It's Okay to be Needy-Chapter 3

Chapter 3-It's Okay to be Needy

I'll go first and then you jump in to this weeks discussion...

This weeks chapter, touched a cord in my heart when I read it.  It made me see a major problem I have.  I realize that I have made myself safe-guarded from possible hurt and rejection, by not being needy. 

Ask anyone that knows me, needy is not what you would here from them, if it passed from their lips it would have the word NOT attached to it.  As I read how, Lisa Whelchel, began to feel needy and begin to take great courage to step out into a new friendship stating her need, it made me weak in the knees. 

I realized that the un-needy-ness in my life, is not due to absolute sufficiency, but from fear.  I am ultimately afraid to appear needy, as this would open me up to rejection. 

"What would be so bad about that?" you may be asking.

Well, ultimately it hurts.  I am not sure where this fear of rejection began.  I can't put my finger on it, perhaps it is because I have always felt that I have fallen short of others expectations.  Not putting yourself out into *needy*,

keeps you (me) safe from the pain of rejection, 

of disappointment, 

and from hurting in those deep quiet places that reside within us.  

But ultimately it makes us more broken, more isolated and causes me so many tears.

Really, it is silly.  I have been bought with a price, my life is quite valued by One who paid the highest price to call me His own. (if you don't know what I am talking about, email me and I will share more on who Jesus is and what He did for you and for me.)  

Though I read it, over and over again in the Bible, still something inside of me believes; somehow it doesn't apply to me.  Somehow He didn't really mean me when He said it.  

How could I ever believe such a lie?  How could it have ever taken such a deep rooting in my heart and mind?  

Roots it does have, but it is fall planting time and time to uproot what isn't bearing any more fruit.  

Rejection-loneliness-fear

 ...you NEED to go.

I am wrestling, believe me I want O_U_T out of this false belief and into a full revelation of who I am in Christ (where LOVE always rules and fear is cast away.)

I can totally relate to Lisa saying she was ever so close to a breakdown, some days my heart is so heavy, I think I won't be able to bear up in the weight of the desire of my heart to have intimate deep friendships.  The kind of friendship where I am free to be me, without me holding myself back, free to experience the full joys of friendship, without the worry of not being wanted or needy eventually.  Past the fear of where I am standing now. 

Though I don't think I am in fear, I must be, as I am anywhere but free and still am not walking in what I hope to with my friends.

Some ideas Lisa shares in hopes of giving us a kick start to opening up our NEED:

• find a friend (or friends) and pray for each other...pray for 3 specific things for a given time for each other. (Lisa suggests you exchange small tokens with each other as reminders to pray.)  Meet for lunch at the end of your prayer time to talk about how God has answered those prayers.

• find a Bible study to join- invite a friend to go with you. (or dare to make a new friend!)
• invite a few friends for a weekend getaway...time alone to work on matters of the heart.

• set aside a day to talk (in depth) and pray with a handful of friends. (make it a priority in your lives)

• call a friend and share something that has been stirring in your heart, rather than keeping it to yourself, and making it another isolated inner experience.

• take an overview of your life, find 3 things you can cut out to make room for growing friendships.

Waiting to hear from you 
...hoping all of you will jump in and share your hearts too!

(it only takes a minute to reread the chapter or just to comment on what I have reminded you of from the chapter).