First, I want to say that God is Sovereign. No thing is impossible for Him. He is faithful and He is Lord over all...over every orphan, over every agency, over the plans of all who love Him, certainly.
Let it be known, "I am a lover of God."
that said- I am struggling big time.
We are using a U. S. agency that is a birth crisis pregnancy center. We have been with them for 2 years. We were told the wait would be between 1-3 years. We have not heard from them for nearly a year. I have been waiting patiently knowing God knows where our daughter is. We felt confident in choosing this agency way back when. I have lost confidence, my spirit is shaky.
Two days ago my Knight contacted the agency. He made an appointment to talk with our caseworker. It wasn't good news by any means. She didn't encourage us to stay the course. She recommended going another avenue in pursuit of a child.
She used the word, "trend".
I hate that word.
Seems that the trend is against us. Seems that the enemy wants me to quit. My soul is very heavy and I don't know what it is that I am to do.
I am praying.
I am fasting.
I am listening for guidance from Him.
We could easily switch to another program. We could switch from the African American program...we could do many things, including choosing a new agency. We could of course say enough and walk away.
Honestly I need help.
Please don't read this as a discouragement to adoption. I love adoption, my passion is adoption. God loves adoption and cares about every orphan that this world holds. Actually He holds them in the palm of His hand, waiting for families He calls to come for them.
Adoption is a path to His heart. A path He sets; a path that takes time.
We have run this race many times before. Both with great successes, but with several defeats. The defeats were not to harm us, but to have us cling to Him more fully. Every closed door led us into an open door to His will. Those closed doors sometimes took years, but always as we pursued Him, they led to His perfect will.
My family is standing in a place that we can't tell if the door is open or closed. I am confused and honestly very emotional. I want His will. I don't want to go off His path.
Clinging to Him, but would you stand with me in this.
I could really use some friends and some serious prayer.