Apr 13, 2014

Believing God in Dry Times

Believing God in Dry Times...or when you find yourself in the furnace!

I have found myself in a dry season.
A dry season that came in the midst of a trial.

  It has been a hard long journey this past year, but instead of quitting my faith (which crossed my mind several times during this time), I pressed in to the Word.  Though God seemed so very far away and the Word I read didn't seem to have any life to it, still I devoted myself to sticking to reading the Bible and praying.  Most times the prayer was mingled with tears, which seemed to only go as far as my shirt, but I would remind myself that He holds all of our tears in a jar.  

It was a hard time.  Especially hard, as we had a wayward child.  If you've ever had one you will know that it is draining, exhausting, frustrating and really can suck the life right out of you.  I was greatly saddened, but I pressed in harder.  I prayed and fasted for a long time.  In the natural not much changed, but God works in ways we can't always see.  He is a supernatural God after all!

In the hard time I decided to not go by my feelings, which can be such liars, but to continue to do what I knew was right in the eyes of God.  I read and prayed, even when my heart doubted the point to it.  I went sleepless nights to hold on tighter to our child through prayer.  We didn't see much change, or not in ways we hoped, but He was moving.  He is always moving, always active, always busy, He never sleeps or slumbers.  He doesn't leave us or forsake us, no matter what our silly thoughts might mutter to us at such times.

He began to bring in others to pray and fast with me.  It brought me to tears, as in the trial I found myself so lonely and without much friend support.  It was if He had cleared away to make it just Him and me.  Even when it seemed like it was just me, it really truly wasn't.  He surrounded me by some very strong women, who prayed and fasted for 30 days for our family.  30 days can you imagine?

Why am I writing this today?  Well, because He spoke to my heart today in a way that made me understand that He didn't leave me or forsake me
 (or mine).  

I was gardening, doing some much needed spring cleaning.  We began planting seeds today, with anticipation of a harvest in 59 days (peas).  I had been pondering not attempting another garden, as it is so much work and quite honestly doesn't really reap that much of a harvest on our property.  As I was again pondering if we should use a local space that we discovered last year, that was far more promising,
 the Lord spoke to my heart.

He said, "Why would you want to sow your seed elsewhere? This is what I have given you and here it is where you are to sow.  You have no idea what we have been sowing.  But the harvest I have prepared is not one you are seeing or feeling in your life.  It is coming and you will harvest all you have sewn with Me."  

I thought what have I sewn Lord?  He showed me all of my children.  They are my field.  He has brought them and planted them in my garden.  He has tilled them into my heart through adoption.  He has helped me have the strength to pull the weeds that have popped up, sometime weeds that were totally underground and festering in massive quantity, looking to destroy my beautiful garden.  But He didn't allow it.  He showed us the evil weeds.  He gave us the strength to speak to the weeds and tell them to go.  We began to rip out, as each became apparent to us.  We cried as we ripped at them, as it felt like our very hearts were being ripped from us as well. We got all we could see and then we fell into a heap waiting on God.  

We were spent.  We have been spent.  Spent, but not out of the gardening business.

We have been waiting.  We never stopped tending this garden.  But today I realized that like Adam, I am a gardener.  I need to embrace the gardening as though it was a gift from my Father.  I need to not grumble about the weeds.  Weeds come, we need to keep an eye open to them and a heart prepared to deal with each that tries to emerge its ugly head. Sin is never pleasant, nor rebellion, but God never quits on us. Never.

 I have had a change of heart today and am thanking God for 
 Lighting His Fire again in my heart.

Praising Him.

Sharing is what friends do.


BJ said...

Blessings, friend. I have attempted to comment on some of your other posts, and it wouldn't go through. I have had you on my mind, at various times through the last year. I am so encouraged by your testimony, by how you walk things out, even when it's quiet and alone and dark.

Lisa said...

You seem to have attained the balance between what the head and the heart are saying to you. You may never fully realize in this earthly life what you have gained by triumphing in this way - blessed is she who believes, even though she doesn't "see"!

The prayers we make always change us at least, even if they don't seem to make any difference in the other person; and like you said to me, God hears our prayers.

You have become more like Jesus by this victory over yourself.

Bird's Words said...

As a mom who has walked (and still walks with) a child who is wayward, I hear your heart's cry. I will tell you that after three very long years, I'm beginning to see fruit in his life, and it's a beautiful thing to behold. But God has shown me this year that regardless of whether or not I ever see fruit, He remains constant, unchanging, and always for me.
praying for you today, my friend, and wishing we were closer.

Greta Jo said...

Thanks so much for sharing. Your post is a blessing to me. I have many weeds growing in my own heart right now. I have waited years for a few answers and have yet to hear from the Lord on them.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful words Kimmie! Thank you so much for sharing, it touched my heart. Truth is so good!

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