Aug 17, 2009

An Upsetting Dream

If you've known me for more than 5 minutes, you know I have a passion for orphans.
My Knight and I are standing in a place currently, where we are seeking God on *who* He wants us to adopt. Basically, we are asking Him to tell us in detail whether a sibling group or a baby from Ethiopia. We are pretty sure He is leading us back to Ethiopia, but we of course will be listening for any and all specifics. We don't have the money needed for another adoption, honestly, we never had in any of our adoptions. We have always seen Him make a way-with each adoption we've needed to rely more and more on Him, as we've already given all we have. How exciting is that, to wait expectantly for $30,000 if it is a sibling group!
Last night I had a dream, it broke my heart- I need to share it today. It was about 2 children who are yet to be mine? Prophetic, perhaps?
In the dream we are sitting in a semi circle of folding chairs. They are set up outside, most of the chairs are empty. Way down on the left side are 4 children, all about the same age. Two are mine, two are not. The two who are not say to my two, "Our mothers told us the only reason you are here, is that your parents are dead.'

The mothers were sitting on the far right end of the chairs, totally unaware that their 'conversations' were out of the bag and that I had heard.

Now it might have been true, that their birth parents were dead, but the fact was that what those two children said, was just plain mean. My children sat there stunned, hurt and without words. I could see their eyes swelling with tears, that they valiantly tried to hold back.

I, on the other hand began to weep uncontrollably. I was standing to the back of the chairs, enough distant back that no one could see me. My tears flowed at the cruel words that had stung my children's heart. Words that couldn't be taken away, a hurt that only God could heal. No one came to comfort them, no one came to comfort me. I was stuck and unable to move. I couldn't stop crying, the pain from the tears was wrenching my heart- I thought it might literally burst open.

Then I woke up. An hour later, and still my stomach feels sick from it.

Would you pray for my family? Would you consider adding us to your prayer list. We sure do need to hear from heaven on our adoption, that will begin in October.

As a woman who has had years of infertility, my heart longs for a tiny baby. I don't want to decide based on my *wants,* I want to clearly hear from heaven...as His will is better than mine. How do I know? Well, let's just say that 4 of my children came at 3.5, 3, 4 and 5...at times in my life when I was *desperate* for a baby. I had to set aside my will during these adoptions, to say 'Yes,' to His perfect and pleasing will. AND I am so glad that I did, I worked my way away from the tears of *no tiny baby* and opened my heart to the older *babies* He destined for me. They were perfect for our family, chosen by God and we couldn't love them more.

My heart's cry is more of You Lord, less of me. Pressing deeper into my soul, deeper into prayer and tuning my ears to my Father's voice-knowing that He will leads us on roads of righteousness for His namesake. Seeking Wisdom and reading this today with more tears:

seeking God's will

and

Peace only He can give me

14 comments:

livin4gzus said...

Remember, Beloved of God, He keeps each tear in a bottle. I believe even the ones that only fall on the inside, or in dreams. I envision my tear bottles lined up with the Sonshine streaming through them making a beautiful mosaic of my life.

Allison said...

Oh, Kimmie, my heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you all in my prayers!

SocialWkr24/7 said...

I will certainly keep you in my prayers - God has such wonderful plans for you. I know, cause He promised! - Jer 29:11

Kimmy said...

Yes, I'll be praying for you.

Sarah Dawn said...

An honor and a privilege .. especially because we will be on the adoption path to Ethiopia together.

I love the realness here, the pain, the tears, the joy, all wrapped in His blanket of love.

Jennifer said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers, Kimmie. Today I was reading Ephesians and these few verses brought me much comfort: Eph 3:14-19 - For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

collegekim said...

Dear new friend,
Found you, i'm not even sure how, but HE knows. I'm adopted so I'm always joyful to meet adoptive parents. I wanted you to know that i am praying Ps. 113 for you tonight. What a God we have that "stoops down". Read the Psalm if you aren't familiar with it. It is your story!Mine is on my blog, not the college blog, but at www.weightingonthelord.blogspot.com. I wrote it about adoption about a year and a half ago.
In Him I pray,
Kim

Valerie said...

Oh Kimmie, your heart for the little children is just so precious. I can hear your love, your pain, your desire for these children, and it both melts and breaks my heart. I will most certainly add you and your family to my prayer list.

Hugs n' prayers
Valerie :)

Isabel said...

Dear Kimmie,
I am so sorry about that horrific dream and pray that God will wipe it away from your memory, bring healing and comfort as he holds you in his strong, capable, loving arms.
you've got such a BEAUTIFUL heart and YES, I will pray for you and your precious family!

As I was thinking about you this morning after reading your blog, I was wondering why you wouldn't want to adopt from the US.
I know people who work with adoption agencies and have adopted themselves and they say that it is easy to adopt a new-born baby in the US - for some of them it was only a 6-9month process from start to holing the baby - especially if you are open to any ethnicity.

Email me at bettsfamily@watchdog.net.nz if you'd like more info on that.

As for my trip to Africa, it will be a first of many - Lord willing. An exploratory trip to different ministries already working with the orphans.
It is my desire to be a blessing to existing ministries through raising support and/or start something. Don't know the details yet - just feel the go-ahead for the first trip - which is a BIGGIE already!

Our journey said...

Kimmie you live your love for the Lord every day. I was lucky enough to see that firsthand. I will be praying for you, B and all the kids as you seek God's will.

Amy

Lynne in NC said...

Kimmie,
Weeping and crying out to the Lord for you and yours. You are in my prayers.
Peace.

Amrita said...

Your posts showed up on my bloglines feed after ages, I was thinking you are taking a blog break.. Good to catch up.

The Red Thread Kids: said...

praying for you honey, and your sweet kids, wherever they are - always.

Diana said...

I love your heart Kimmie.

Blog Widget by LinkWithin