Sharing some more of my life

Hi!

I have so much to share and have been struggling with how to word what is happening here in our lives and hearts. Everyday I sit and ponder, but haven't been able to get it boxed up and put into postable words.

I have been seriously struggling for the past 3 months, with the closing of Guatemala and a growing uneasiness in my spirit, which became a spirit of exceeding heaviness. My husband was feeling the same. We began to have sleeping problems and disturbances, on top of the daytime heaviness that was weighing us down and making us feel like we aged 100 years (yep, I kid you not).

I was thankful to have so many to pray for during this period of personal struggle, as it made me more productive spiritually, during my many sleepless nights.

My friend Hallie, on Tuesday, asked me how I was, as we entered our Tuesday bible study (we have one together on Thursdays too). I told her fine, as truly I was as fine as I could muster, but she said she could tell I was troubled~"As it always shows on my face." (I'll have to work harder on that ;-)

So as we sat watching the video segment of Hearing God, (by Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God) I asked God 'what was going on in my life that now it was showing on my face?' I was startled as He answered me.

God said, (as I am sitting in this room full of woman who are intently trying to draw from the wisdom of Priscilla)..."You are having a Guatemalan miscarriage."

My eyes filled with tears and I thought," Why did He tell me that, and WHY now?"

Fortunately I had 15 minutes more of video teaching in which I could pull myself together. I am sure it was showing on my face. It also happened that this was a very intimate day of sharing and praying for each other. I held my tongue and didn't share with anyone what God had just revealed to me. Personally, it was to deep and painful to open that moment and beside Hallie, I am not sure I'd want to share it with anyone. With the pain that comes from secondary infertility and the 15 years I have been part of its emotional swings, and the knowledge that others at the table may have experienced such huge loss as miscarriage in the physical or the spiritual-I used self control and digested my word from God.

After bible study I did call my husband, we later discussed what it could mean, besides the obvious. We began to pray and fast, seeking God together for the answer.

Wednesday we went forward after our church service to receive prayer. It was an incredible time, a man came and prayed over us. We told him nothing and he began to share with us what God was directing him to. He spoke that we carry a strong anointing of the Spirit of Reconciliation, that God is changing our path, but we are to hold to his promises and that we are raising up a generation for Him, we are to rescue and to administer his love, being his hands and feet, that though this path is closed, the new path is clearly open, the loss we have been experiencing in the physical is also in the spiritual, tonight God was going to reach into our bellies and remove the heaviness we had been feeling. God asked us to stand by Him and hear his voice. My Knight was weeping quietly, but I heard him. The prayer minister left us and we continued to stand in His Presence.

A few minutes later, another prayer minister, this time a woman came and laid hands on me. She began praying and then led me away from my husband, she said the Lord had something just for me. She walked me maybe 20 feet to the left and then began praying over me, she laid one hand on my heart and on my back. I don't remember exactly what she said, but the next thing I know she is saying,' Just stand here, just stand here.' She stepped away with much speed and urgency, I heard commotion around me and the next thing I knew was she was back with another minister. The second woman began to prophetically sing over me. I can't tell you how moving it was in my spirit. I had never heard God sing over me before. The first woman prayer minister began to hold me and weep. God's Presence was thick, heavy and very sweet. The song was beautiful and humbling.

When we got home my husband told me that God had given him a vision and a Word. He saw our baby, she was dark skinned and beautiful. God also showed him a map of where she was. He also spoke her name-which was a name almost forgotten, but spoken to us by God in 2002. He told my husband that this would be her name and that she was coming.

I am overwhelmed in even writing this. Today we are calling our agency and asking to be switched to the Ethiopian program. We have such peace and joy.

Our hearts are full, our heaviness has been lifted and though a stack of paperwork is in our coming days, we are full of joy and eager to see the children God has for us in Ethiopia.