Today I was thinking about trusting God.
I mean really trusting, not just like being able to say the words I trust you,
but being able to live like I do.
Over the past few months I have sat in many hospital waiting rooms with people who I love. As I was thinking of all those waiting room experiences, I began to think of how much of my actual life has been in the waiting room.
I waited on God on a godly husband, on infertility, on adoption, on provision, on friendship, for big and little things, and in prayer, over and over again since I've became a Christian as a girl. How much of my life has been spent in waiting, on positioning myself to follow Him and trying not to get ahead of Him.
I find myself back in the waiting room in many areas of my life, in parenting, in adoption, in friendship to name the BIG three. I wonder about this waiting room experience, if there isn't something more to be said here.
I am trying not to be frustrated, trying to see His hand and His timing in all this waiting. Thankfully I have peace, though certainly there are moments that doubt tries to push its way in. I far prefer action than the slow pace of waiting.
A few days back I sat in waiting rooms with my girlfriend, waiting for her knight to come out of surgery. We sat talking, laughing, going deep into our hearts together. My friend Beth and her husband Brent are true friends. They are in my life for the forever. Which made me think of this whole waiting room God thing.
Am I passing the time with Him the way I should? Am I soaking in His goodness and being thankful that He is here with me or am I always focused on the outcome. Am I a vision only girl, one who gets tunnel vision and forgets the forest in the trees?
Do I trust Him really?
Am I willing to let Him have the hard things like my children, this adoption that is on slow-cooker mode and what about my friendship issue?
I am going to sit here and ask Him. I want to enjoy Him and not lose sight of the fact that;
He indeed is here with me and wants my trust.
He wants my heart.
He cares about the things I care about.
I want to trust Him. I want to pass this test, as I feel like He has given me this revelation for such a time as this. Big things are coming (in His time) and He will walk me through it all.
He is saying,
"You can trust me.
Taste and see that I am good."