Wisdom for your Adoption Journey

Today I was thinking of the adoption road my family has walked over the course of time,

 and also the road we feel the Lord has currently placed us on in adoption.  Adoption most definitely (in my humble experience of 7 adoptions) has many twists and turns, many highs and lows, many surprises along the way and occasionally long waits in silence. 

 Where we stand (and stand we do) is in a place of silence. 

God spoke to me and showed me a little illustration this morning,

 mind if I share?

I was on a trip (think: adoption) into the woods (think:  the unknown)

though it was a path I had occasioned before (think:   how life has brought us many twist and turns over time)

I found myself alone (almost unheard of for this mama to many).  

We were doing a quick snack drop off for my raccoons (you will have to catch up if you are new here)...

my children ushered the snacks into the woods ahead of me, as I had to turn back with a little one who was not dressed for our woods adventure (think:  of spiritually how sometimes we are unprepared for a trial as it comes because we aren't fully wearing our spiritual armor.)

Back I trekked to the car, depositing said little Ethiopian with her older sister and her girlfriend.  Back I turned to reconnect with the children who had forged ahead (with my permission-think: the call).

  As I walked I was thinking how I felt so abandoned in this portion of our adoption, uncertainty of the call has been hounding me for months.  Though we have sought God, even through prayer and fasting, still He is silent.

I was thinking how though I sent my children on ahead (think of how God calls us and sends us out) that really I was following them and had them covered.  They weren't alone in the forest (think adoption), but were on a well set path that was designed and in place for the mission.

This made my heart feel better.

Then, God corrected me (think:  yup, i need it again!)

insert voice of God:

"I am not following you.  Though you are on a path where you feel like you are alone and perhaps abandoned, I am already before you in this. 

 Not only am I before you, but I am with you. I am near to you, though you don't think I am.  You are not to rely on feelings, or fickle emotions, but you are to trust me.  I am behind you, I have got your back."

  Trust is not only about having faith in the silent times, it is about standing.  Standing means holding ground and not allowing the devil to move us. It means walking or rowing (think: boat of disciples in the midst of a storm at the 3rd watch of night...3 am!) in obedience of what Jesus has told you.  Keeping at it, though it is hard, impossible or lonely.

I am standing, as is my Knight in this adoption.  

We are believing God, trusting Him.

Though we are being discouraged by our agency, mainly due to the fact that birthmothers want childless couples (the trend).  We have TOO many children to ever get picked, or so the social worker from the agency told us.  

God whispered right after that that He was the one that gave us each of these kids so far.  Each child that came through what seemed at that moment to be insurmountable situations, they came.  

So we will walk the path.  We will stand. We will row like madmen if necessary. We will close our eyes and remind ourselves that we are NEVER alone.  We will continue to ask God for confirmation, but until we hear otherwise, we will continue. Sweaty, tired, sometimes totally discouraged, but we will go on.

Our God is faithful.  He is more than trustworthy in all (ALL) things.  He loves orphans and cares about justice for them.

I am going to copy this and ponder it some more.  Maybe you should too.  Maybe this will speak to you even if your call isn't to rescue orphans, maybe with using your imagination you can hear His voice too.

seeking justice...

standing...

and remembering the enemy of our souls wants to keep us discouraged and get us to quit!

Don't fall for his ways, they don't ever bring us to justice, to victory or to new heights for His glory.

...just saying.

Do You Interpret Dreams?

Okay, I had this dream that I know was a spiritual dream.  Does anyone who reads this blog have the gift of dream interpretation.

If you do and you are willing, would you leave me a way to contact you.  It isn't a very long dream, very vivid though.  I remembered it when I woke, but in the rush of getting ready for church totally forgot about it.  As my Pastor was preaching one word he said triggered the whole dream to rise like a vision before me.  Quickly I grabbed my notebook (I like to take notes when in the Word) and began writing down the details, as not to forget.

Of course I asked God (and shared it with my family during lunch)...but just wondering if anyone wants to take a crack at it?

Ministering to Strangers (part two)

This post relates to this

I was pretty mad at myself for not remembering the girl's name.  I kept asking the Holy Spirit to bring it to me, as it is much nicer to know someones name than to have to ask them again for it.  I desired to meet her again and to minister to her heart as God led.  I apologized to the Lord for not getting it the first time.

