Sep 11, 2008

True Friendship


On Monday morning, I called a friend of mine to see if she had time to run to the lake with me after lunch. It was short notice, but her answer was 'sure.' We have been friends for 6 years or so, we go to the same BIG church, and also now are both homeschooling.

At the lake we discussed homeschooling quite a bit, finding what works for your teaching style and your children's learning style. I shared that over the past 12 years that I have learned to hold curriculum loosely and the Holy Spirit firmly. If you had to put me in a box with how I homeschool, well I can't say unschooler (because the Holy Spirit corrected me when I said that last week to you-about us-), can't say relaxed, can't say Charlotte Mason type, can't say student driven, or typical...but the Lord told me I could say,'Spirit led' homeschooler. (Gal. 5:25).

Then, we started talking about friendship. And the pains we have both had in wanting deep-real-friendships. We both know the conditional kind, the one-sided kind, the manipulative kind, the 'shallow-surfacey' kind, but we are in a quandary on why there isn't more true transparent deep friendships. We both have lost our hearts in trying, we have shed many tears and walked the 'I quit' route of friendship.

I began pondering what we spoke of and have been asking the Lord why this seems to be such a huge problem, even within the Body of Christ (with Believers).
I personally think (though I am sure God will correct me if I am wrong), that it stems from two areas: fear and self.

Think of all the words that you have known in friendship: comparison, jealousy, competition, manipulation, intimidation, controling....
I must say that in the past 5 years, that God has brought me friends. Ones who hold me accountable, ones who speak the truth in love to me, ones who accept me as I am. I am also blessed to have a sister in law (Rachael) who married my baby brother-who is a true best friend.

I'd love to hear from you...has anyone done a bible study on this? Anyone have any wisdom to share with us? Love to know what you have learned in deep meaningful friendships.


Greta Jo said...

Kimmy- Your post brought tears to my eyes. I have 'lost' a great amount of 'so called friends' over the years. My 'so call friends' left me during the break up of my marriage(which still hurts deeply), and/or the adoption of my son.
True friendship is very hard to come by and difficult to keep...
I am still praying for some 'true friends'.

Shawnstribe said... learning....ortrying to not to offend or to be allowing things to go and forgiving and starting afresh, im learning more about Jesus love and in turn trying to become a better friend....having said all this, ive sobbed many tears....
I'm learning to rely on Him

Emily said...

I've learned a lot from The Holy Spirit as far as forgiveness and not expecting too much from others. When I have too high standards, (i.e.: Why doesn't she do 'this?') my feelings would get hurt. I'd be disappointed. But really, we're all pretty messed up and don't meet each others needs.

So, my life lesson these past few years? More Grace...less Grief.

Sondra said...

Just stopping by to catch up. I have been away for awhile. Great post on friendship. I have lost several very close friends and have sometimes given up on friendship. It makes no sense to me either. I love your screen door pictures from the post below. Too adorable.

Joy Portis said...

I would love for you to pass on any wisdom you find in this area. I can't say that I've experiences the same hurt from friendships, basically because I haven't found the time to develop many. I have lots of "friends" from church, tennis, community... but I find it hard to really put the time and energy into many friendships because I'm giving all I have to my family and then I really want some quiet time to myself instead of girl time. So if you ever find that Bible study please pass it on! I find it even stranger that I consider some of my best friends to be those I only know through this world of blogging :-)

Renata said...

I know that it takes a long time for me to make deep & meaningful friendships. I also have learned not to expect perfection in friends - that we will always differ in opinions about things, but to love them anyway. I also don't like to make waves too often, so I only choose to make issues of really important things.

Jeff and Amy said...

Sounds so close to home, I find myself really longing for the true friendship too. I think my life had become so much apart of my boys lives but now that they are 17 and 20 and I looking around and wondering who are my friends???? I long for those who will hold me accountable, who will listen, cry with me and rejoice. I am working on it, have a lunch date with a couple woman from church next friday :) Thanks for the post and letting others know we are not alone in our journey.

Letitia said...

I can so relate to you on both issues you hit on. This spring at a small conference where I was in a group of 4 veteran homeschool moms answering questions, that's exactly what I said, "We homeschool by the Spirit." I think they all~including the other 2 moms on the panel~thought I was nuts. I do tend to slip into saying we are relaxed homeschoolers, but I believe I change that, because doing what the Spirit guides us to, is exactly how we homeschool, and thank goodness it's relaxed! LOL!
I have been at a point of not having friends for several years now. In fact, I just mentioned that in my blog today. I am praying for the Lord to change that. Will you consider that a prayer request for your Sunday requests?! I am glad to know you here!
P.S. I am considering switching my blog over here. How do you connect with other homeschooling bloggers since it is open to all?

Anonymous said...

Now that i'm closer to 40 (not that that's the turning point of wisdom~!) I have finally come to stop pining for the deep friendships in other women. I realize, finally, that they can be just as shallow, just as fun, just as unnerving, just as fallible, just as difficult as I can be ~ yet in different hues and intensities. It's when I stopped seeing myself as this "perfect friend, pining for a REAL relationship" that I found some good friendships held loosely. We all know this ~ but it is worth repeating as I need to hear it ~ we have One Friend who is True... all the others will fail us in some respect. All others will fall short. Only the Lord will fill that longing in my life ~ and then when I realize that, I can appreciate the good friendships around me and release the bad friendships more easily. That sure has helped in the decades of friendship struggles I have had!

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