings to you.

Emily said...

Don't JUST rest in God's strong hands. God gave you a husband. He knew that we women needed a strong human being to hold us, to lean on, to show us things in a different way.

I think you should snuggle up next to him, feel safe in his arms and tell him everything. Then just listen to what he says.

that's my .02.

Amrita said...

Ggod is leading you through all this for a purpose. he is with you.

Love the pot holders.

javamamma said...

Your creations are beautiful!

I love your transparency - seeing you on this journey makes me love Jesus more and respect your heart for Him.

Lovella said...

Oh Kimmie, I'm sending you hugs today too. I pray that you'll be open your heart to your husband .. .you need each other through all of this.

Anonymous said...

My heart goes out to you, Kimmie, as you struggle with these issues. If I could hug you from Australia I would.

I really like your potholders; I'll have to try making some myself.

Earlier this week I sent an email to you and your daughter about kangaroos. I hope it got there.

love and prayers,


Quinne said...

Hi Kimmie :) Sending hugs and lots of love - and prayers. Love, Q

Kimberly Baggett said...

Thanks for the comment! I am glad I found your blog...I love your creations as I love to be crafty as well! We, too, switched countries to Ethiopia after much prayer and seeking Him...Trusting in the Lord is sometimes difficult even though we know He calls us to do so...we have all been there many times...praying for you during this time! Many blessings!

Anonymous said...
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Velvia said...

Hi Kimmie!
I'm praying for you!
Love, Velvia

Anonymous said...

Praying for you!
For your Prayer Request Sunday, please pray for those who would love to adopt but cannot afford to. God has blessed you tremendously in this way and is, like our agency said a decade ago, providing the money for you to take the "long-desired trip by boat instead of plane. A longer journey, but a funded trip nonetheless". Pray for those who can neither afford the plane or the boat, but must look at the pictures of the trip others have taken and continue to yearn with no consolation. (Speaking metaphorically here, of course!)

UKBob said...

Hi Kimmie, I'm sure I would be more at home dealing with potholders than adoption too, paperwork and red tape is not my thing at all so really I feel for you all. Bob.

Nunnie's Attic said...

I watched my sister struggle with the same fears that you have. It was the only time her faith was ever questioned. But you will get through this as did she. Satan is crouching in the corner waiting to attack on your weaknesses. Put on the full armor of God, Kimmie. He will protect you and guide you.


Penless Thoughts said...

Such a precious, tender, open post Kimmie. My heart is with you. God is able and more than enough to handle anything and everything for you.

Sondra said...

Still praying for you! Nice potholders you made and yes it is good to have something to do to keep your mind busy.
I love the picture of your cat on the dishwasher. Mine likes it there too- wonder why they like that? I think mine just wants attention.

BittersweetPunkin said...

Kimmie..I will keep you and your family in my prayers! Thanks for a wonderful post...

Amy said...

Kimmie- thank you for that post... your words were exactly what I am feeling and if I could write as good as you I could have written that myself ;0) Trust me, I understand fear. I understand taking a BIG leap of faith, even when down deep inside you are trembling. I am there right now... tiny baby steps... reaching out for God's hands because my steps are so unsteady. I know what He is asking me to do- so I said yes... and now, we wait for His perfect plan to unfold. Remember, you don't have to do this in your own strength. Praying for you... Amy

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