Jun 24, 2009

From deep within

I have to confess, I have a broken heart.
If you have ever experienced one, you'll be sympathetic. If you ever browsed pages of
*waiting children* perhaps you will be able to relate.
On Friday, I popped into our agency's waiting child pages. For the past few months, we have been praying over a sibling group of three. I had cried out to God so many times for Him to rescue them. I asked Him if it could be *us.* We talked to the agency, but they said we had to wait the full 9 months post adoption. The rule is so that bonding could happen and be well rooted, before you embarked on becoming emotionally involved in another adoption. I understand the rule, I just don't like it. Especially now.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled they found a family for them. However, I really did love them. I find myself crying as I pray, crying as I read my bible, thinking about how I opened my heart to them.

Of course this isn't the first time this has happened.
Actually, it has happened a lot of other times too.
Having a tender heart is a gift I am told. Sometimes I have to bow my head and just cry. I know full well, that Jesus is asking me to live it out. He doesn't desire that I keep my heart for myself, but that I open it up, pour it out and offer up the shattered pieces once again to Him.

Its good that I know He is in the healing business.

God has *others* for us, in due time He will direct our path. You and I can count on it. But for now Lord, would you watch over those 3 wee ones and prepare them for their new family. Let the healing begin and let them grow in wisdom and knowledge of You all of their days. May love flood them and may they receive it and give it out with abandon.

I ask this in Jesus' name. amen.


Pastoor Family said...

Kimmie I have experienced that also, but isn't it so comforting to know that God knows who your children are and holds them in his hands until you are able to do so yourself?! When I remember that, I am able to be at peace again. My heart doesn't break so much any more for other peoples children, it gets redirected to the children that are waiting for me! But of course, I know that you know this too! :)

Have a wonderful day, Kimmie!

Hope said...

A tender heart is a gift and a curse isn't it?

God has great things in store for your family and for the sibling group!

Anonymous said...

We are finding the wait until we can adopt again painful as well.Theirs no time to waste we feel,so having a wait period is like being restrained from something we are so passionate about..Jill-lovingmyamazinglife

Emily said...

I agree with your assessment that a soft/tender heart is a gift. You have HIS heart Kimmie. What a gift to have!

I'm in the waiting place and seriously can't look at my foster care stuff...makes me weepy.

Pastoor Family said...

Oops! I re-read what I said this morning and I just wanted to add that I hope you didn't mean that I don't care about other people's children! I just meant that the children that I thought belonged here in our house have now been let go by my heart and I am at peace with the fact that God has shown me that they were never meant to be mine. Hope that clarifies!


andrea said...

i just love your heart. you are so passionate for the Lord and children! I ache for you as you come to terms with this loss...you were so hopeful I bring them home. God is preparing your heart and your home for children He has chosen for you.
You have a beautiful heart.

Sarah Dawn said...

Oh my sweet, I understand, I understand. For months, I prayed for God's healing for a precious little one with a whole in his heart, secretly longing to be the mommy to hold him. God answered, healed him and brought him to a Christian family, sooner than we could have held him. Yes, our Lord is in the healing business, of broken and shattered hearts.

You just have to go and read my last post
You'll understand how I have left pieces of my heart with the children of the world.

I can only imagine the children God has planned for your family, you will love them will all His heart.

Hugs of joy and tears at the same time,
Sarah Dawn

Maria and Family said...

Kimmie I think i know the kiddos you are talking about...we met them when we traveled and almaz said they had been waiting quite a bit, due to being a sibling gr of 3I am so happy they found a home but sad for you too...i find myself scanning the waiting page too...not good! Its too early for us too.

Jill said...

Oh Kimmie...I love your heart...God wanted YOU to pray for those three little ones! I too struggle with the waiting lists...I sometimes FORBID myself to look at them...yet am then drawn again in prayer for each and every child I see! I pray that God may choose us to be parents to yet another child...not my will but HIS!
NOT my timing but his....sigh.

Greta Jo said...

Kimmie my sister- I can so relate.
I too love your heart.
Lets find a way to meet in person, I am sure we would talk and cry for hours.

julie said...

Kimmie, I have had this happen also. It is so easy to fall in love with the children on the waiting children pages. I know God has the perfect children picked out for your family when the time comes to adopt again.


Renata said...

I know how you feel - we´ve been praying for a specific little girl who needed adopting for quite a while - Ellie even prayed every night that it would be our family & truthfully so did I - she is now being adopted by another family & I´m so glad, but also sad - I still pray for her everyday & maybe I always will.

Shari said...

May God bless you...You have a special calling for loving the forsaken children...may you have courage to continue...I'm listening to "Tears of the saints" by Leeland...It's speaking for my heart ., too...we are parents of 12-7 of them are with us by adoption..

Robin said...

I often look at waiting child lists, too. My hubby can tell when I've bee looking at the photolistings. We have not adopted a child from a waiting list yet, but we did adopt one of our foster children. I long to adopt a sibling group, but it is not time yet. I am trying to wait patiently.

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