Sep 12, 2011

When you are Side Swiped

Yesterday my Knight and I felt like
we were hit by a very large truck. 

At our home church, it was announced a restructuring of sorts, no more Wednesday night services (which are teaching and prayer focused).  As of January we will begin to break up into smaller home groups for our meeting, the groups will be sermon based (but sans our children). 

I get why we are doing it, but as a mother of many my heart is a bit shaky.  How will no worship service on Wednesday effect my children's lives?  I understand the need for change, actually the change is being done out of desperation for getting us beyond surface~y relationships and into true love and fellowship with one another.  Still my heart is aching and very unsure, we did home groups for many years and it didn't change the lack of love and fellowship.

Then our beloved Ethiopian church announced that our Pastor is leaving.  OUR BELOVED PASTOR, who loves us, adores our children, and makes us feel much a part of the church.  A Pastor who has been willing to change up his church, just for US.  He not only preached in Amharic, but always translated for us so we would also be included in being fed and encouraged. 
This the church of my heart, the one that brought me so much healing in finally feeling connected and loved. Though it is a tiny body of Christ, its influence and effect are huge to many.

All of it really didn't hit me (and my Knight) until we got home, until we separated ourselves from the days events.  At my home church I encouraged others to trust that God would walk us through this, that we would come out better.  At my beloved Ethiopian church, I kept my tears in my heart and instead chose to build up my Pastor in not being sad, but believing God is going ahead of him to California and all that He is calling him to there.

At days end my Knight and I lay in bed saying how sad we felt, over and over I found myself saying,
"I am SAD,"
  Somehow saying it helped.

Of course God is the one who binds up the broken~hearted.  He goes before me, my Knight and my children as we follow Him in obedience.  
Still my heart weeps.  
Letting go of what you love is hard.  
(I learned this lesson first hand in having to let go 
of my 3 orphaned raccoons-
allowing them to be who
God created them to be.)

Today I am still sad, but I remind myself that God is in control and that..

He is leading me (us) to green pastures
and though
I walk through the valley (a sad place) of the shadow of death (letting go)
that YOU (my Lord and my God) are with me 
I will (should) fear NO evil.


Kathy C. said...

Change is hard and sometimes it really hurts : (

MommaMindy said...

I'm so sorry for your heartache, Kimmie.

One thing we did years ago when in a similar position was to start a home Bible study for families. It really ministered to our hearts to have prayer and Bible study with a small group that became our family. There were LOTS of kids, but the Spirit was never hindered by babbling and drooling and giggles. :)

May the Lord bring something/someone into your heart to fill that beautiful need for worship and intimacy with the Lord's people.

Rob said...

Hi Kimmie, I pray that the changes are not too disruptive for you and your family and that they end up being for the better.

"Indescribable" said...

ouch! I didn't expect to hear your news....
2 on the same day... Is there a plan at the Ethiopian Church?
Praying for God's vision to be revealed quickly!

Kimmie said...

Hi Maria;

I don't think there is any plan...just much weeping by the men and women alike. A very somber service, though we thought it being the Ethiopian New Year (Sept. 11th) that there would be some cultural celebration. There was a feast (injera,gomen,ayib,doro wot, something with lamb intestines that looked like hamburger, denish wot, some lentil dish, a spicy sauce that I can't think of the name of....all of which our eldest Ethipian loved. And the rest of my kids loved too.)

Anyway, not sure what will happen... maybe God will bring our sweet Pastor back after a season. *I've already asked God ;-) No answer, but we don't receive if we don't ask ;-)


Anonymous said...

You know that moment when you pull something mediocre away from a little one with full knowledge of the fantastic thing you are about to be replacing it with... and the little one cries with all her heart, not realizing that something amazing is just about to be discovered? That is what I think is going to happen for you and your family. Not long from now you will see why your Daddy pulled a couple of things away from you and you will REJOICE when the replacement is realized.
Blessings to you and yours, sweet Sister in Christ!

Dardi said...

We have had some of these painful changes involving church family, but looking back, it was during those times that God was up to something more. What started as discomfort & even confusion turned into growth in our faith & many blessings. Looking forward to what He has in store for you!! :o)

Anonymous said...

Kimmie, I haven't checked in here for a while, but reading this post I know why you were on my heart. Years ago when I was in a similar season and struggling, I told God that I didn't like change. My loving Father showed me that although He never changes, He is always on the move. To follow Him, I must be also. I pray He gives you the grace to trust Him in a time of change. God bless to your wonderful family.

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