I was sitting in church the following Wednesday night, as I am worshiping the Holy Spirit says to me,
"Ask the woman behind you where she works.  Ask her if she works at Crestfield Nursing Home."  

'WEIRD,' is what I think, as this is where my box girl works.  I haven't a clue where the woman behind me works, but I know her name.  After service she has gone up front for prayer, but her teenage daughter is still sitting in their seats.  I feel the Lord pressing me to ask her.  I go between excited and nervous as I decide what it is I am going to do here.

I turn around and ask her, "Does your mother work at Crestfield?"

She smiles and says, "Yes."

I am in awe.  I begin to tell this teen the story of my box girl and what the Holy Spirit did last week with her and I.  The teen tries to think if she knows the girl I am talking about.  She starts rattling off possible names, it turns out that her mother is the supervisor who trains all nurses aids on this shift, sometimes Jennifer goes along too.   I thank her and tell her that I will talk to her mother when she returns, as none of the names ring a bell with my heart.

Can you imagine this woman's surprise as I tell her that the Lord told me where she worked and it was all about finding out this girl's name (which happens to be Robin).  She began sharing about her and what a sweet young woman she is.  How things are pretty hard for her and her husband, due to finances.  She thinks her husband lost his job last year and hasn't found a new one yet.  She mentions he is Goth.  I am not really sure what this means, other than I know they dress in black and like a particular style of music.

I am excited about seeing Robin again.  Excited because God continues to amaze me at how He handles details, especially when we come to Him seeking.  I am eager to see how He ministers to her heart and am praying that if she doesn't know Him, that she and her husband will shortly be introduced to Jesus.  

Would you pray?  I don't want to minister out of my thoughts, but out of His wisdom.  I don't want to offend her, but to draw her into His arms.  I want her to know, more than anything that she is deeply loved.  The Father has told me He has spoken the word, "Chosen" over her. I see it hanging, as a necklace, around her neck.

He knows all the details of their hearts and He cares a great deal about them.  I will keep you posted.  If you are willing to pray for Robin, would you let me know?  I plan on giving her a ride home tomorrow...or maybe today if I can work out the details.

Fear, Vision and Reality {parenting}

Parenting is hard.   

Sometimes the burdens we carry are hard.  Sometimes they are hard to share.

Many times it is difficult to admit that you are struggling.  In admitting that no matter what you try, nothing seems to be getting the heart of your child.  Even admitting that you are at the point of questioning if anything done thus far has even penetrated the heart strings of the child that you so desperately want to see touched by God.  

Parent's sometimes grow weary of their hard task of training.

 

Today I met with a dear friend, wise woman and huge mentor of my heart.  We caught up after a long summer of little contact with each other.  We shared what we have been carrying.  I unloaded a lot of my parenting burdens on her, one daughter in particular who I am concerned for.

She spoke peace to my heart. She told me to trust Him with it and to wait to see what He'd be doing.

On the way home from our meeting, the Lord showed me a vision. 

It was of me driving what seemed like a 1,000 wild horses. 

My hands were raw from holding the reins so tightly. 

I was not leading, but instead being dragged by the reins that attached me to said horses.

Everything around me was dry and looked in need of refreshing. 

I looked (and felt) beat, but then there was a voice that said,

" Loosen your hold on the reins." 

In exhaustion I did.  Immediately He showed me that it wasn't me holding the reins, 

it was Him. 

 My hands had only been clutching His (which were indeed the Ones who were holding the reins.)

The flood seeped out. 

I've been holding so much in, maybe too much.

I am not a super-hero, I am just me, a mother of 8, 

who passionately Loves Him and desires that my children do too.

I can trust Him, He knows all there is about wild horses. 

I am not giving up, I am taking a break and instead releasing my wild horse team to Him. I am not driving, 

I never was, it was His nail scarred hands that had been tenderly holding the reins, while my hands dug into His, never realizing the reality of what had been occurring.

Psalm 139:13

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

I never saw this verse written in the King James Version, guess I had it memorized in a more modern text.  How perfectly it matches my vision the Lord gave me...He is asking me once again to release control to Him and to trust Him fully, as I am fully known.

Rocks, Friendship-What is the Connection?

