Jul 2, 2013

People Pleasing


honest, this is a struggle, 
*people pleasing.*  


think I've battled it most of my life, not sure if it is due to just wanting to be liked,
 or if it is due to insecurities,
 but truth be told, 
sometimes I find myself doing things just to please others.

i think i find it particularly burdensome when i am longing for friendship. it makes you doubt and hold back, in fear that your actions (or words) will be misconstrued and that rejection will follow. it makes fear lead your actions, it gives fear a foot into the heart and thus allows insecurities to enter. hard to be confident when one is doubt filled.  hard to do much of anything when fear rules the heart and mind.
don't know if any of you have ever been in this boat, 
but then the weight of this battle seems particularly heavy.  

let me give my definition of people pleasing.

people pleasing when a person does things in hopes of winning over the other.  often with unspoken desire for praise or encouragement to come, because of the actions or words taken.  not so much out of love, but out of need or want.  it is aiming at the heart of someone else, while silently (perhaps unknowingly) screaming out to be accepted and loved (or even liked).

 it aims at the other, with underlying
desire to meet unspoken *self-needs or wants.*

of course it can be about honoring them, more than you care to honor HIM!

 it comes from not knowing or understanding ones value. 

 it happens when our worth is in the wrong place.
it happens if we invite Him to be Savior, but maybe not Lord (right then).

***
this morning I found myself in a wee little battleground.

scenario:

me sitting in my pj's writing out cards to give to two friends.

In pops God,
 He directs me in what He wants composed within these two pieces of card stock,
 that soon will be slid between two lighter pieces of paper and licked closed.

 He presses me. 

 i hesitate, because really what He is asking me to do is a bit risky.  risky in the fact that it might not be received.  risky in the fact that we are in different openness to His movings.  He reminded me of my need to people please and He challenged me to get it down in ink (His thoughts for them), regardless of acceptance or rejection.  He had stuff to say and He wanted me to get busy.

so...

I did.  

first one (which I am more certain of the embrace it will receive)...

then the other...

praying that as I did,
 He would come and do His work in our lives. 
 That He, not i would be glorified.
 That He not i would be heard.
  that the deep places in these two, would be touched and ignited for His purposes (not mine).


am i healed.  
my famous saying (according to my kids)
"Yup, nope."

i get it, but pretty sure it will come up again and God will let me choose which it will be:
'a people pleasing or God pleasing day.'
 (i say day, because as you know each day is new, 
with new battles to be won and lost. 
 hoping to win more and lose less, but i am a work in process.  ; )

Have a victorious day friends...and choose this day whom you will serve!

4 comments:

Rhonda said...

Yes and yes. Have and do certainly struggle there. On days that I feel confident, I might be prone to forget all about that "other me", even though she is such a regular in my heart. I struggle with my words, are they too much, too little, weak and watered down, too "know it all-ish". It's good that we have a little outlet to share here, because these are not the things you want to bring to dinner every evening, or every luncheon with a friend! But, I do struggle w/ this and I am fearful of people too, but those that are proven to me, I am all in and all there.

Thanks for bearing your heart some. I know it will be well received here in your little window of the world.

Hugs to you, friend! You are loved here!

Karen said...

So good to read a post from you again! :-) And it's hard for me to discern my heart and motives sometimes...am I people pleasing or serving...sometimes the two become mixed up...and sometimes I'm "me" pleasing...

Renata said...

Hi Kimmie
Oh me too!! I am a terrible people pleaser. I like your 'nope,yep' saying. Hope you and your beautiful family are going well! Love to you all!
Blessings
Renata:)

Bird's Words said...

Kimmie, thanks for this. I'm reading a great book called "gods at war" by Kyle Idleman, talking about the idols we put up in our lives. One of mine? People pleasing. Seriously humbling to come to the realization that I put so much before my Father.
Praying for you today, my friend!

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