Jul 28, 2009

And God said...

Sharing a conversation I had tonight with God...sharing it in hopes it encourages and build YOU up too...
We have been going on vacation with some friends, to the same camp for the past 3 years. We stay in a large house together, equipped with a beautiful wrap around porch that overlooks the mountain, that the huge old house rests upon. On the porch was an old glider.

I loved the glider, because I would rise early before most of the camp and sit with God on this glider. I would sing to God, pray to God, question God and the best best part, was I clearly heard God's voice upon this old old glider.

The people we went with knew my love of this glider and my time with God upon it. I had shared often of my time with Him and how I longed for my time there with God each new morning. Vacation was really about this glider for me.

This year at camp was no different. Though the old glider was not in place when we arrived, my girlfriend's husband went about setting it up for us.

Then my vacation ended and the people who ran *camp* threw it out. My friends saw it and asked if they could have it. They stripped it down and drove it home, they showed it to me on their porch. I nearly cried. I *was* happy for them. As it was a wonderful couch and certainly would be put to excellent use with their family and their newly renovated porch. But something inside of me began weeping. Bitterness began to grow, as I so loved this old rocker. I asked God why He didn't give *me* the glider...we had been there too. Why didn't He let me bring it home, why wait 2 days after I left to heave it to the curb?

I even began sharing this with some close friends, as my heart was very heavy about the *loss* of the swinging sofa. They told me 'I didn't need the couch, as I heard from God all the time.' I knew they were right, but still I had *loved* this old couch and looked forward to those sunrises upon it, with God right there beside me.
Knowing it would never be again, made my heart ache. I found myself tearing up just thinking about it. I confessed I didn't want to go back to camp now.

Tonight as I sat on my porch and again thought about how I'd never have this couch again, God spoke to me.

He said, 'Do you love the couch more than me?' My eyes filled with tears and I answered in my heart, 'No Lord, you know I love you more.'

He said, 'I have given you other gifts' and this wasn't for me, though He knew I had loved it (because of Him).
He then asked me, 'Do you want my Presence or an old metal couch once a year?'

I told Him of course it was Him.

How foolish I am. It wasn't about the couch ever, it was about God's Presence. Somehow I had attached it to the couch...as it was something tangible that I could hold, when His Presence is something I have found to be fleeting in my life. I thought if I could *have* that couch all year, that maybe I could hear Him clearer, have more time with Him...when TRULY all He wants is for me to *want Him, to ask Him and to make the time for Him.*

And He wants the same for you...let's 'burn our couches' (like the explorers would do to their ships, so they wouldn't be tempted to go back to the familiar) and let us seek His Presence like never before.
I am wiping my tears and waiting expectantly for Him.


Sarah Dawn said...

Sweet friend, I understand. For me, it was a beach. A place where my Abba filled me with His peace, a peace like never before. I cried when we left, asking Him to keep it for me, and enable me to return.

But instead, He whispered, that the real gift was not the beach, but the peace that I would carry with me for eternity. And I carried His peace away in my heart, not as a memory, but as reality.

And a garden room, where I have cultivated flowers from seedlings, creating a place for my times with Him. I'm dismantling it now, to move nations. When we gave away the little table, tears trickled down my cheeks. but once again, my Lord whispered to my heart, He is the real gift and His presence is what I long to cultivate in my life.

Asking the Lord to give you glider moments without the metal bench, as He rocks you in His love.

Sarah Dawn

Cari Bacon said...

I know what you mean by feeling pain of letting go of something tangible. Praise God that He is everywhere, and that He chose to teach you something in the moment of your grief. It's hard going through a situation like that, but I love the moments "on the other side" of the situation when I realize the lesson that God shared with me. Then I can truly say, "It is well with my soul".

Anonymous said...

I do this with books... looking at Spiritual Growth books like I would a recipe book looking for *just the right ingredients* to jump start my walk with the Lord... "If only I had the right book, then I could find out a way to meet God more effectively," and such. I say these things to myself and then I hear Him say, "You have My Word. Just READ IT! It's the only book you need!"
In other words... cut to the chase!

andrea said...

hmmm...it's so hard when our human nature/hurt sweeps over us...yet God is God and he knows what our needs are...and His desire for us is so much bigger than what we thought...in so many different ascepts of our lives!
I love that you journal your dialogues with Him...it's just so beautiful!

Anonymous said...

Hey Kimmie,

They said, "Don't tell Kimmie it's gone. She'll never want to come back." That was before they rescued it from the metal heap. What an amusing story those next days were as they convinced all involved to snatch it, carry it, drive it and refinish it.

I'm looking forward to hearing the stories of how God uses it on their porch AND how God speaks to you next year during your respite here without it!

Love, Sue

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