1 Samuel 2:1-2

 "There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God.

2 Samuel 22: 2

He said: "The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer

 Sometime in the middle of the night I woke, as my eyes adjusted to the blackness about me, God began to speak to me of  rocks.  

As I am happy to sleep this was rather odd, but in the pitch of night, there am I laying seeing visions of rocks. First I saw a huge boulder, I couldn't miss it because I was sitting upon it.  Then, I looked out and saw many good size rocks, all scattered about, next came smaller and smaller stones, until at last God put one stone into my hand.  This stone was different.  It had been made smooth by time, it was a perfect fit in my hand or so I thought. 

The next thing I knew God had me before a large lake, it was still very dark.  He told me to skip this rock across the water.  I so wanted to just hold the rock, because it fit so nicely in my hand (and God knows I have a thing for nice rocks.)  I looked at the rock in my hand, in obedience I bent forward and skipped it over the surface of the water. It bounced across happily many times, then like all rocks do, it sank.  The water was very still, even the ripples disappeared with the rock.

God spoke to me that rocks are like friendships. 

The one I sat upon was a rock like no other, the rock being Jesus.  It was immovable in my life; as He is my friend forever.   The next rocks were close friends, they were more permanent, but even they could be removed, if God so said.  The stones I passed were acquaintances, not truly friends, but ones who had had moments of my life.  This last rock was the friendship that I have been struggling with, one I have grieved greatly for.  In showing me that it seemed perfect, shows me that it was just for a time, not something God had intended for long term, not something He meant to use as some of the larger stones in my life.  The stone had given me pleasure, but I had to do as God said (which is what I did in real life) and release it from my hand.

I have asked God to help me to understand this loss.  To let me know what it is I should do.  For now, this is what the Lord is asking of me ~ To let it go, to enjoy what I had, but to keep my heart fixed on Him.

I will never be able to skip a rock again, without remembering this little vision that God woke me for.  

Part of my healing is in letting go.  Letting go is hard. Everything in me screams no.  You see, I am a fixer, I want to fix things and make things right.  I want everyone to be happy.  I want it to be a happy ever-after-kinda-story, not a good-bye.

Life and friendship is hard.  But what other option is there really, death and loneliness?  I dare say no.  

Yet will I hope and believe that He does indeed work all things for our good. 

Psalm 61:2

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

Crying...often and a lot

First I will say, man...I so didn't want to change gears from yesterdays post. Those spaghetti pictures with Princess Mercy crack my family up and send us to our knees in Thanksgiving to our Father. (I think I took at least 30 of her amid her feast!)

But I am feeling the Holy Spirit press me, so I will move on to another subject.

Some of you know I have a HUGE and ever growing passion for orphans. God has had me praying for the past 3-4 years for the Church in regards to orphans.

God asked me to sew dolls...orphan dolls...to begin the call to His Church to get serious with his mandate to take care of orphans, His orphans.

I sewed both dolls. I battled to do so. Sickness, commitments, life, just plain exhaustion, kept me from the sewing machine many a day. But as of Wednesday night, they are both completed. A girl orphan and a boy orphan, one side light tan and the other side brown...so each doll is two dolls. Two 'colored' girls and two sweet 'colored' boys. Hopefully soon the rest of the steps in launching them out in ministry will be tackled and we will see what God does!!!!

But the whole of the deal and this post is that:

*** God has my heart****...

I find myself weeping at the most odd times. I am overcome with what He has placed on my heart. I am constantly praying and more often than not, lately crying; physically crying because God you see is breaking my heart.

I have to tell you, I asked Him to do it. I invited the Holy Spirit to come and break my heart for the things that break His. I know ORPHANS break his heart, and so mine is entwined deeply with His and I find myself in a pool of salty tears, standing in the gap, until He wakes up his sleepy Church (people who call themselves Christians, Christ followers, or Believers....

for you who don't know what I mean by Church with a capital C).

But the good news ...well there is much. But as of this moment I have been blessed with knowing He is working.

