Asking You about Friendliness...
Wondering if anyone could point me in the way of becoming more friendly...
in my quest to get myself out there and take off some of the things that have kept me from being as warm as I should be with others, the Holy Spirit told me I should work on being friendly.
Thinking I should start a list...and don't laugh, yes I googled it:
Definition: friendly,
Definition: friendliness,
The basics of friendliness...(I read the book...How to Win Friends and Influence People)
The search didn't really open my eyes,
and I think all of you have so much more to offer in regards to this question
...so...
I am thinking it all starts from the heart and the intention that lies there in.
A smile.
A listening ear,
a kind word,
genuine interest in the person,
a compliment from the heart,
compassion,
reaching out to others,
eye contact,
body stance,
caring,
love,
a gentle spirit...
What would you add or subtract to this?
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15 comments:
Kimmie,
You have a great start on it there! Smile is a big one and not being afraid to "put yourself out there". Sometimes it's a risk to start up a conversation, but when you make a connection, it is all worth it! (A compliment is good too)
Another thing I like to do is to look at someone they way I think God might look at them...seeing their strengths and good qualities. Maybe the person wants to talk and maybe they don't, but by being a smiling face and sharing kindness could open up all kinds of doors.
You will do great!
Teresa
Good questions Kimmie. I think asking questions about the other person is a good place to start. Most people like talking about themselves, lol. Just be careful not to get too personal/close too soon. In real life that seems to scare people off. At least it does me. It's easier to share on the internet. I guess it's less threatening. I'm looking forward to seeing what your other readers have to say about friendliness.
Similar to what Teresa says- when I meet a new person, and we don't naturally hit it off, I ask myself this: "What is God's favorite thing about this person?" I'm not sure if this is theologically sound, but it does help me to give everyone my full attention and kindness.
I am a very shy person, but have to come to realize over the years that my shyness is a side effect of pride, so I'm been working on that. I tell myself that everyone has more important things to do than to scrutinize every word I say, and that helps a lot, too.
-Tarynkay
I read how to win friends and influence people too!
I have found, in watching others who are more friendly than myself, that knowing some facts about a wide variety of subjects makes small talk easier. It makes you more available to all sorts of different people. If you can jump into a conversation about the teams in the super bowl and have just a very basic knowledge of the big stuff you are all of the sudden able to have small talk with a sports fan ON HIS LEVEL. Same goes for other subjects and people.
Hi Kimmie,
I find all of this soul searching interesting since I am pretty sure just from following your blog that you and I would be fast friends. Nevertheless, there are always things one could improve upon. It wouldn't be very Canadian of me if I didn't suggest for you to read the Anne of Green Gables books by Lucy Maude Montogomery. Lots of lessons on friendship in those books and I am sure you kids would love them as well. They were a childhood favourite of mine. Also, the main character was adopted as well.
Hi Kimmie
I agree with your list. I think the friendliest people I know are the ones who show geniune interest in you & also they seem to ask you lots of questions about yourself/family.
I'm going down to see the title of the book you're reading & I'll see if it's at Koorong here - after this last week I think it's exactly what I need to read.
Renata :)
PS Being friendly is only one part of having friends however - my problem is overcoming shyness.
Hi Kimmie, I'm the friendliest person I've ever met! And I don't have close friends! :D
I know for sure that it doesn't matter how friendly you are, good friends are rare, and although you can change in ways to attract more people, it doesn't mean you would automatically want to be friends with them.
You have acquaintances and you have friends, being ok with the difference makes a big difference to how you feel about your status. I have lots of acquaintances but my need for close friendships doesn't depend on my friendliness. God will place the special people in my life when He wills, just as He removed certain friends from my life when I first became a Christian. And I'm happy with what He's done.
I hope we both receive what we're craving, but being our self without faking it should be good enough. A good potential friend would take to you just the way you are.
I think it takes vulnerability and sacrifice. Sometimes, out of desire to be friendly and make friends (or keep them), I must sacrifice my own wants and needs. For me, the sacrifice part I can handle; it's the vulnerability that gets me. It's scary to put yourself out there... it risks being hurt.
Without sounding completely cliche', I have found you to be extremely friendly to me, Kimmie. I have found in you someone that I can relate to very well, and I believe that's what makes friendships special.
I'm praying for you as you listen to the Holy Spirit speak over you.
much love....
H~
Kimmie- I am right there with you. I struggle with "friends". I do not have many and really never have.... I think I have so much to share and give however I am very guarded with my words, actions and feelings.
Be yourself and the rest will follow.
I wish we lived closer to each other ;)
I'm a quiet person most of the time. but I feel you can have lots of friends but only one or two close friends. Every one you meet is there for a God given reason...pray and ask God to give you Love for this person. His love... which is the only love that can be shown to any one. Ask God to shine Jesus in your face and in your voice. And others will be drawn to you because they need HIM...I am sure you are the most interesting person around... I'm your friend now... wanna have tea some time? You have a very sweet spirit here and that is a healing thing..
bless you
Hi Kimmie, I don't find it easy being friends either so I can't advise you. As people go I always thought you to be one of the most friendly though, so maybe you aren't as bad as you think. With age I have become a selfish person with a deep mistrust of people, neither of which lend themselves to acquiring friends. I think deep down I am a friendly person and want to be friendly but I've had friends in the past who have been close one day and never to be seen again the next so I've sort of given up on friendship - except for my dogs of course, because from what I see the dog holds the answer to being a true life long friend.
I'm often considered to be unfriendly, so I can't really help you there, but your list looks like a very good one! What comes to mind for me is "support" when I think of friendship.
Also, your baby is getting so . . . TALL! She's lovely.
Darling Kimmie,
In reading your posts over the last few days, I have become very excited for you! Not sure why I am even writing this, but I just have a strong feeling that all of this friendship research is preparation for something BIG, yet very specific.
Perhaps someone is coming into your life and they will need to immediately recognize you as a friend...that's why He is pushing you to "do the work!"
Acceptance is a wonderful thing, and each act of kindness has a ripple effect.
Because God truly IS love, every time we witness an act of love we are seeing GOD IN ACTION!
Let Him use you, Kimmie! THRILLED FOR YOU!
:o)
I could have written your entry.
Once I was told my posture was too good and that made me appear aloof. I actually tried slouching for a good while. It hurt my back.
Once I was told I was too thin and my natural blonde hair put women off. I tried wearing buns and gaining weight and stopped wearing makeup.
One said I wasn't emotional enough (I was "cold") while another said I was a drama queen. So, I stopped going to women's Bible studies and outings until I figured out "just the right blend of emotion" to display and when to display it.
Sweetheart, now that I'm older, I see young women analyzing other's "specks and logs" and I really think it keeps us from looking "up"! It exhausts us. It exhausted me. It doesn't stretch us in the right direction. Look to our wonderful Savior and KNOW He will give you just the right friend at just the right time. Do you know that she will like you JUST as you are now - flaws and all (we all have them). Trust Him for it just as you have trusted Him for your children! He will show you the way! He brought all of them to you... how difficult will it be for Him to bring a woman or two or three your direction who were destined to be your friend?
In the meantime, smile and show your joy. Forgive. Help. Trust. Encourage. Keep walking. Keep asking Him. Keep looking up!
Hugs to you and yours, and REST, dear sister!
I think it's the east coast. My sister moved there from the mid-west and she was friendless for years. She insists people are typically less friendly.
She moved back to the midwest and has several close, wonderful friends now.
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