Chapter One: I NEED Friends

Hi Friends, 
both far and near...

Today, we begin with chapter one of Lisa Whelchel's book, Friendship for Grown-ups.  We will forge on together, chapter by chapter into developing and growing friendships.  I am excited to see what and how God works in our hearts and lives; as we open up~ take risks and believe God together.  

I hope you will share each week what impacted you in each chapter (some of us are going back through each chapter, some are reading it for the first time). 

Please share from your notes or as you feel led, as it will not only benefit you, but us as well.  Remember, you are not alone in this- we are  holding hands and stepping together into the river of friendship. Thankfully, we are entering in with much prayer (see yesterday's post if you haven't begun with inviting the Holy Spirit to minister in your life.)

As Lisa begins the book, she shares her past friendships. She touched on gossiping and how it may be used unwisely as a tool for conversation.  She used examples from situations with some of her old acting friends (Lisa was on television for many of her teen years on a show called, The Facts of Life) - how after years of being apart, how quickly they entered back into the immature behavior of talking about someone who wasn't in the room -with a negative connotation about that person.  

Later, God gently reminded Lisa that those women she was talking (gossiping) about were His little girls and that he wanted her to stop talking about them that way.  

How often do we resort to *gossip* because of our own fears and insecurities?

Lisa began to see her identity was tied to performance... 

I think for many of us, we could say the same, I know I can.  I think my doing is who I am, it makes my worth. The more I can do, the better I feel about myself.  Of course this is a lie from the pits of hell, it is not what I do, but *who I am* ~ who God made me to be that truly matters.  Honestly, with 8 children, there are some days that I just don't get much done, honestly there are weeks that not much (or what I would consider to be MUCH) gets done...

so if my worth is set on my doing, well I am setting myself up for misery and failure for sure!

Part of the turn around for Lisa in this stage was only speaking positively about others.  As Christians,we should be manifesting the fruit of the Spirit (basically evidence of Who has taken up residence within us).

Galatians 5:22-23a

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control.

Lisa also shares about becoming a safe person...one who others feel safe with, knowing that they can be themselves with you. I have one friend, who upon meeting me said, she knew I was safe.  I never really knew what she meant by that, I never really asked her, but as I read Lisa's words- it was healing to many hurting places in my heart.  Oh, that we could be safe friends, ones that would be a haven to those who God puts in our lives.  I think one of the areas that I am struggling with is when you have to step out of being a *haven* and when and how to speak the Truth in love.

I struggle especially, as God has given me the gift of Knowledge (sometimes I know things - and I have no idea how I know that, but just that I do.) For me, learning to use the gift of Wisdom - which is basically, the *how to* apply or when to apply the knowledge God has given you.  God needs to bring me out of fear and into a deeper level of Trust in Him, as this is where I now see a large portion of my battle.

There are many life lessons within our past friendship, our current friendships and our future friendships.  What are some of the things this chapter stirred in your heart?  We need to dive in past our heart and into our head, I think or maybe it is the other way around? ;-)

Three things Lisa offers in conclusion of this chapter are...

1. Our paths will each be different through friendship
2. God will lead us each personally along the way of friendships
3. And walking it all out will take longer than we probably think. (sigh)

Coming to the place of realization that we NEED friends (for me this is huge, as part of my defense mechanism is thinking I can just do it myself, and that I don't NEED anyone.) is a great beginning point of our friendship adventure...

...I know it is for me, as I tend to take my broken injured heart and want to isolate myself; thinking that isolation means safety.  Somehow isolation becomes my protector. This is wrong on so many levels, because God made us for relationships (back in Genesis He tells us it is not good for man to be alone-you can apply this to friendship too!) He desires that we encourage each other (hard to do in isolation, eh?) and we are to build each other up in Love (also hard to do when you are more worried about protecting yourself from more pain or hurt.)  I do think some alone time is good, I do love it and crave it at times, but in all reality we NEED each other.  I want deep, real, true friendship and I know you do too~plus He very clearly tells us that He is, our Protector-so we mine as well hand it over to Him right now!

What was on your heart during this chapter of the book?