Last week, I spoke with one of my best girlfriend's husband...by the end of the week they decided to adopt through foster care. The cool thing is I never saw it coming...the husband is NOT YET a believer. As we spoke of the huge need and pain/suffering of the orphans in our state foster care system, his heart was moved. I saw the tears in his eyes and knew that God had his number...I will stand firmly in prayer for this family...for salvation for my sweet girlfriend's husband and for the rescue of a hurting child. Two other families from my church met with my Knight and I on Saturday. Both of these families have known that God had given them a heart for adoption, for years they have brought it up with us. I offered a meeting, to pray and answer any questions (as we have lived it out...through foster care and internationally). Both families are going to adopt, one through the legal risk program in our state (foster care) and the other through our agency (All God's Children-ACGI) (they have Nepal on their hearts!).

Can you imagine my joy?

'Oh, Lord continue the good work you have begun. Reduce me to a puddle of salty tears if you must. But your Word tells us we need to be Salty and what good is it if we have lost our Saltiness. Have your way Lord, my life is in your trustworthy Hands.'

Prayer Request Sunday

Hi friends and soon to be friends, how are you today? Hope you are well and you are finding God stretching you in your faith and in your walk with Him.

I'd love to pray for you this week. Please leave me a comment or send me an email (in my sidebar)...to let me know how I can cover you in prayer. Don't be shy, I love to intercede for you!

This is what I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me today:

'Oh Sister Kimmie~

Come blow your horn

My Orphans ...

they are many and are forlorn

Where is my Church, who look after these?

...They're sitting in churches,

fast asleep.'

How this word, makes my heart ache. I am sad, that this is too true. Can you say ouch with me?

If this speaks to you, as well as to me, rise up, Rise up oh, sleepy one. Rub your eyes, the Spirit is calling. He is calling His Church to wake up to the need of orphans.

You see God is passionately in love with not only YOU, but the poor, the hurting, the orphans...they are not very far from you. Some are in your very state, our government has become their parents. Oh, Church how can this be. Where did we go wrong in letting the state to become parents of our orphans. Please, please, please, today-ask God the question the Holy Spirit is asking His people, His Church, "What would you have me do for orphans."

Remember, the world will know us by our LOVE.

Faith without deeds is dead. Put your faith to work, ask God, "how". He has all the answers, but we need to ask Him.

Let me know if you will be asking Him, "Lord, what can I do? How will you use my life for orphans."

Feel free to pick up your horn and blow it, I am praying that the Church wakes from its slumber and takes what God is saying serious.

Enough sleep already, let's get busy for REAL!

Prayer Request Sunday

Welcome to Prayer Request Sunday

Have you come by to leave a prayer request? God put Prayer Request Sunday on my heart last year, since then I have had the privilege to pray with so many of you. Many of you have told me that God heard and you have seen Him answer that area in your life. Yipee! Build our faith Lord, move us all to a new level!

We live in such a busy world, one where sometimes a whole day zips by without really having time to stop and give our burdens over to the Lord. Those burdens become so heavy when we carry them alone. I'd love to stand with you believing God to come into your life with His amazing Power.

Thanks, to those of you who committed to praying for me (as I began making the doll God put on my heart-in answer to "What would you have me do for you Lord, now?") I found the materials, started doll #1 , she is looking pretty good, but I think she is a wee too BIG.

She will be a good tangible reminder to what God is asking ME to do in James 1:27. (though I hope He calls me to another adoption too!)

Debrah has come beside me and offered to create a website for the 'traveling orphan doll!" The website will be her journal, when she arrives at her destination. The website will allow for all of us to read what God's Spirit is doing, as the doll makes her way through the world. Debrah and I are pretty excited!

I need to hear from God as to what He wants to call this website/ministry. Debrah needs prayer as she seeks to allow God to use her in its creation. We know that God will lead, as this is so much bigger than we ever could have ever concocted.

Bless each of you sweet friends and May God give you fresh vision for your lives this week, as you spend time with Him.

Zechariah 4:6

It is not by force nor by strength, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty.

Prayer Request Sunday

I'd love to pray for you this week...leave me a comment and I will stand with you believing God, to answer your heart's request.

I am very excited about yesterdays post. Honestly, whenever I post things that God tells me, I struggle a little...suddenly, I am attacked with doubt and fear.

The fear doesn't come from whether I heard from God or not, but from fear of rejection (and perhaps fear of people.) Okay, it's out there now. It's the same reason I haven't put up the linky thing in the sidebar to show 'friends', who link here. It is something I struggle with, feeling accepted. Right after I hit the button to submit such a post, the devil gets busy trying to get me to delete it, making me feel totally vulnerable.

