Oct 21, 2010

Sorting Through my Heart

A door has closed on a friendship.  
Clearly closed. 
Actually, it slammed shut, rather loudly.
I can finally come to the place of acceptance now.

I think it will be easier in coming days, for now the words spoken are trying to batter me. 
Words that can't be taken back, words that hurt.  

Forgiveness is when we choose love over remembrance.  
Forgiveness is when we move forward instead of looking back.  
Forgiveness is a choice we each get to make. 
It clears the path and allows the Holy Spirit to begin to walk us closer to God's heart.

Praying I can move forward.  Praying I can carry it all before God and ask Him to sort through all of it with me.  Asking that He allows me to continue to love, continue to speak what He asks me to, without fear.

I have peace- His perfect Peace.

I am asking God to help me not do what my heart desires, which is run into a cave and not come out for a LONG long time.  

Friendship is hard.
  But it is so worth it when the right ones come along.  
Here I am, me.  Waiting on God.

A friend spoke something to me this morning, she said she wanted to get together.  She said she would continue to pursue me.  Somehow her words brought tears to my eyes again, just the thought of someone wanting to pursue me.  Someone who wants to be my friend.

Not quite ready today to step out in that, really my heart is still aching.  God tells me it is because I truly loved.  

Sorting is a slow process.  And so is putting yourself back out there, for me anyway.

Pondering not sharing, but wanting to 
because in sharing I can release and begin to heal, in my hurting places within.

~Psalm 31:24~
Be of good courage (Kimmie), and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.


Karen said...

praying for you...

Melissa said...

A friend and I were super close. We were always together and we would talk on the phone everyday. Would encourage each other in the Lord. Then one day it all went wrong. We could not stop fighting with each other and using not so nice words and then we just stopped talking all together. Hurt us both so bad. It wasn't until 6months later that God revealed to me that He split us up because even though we were encouraging each other with His words, we were not going to Him first. And then it turned out to not REALLY going to Him at all. We both have since spoken and we both feel like the Lord wanted us apart and if He wanted to make us close again He would. I still long for a deep friendship with anyone, but then again, when I am truly in His presence, I don't feel so alone.

Sorry for writing so much. I am praying for you!

Rob said...

Well Kimmie, the way I see it is that if someone doesn't want you for a friend anymore their loss is greater than yours. I think it is they who need to be prayed for because they are surely lacking in judgement somehow. Anyway I'm just glad that I am not that person because without your friendship my life too would be lacking one more dear friend.

Jennifer said...

I cannot fathom why someone would not want to be your friend...you are a good and kind person, from all I've read. Sorry you are going through this, Kimmie.

Shannon- said...

ugh Forgetting is hard. especially when you leave yourself open and vulnerable-it hurts the most. Forgiveness does not take away the pain either. I think of forgiveness as- excepting that I can't change the past- what happened but I can recognize who I am, where I am, and go from there-- letting go of where I was or thought I'd be.

HUGGS. No way around it.. it still blows.

Happymom4 aka Hope Anne said...

I too had a friend slam the door on me . . . and it hurt. Still hurts. But it hurts less and less. And God is good. And He's opened doors in my life that would have been shut to me if she was still in my life. Strange. And crazy. But so like God, I think. I still love her, and hold space for her in my heart . . . just in case . . . but for now, I've accepted that my life is going on without her. I love her, but if she can't accept that love right now, that's OK. It's her choice. She is free to do as she pleases. And I am free to still love and pray for her, even though she doesn't want contact from me. I pray that you will start to see the good that God has for you . . .

Saminda said...

Love you girl. I've been through this, twice. And both doors have remained closed. I wait on the Lord and trust Him in this.... but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. It's hard. xxx

Anonymous said...

Think of how many hundreds of women live around you that you have not yet met. Think of how, statistically speaking, there is a good percentage of them that would make a great friend for you. Now, let's reduce that number a bit because of their willingness to open up to a new friend. STILL, the number is large.
Having lost that "friend" of yours recently, just see it as the Lord making room in your life to meet all those others who will be a better fit. These perspectives have kept me from going crazy over hurts of having been cut loose from friendships. You will find that special friend! Just be willing to do your own releasing as well. Sometimes I hold onto a friendship, trying so very hard to make it work because I have already invested so much time in trying to make it work that I keep riding the same circle, over and over. I have had to let a few friendships go, too.
We only have so much time for so many friendships in our short time here on Earth... find the good ones and learn from the bad ones!!

Amrita said...

Yes kimmie forgiveness is a deep choice, it doesn 't come easy, its a desicion to forget. God bless you

mom said...

{{{Kimmie}}} My heart is sad because your heart is sad!

Love you!
Tammy ~@~

Bird's Words said...

Hey... I'm doing a study of the Israelites right now. I'm at the point where they are on the brink of the Promised Land, and Moses has died. Their leader, the one who went to God on their behalf, is gone. Scripture says they mourned for 30 days. Typical mourning was 7 days, but they needed longer, adn that was okay. They mourned 30 days, then Scripture says that they moved on with Joshua. I just thought of that when I was reading your post.


God has someone in place for you, to help you, to teach you about real friendship, to walk with you.

Joshua's first instructions to them were to move only when they saw the Ark of the Covenant move. You do the same... move only when you see the Lord moving. Follow after Him, Kimmie. He's got ya!

I love you friend, and I've never even seen your face in person! I thank God for you!

Expat Mom said...

I'm sorry you have to go through this, Kimmie. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

Praying that God will give you that perfect peace.

Cathy said...

Sorry you're feeling that way. I pray you open up to this friend and other friends, and I pray that your heart would heal.

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