Mar 19, 2010

A Bit of Restoration for Kimmie


I have to admit that I came across a new blog two weeks ago, one that made me feeling rather blue.  All that I saw was a girl I used to be.  She was a girl with a Bohemian swing to her.  She was creative, so colorful and fun in her personal style.  Upon meeting her, I realized that something of me had become lost.  I actually found myself crying about it.  And the truth was, I wasn't even hormonal. 

My girlfriend, Beth came over, and I found myself actually crying telling her.  Beth has known me for awhile, she knew me when I used to be, well more like me.  I realized that after the last two adoptions, somehow I had taken a major back burner.  With good reason, as my last two adoptions were major transitions for all of us.  One doubled us in size and one was a major battleground with the enemy of our souls.

One adoption, we thought we were only babysitting for 10 days (respite care for 3 children in foster care) and one where we began in Guatemala and ended in Ethiopia after a 3 year battle.  Both brought us beautiful children, but both came with an element of surprise and spiritual attack.

I think in the weariness I became lost.  My focus was on children, on motherhood, on healing them.  As it should be. But that doesn't mean that I have to forfeit me.  I know because I asked God.  And I know that what I am saying isn't selfishness.  God made me to have more dimension!

I have brought it to God and He is beginning to work on restoration.  God cares.  He made me and knows.  I am going to spend a little time on me, God said I could.  And in truth, it will make me a better tool in His belt; as I will be functioning from who God made me to be.  I am excited, as it will make me a little fuller in my dimension as a person.  Afterall, Kimmie is not just a mother, not just a girl called to adoption, but a girl who has many other facets too.  God is polishing me, He is going to let me see His hand upon me in restoration.

 sigh. 

I am glad.

13 comments:

Sara said...

I too am on a path of restoration with my Abba. Dancing in His love. Laying down who I created myself to be and walking in His. Stepping out of full time ministry. And getting the spunk back in my step.

Hugs to you friend,
Sara

Lauren said...

I understand completely! I just told my husband yesterday that I haven't felt like me since last summer. We moved and turned our lives completely upside down then - something about my personality and being was lost in the turmoil. The last few weeks have been huge as we've taken steps to fix that. I'll be praying for you!!!

mom said...

Oh, Kimmie! I will pray for you during this time as I know it won't come without a bit of a battle with the enemy for he knows that God will use those things you are refreshing and renewing and restoring in your life to serve God more fully. Only speaking from experience :::sigh::: but knowing I wouldn't do it any differently....

Blessings,
Tammy ~@~

Spirit of Adoption said...

Oh this made me sad, Kimmie!!! I will pray for you during this time, sister! The Lord has created all those precious pieces of YOU, and those things bring Him GLORY! Yes, He wants you to shine in all the beautiful ways He has made you that you may give Him the glory for it all!!! May He restore you and give you gifts you didn't even know you had, and through it all, give you a NEW SONG! Love you MUCH!

MommaMindy said...

We all miss the women we used to be before ____________. Fill in the blank. It is whatever happened in our lives that needed more time, energy, faith and ambition. But, along with missing the old and striving to find ways to embrace that again, rejoice in all the NEW things about Kimmie. He is doing a work in you! You are more mature, more confident, closer to Him, we can see that. He has been transforming you to His image. I am so encouraged that you brought this concern to Him, He will show you how to take back the old and rejoice in the new! Praying for you today, sweet friend.

Karen in Missouri said...

Thrilled for you, Kimmie! What an exciting revelation! It is no accident that you were effected by that blog, you know that God is in EVERYTHING! He is at work in you, so that you can pour out more of His love! And, please remember that self-preservation is NOT selfishness.

Stacy said...

Amen to this, Kimmie!

There are seasons where I've said to Mark: "I am Wife, Mother, Teacher, Driver, Feeder... (fill in the blanks)... but sometimes the 'Stacy' that I am is lost. And you know what? I miss her. I miss me."

I will pray, Kimmie, right now, that God would lead you to that place of restoration. That you would find the joys and the freedom of being the beautiful Kimmie that God created you to be!

(((Much love, friend)))

the mother of this lot said...

I am glad too, Kimmie!

Summer said...

WHEN WE BEGIN TO HAVE A DESIRE TO DEEPEN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR LORD IT IS COMMON TO MOURN THE OLD SELF ..... KIMMIE I AM EXCITED FOR YOU AND I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW WHEN I CAME ACROSS YOUR BLOG WHAT AN INSPIRATION YOUR WORDS WERE TO ME THAT NIGHT AND YET ITS SILLY TO SAY I HAVE NEVER MET YOU PERSONALLY BUT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE KNOWN YOU ..... I BELIEVE THAT IT IS OUR CONNECTION TO THE LORD JESUS THAT CREATES THIS BOND..... I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU VERY VERY DEEPLY THAT GOD GIVE YOU A LIFTING OF YOUR SPIRIT BECAUSE YOU SURE DO LIFT OTHERS SPIRITS .....PROVERBS 17:22 IS ONE OF MANY FAVORITE SCRIPTURES OF MINE

Saminda said...

Sweet Kimmie, you are so right, God definitely needs us Mama's to be whole people, rested and restored! I struggle so much with guilt in this area too. Anything I do for myself, I feel guilty about it! :( So wrong. We need to build each other up in this area. We can't lose sight of who we were before our little ones came along. All the best my friend. Prayers being sent up for you! xo

Expat Mom said...

I know exactly how you feel, I often look back and realize that I've lost myself in motherhood and providing for my family.

You know, though, a tiny part of me is glad that you started out your last adoption in Guatemala, because otherwise, I never would have met you! Here's to restoration! (maybe you should make that cheese kit while you're at it).

Letitia said...

I am so glad God showed you this, and the restoration has begun. I have realized since Dec. that I am spent. Last year was full of hard, hard crises, changes, and giving everything I had to give. This year it has also carried over with many, heavy spiritual attacks on my husband and myself in direct consequence to obeying God's call. While some physical rest has come since the first of the year (which also brought a degree of mental and emotional rest), I am still in desperate need of restoration. My husband wants us to go to...well...the Bahamas! Never taken such an exotic trip. I'm having a hard time accepting that blessing!

Renata said...

You are such a beautiful person Kimmie. I would love to shine as brightly as you do for the Lord.

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