The Raw Truth

Today I opened up my heart and soul- I didn't plan it, it just spilled out.

I was at my ladies Bible Study. We were just starting. Each week we go around the table and the ladies share the week's highs and lows with each other. It was my turn to share what has been going on, since we last met 3 weeks before. I sit in the last seat, so I have a lot of time to think what I could share. Honestly, I am never sure what to share. Today was no different.

This morning I prayed, as I listened to all my friends share their hearts. I was asking the Holy Spirit to help me know what to say, when my turn came. I rehearsed what I could say, to keep it *smooth* and let my beloved teacher transition into our new study for the following week.

I don't like to get emotional. Funny, because I am a tender hearted soul. Those two statements just don't mix, do they?

Well, I think I got about 10 words out, before I found myself sobbing. I had a hard time pulling myself back together and finding *the words.* Honestly I would have been fine to just put my head down on the table and continue to let those tears out.

Something came out like my highs and lows were mixed together in adoption. The low being we have nothing left financially to give. We are empty on all accounts and beginning to feel bone-weary from the ride. My Knight and I have hit a wall, we are empty and unless God shows up to refresh us, we are in trouble. We are beyond drained, honestly we are totally spent. We don't have anything left to even lift our arms up to God.

period.

Let's move to the high.

The high is a dear friend of ours has stepped up to help us lift our arms. He is my best friend's (who is also my sister-in-law, Rachael) dad, Bob. Bob has offered to do an adoption fundraising dinner on Feb. 27th, to help us gather funds. We are so blessed. We are humbled by the gesture and by the love they are pouring out for our family. Honestly, as my sister-in-love shared about her family jumping in to help with the dinner (food), I found myself stuffing down sobs. He printed out 300 tickets and is believing we can sell them. He also is planning a raffle and a silent auction to help us raise cash.

We are standing in this place because we have obediently followed God. We didn't create this- financial need...unfortunately adoption is expensive. God asked us to go back to Ethiopia, led us to our near 11 year old daughter and is asking us to walk out the details. He has not left us, but the road has tired us out. We seriously have given EVERYTHING.

I don't like crying. (does anyone though?) I don't like being *needy. I really don't like being the center of attention~ ever. really.

But, if it helps get my beautiful daughter home, so be it Lord.

Did I tell you that I told the Lord that, "I would beg out on the street if I had to for the money." Do you know what He said. He said,

"My children don't have to beg, they just have to ask me and believe."

Forgive me Lord, I am so tired. The road has been long. I am believing you ...it is so far beyond us.

Lord come.