Yesterday, the same thing happened.

This morning, as I sat worshipping God in the quiet of the nursing mother's room at my church...all alone, just me, Avianna and God...with my Pastor being 'piped' in, God truly showed up.

He began confirming my post and the words He had given me. Telling me to not be overwhelmed with the 'how to.' He began to show me details of how I was to go about it, He even was gracious enough to show me how to begin the ball 'doll rolling'...He began giving me 12 names of who the 'orphan doll' will go to...woman with their families, who will commit a week to pray over this mission...willing to lay hands on this doll and pray for God's Spirit to move in Power, on behalf of orphans, before they send it on to the next woman in line. The last of the 'twelve,' picks the first person to send it to, who then will pick the next....and then she will travel from place to place-as the Spirit moves, until her little journal is filled with what God has been doing and speaking. She returns to me when her journal is full, perhaps to go out with a fresh journal, seeking to find those who will be stirred and stand in the gap in prayer and in deed (adoption).

These women will be the forerunners of the church Body; crying out to wake up His people. You see, His people aren't aware of the desperate worldwide need of the orphans. We will pass this doll from these 12 homes...prayer and perhaps fasting will join the arrival of this 'orphan.' God's hand will move and we will see His Power.

I have faith that God will do as He has said, I can't wait to see what He does!!

How do I know, well God told me. He built me up this morning in that tiny room, tears flowed from my eyes, as I was feeling unsure and beaten my my enemy, who made me fearful of stepping out with this. But my Father spoke to my heart to, 'Fear NOT.'

I have faith...will some of you commit to praying for me, as I try to gather the materials to sew this doll...I have seen her in my mind...but now need to put her together, so she can get out and do the work that God has for her ;-) If you will seriously pray for this, would you leave me a comment. I really am believing God to do amazing things with this little cloth doll, that will represents the orphans of the world.

It's not about me, it's about the orphans and God -He wants to glorify Himself by showing His Power.

I am so excited.

On my heart

Ever ask God for vision and have Him give you something totally other than what you expected?

Recently, I began praying to God for vision...to see what it was that He would have me to do. My heart longs to serve Him, I don't desire to do anything fancy, just whatever it is that He sees fit for me to do. I never want to feel like I am 'done' or that I am too busy to ask God what it is I can do today for Him. I felt like He wanted to lead me some place other than where He'd previously taken me..

So this is what I got dropped into my spirit....

You are an Ambassador of my Kingdom...become also an Ambassador of adoption. Create (or have someone create) something that can be mailed across the world, (I am seeing a simple doll...handmade) that can remind people of the children that wait, as orphans, for a family. Remind my people that I have asked them to care for widows and orphans. Tell them that when the 'package' arrives to enjoy it, to take it about with them, to love it (as children would) and to stop to pray for the orphans of the world, asking what they can do, before they send it on to the next recipient.

Let them open their hearts in prayer to the orphans and the very real need that exists for their care. Send a journal and let them write in it, you write the first entry, include my Word, as it is Powerful and never goes forth void, but always accomplishes my purposes. Let this 'creation' travel from place to place, my Spirit will go with it, as will my Power...you will see what a simple act of following me will bring. Stir the people and let Me move in their midst. Let them see what I have done in your family, allow Me to use you.

Totally, not what I thought He'd have me to do. So now I will pray and I will begin trying to figure out what would be best to send. I am not much of a seamstress, but maybe something simple would be best anyway. I have never tried anything like this...

Any ideas of how to best do this? I'd love to hear from you. Any of you make dolls?

thanks...Kimmie

definition

(taken from Noah Webster Dictionary (year) 1828*-when dictionaries still had godly definitions)

Ambassador (also then written Embassador)-
EMBAS'SADOR, noun:

1. A minister of the highest rank employed by one prince or state, at the court of another, to manage the public concerns of his own prince or state, and representing the power and dignity of his sovereign. Embassadors are ordinary, when they reside permanently at a foreign court; or extraordinary, when they are sent on a special occasion. They are also called ministers. Envoys are ministers employed on special occasions, and are of less dignity.
2. In ludicrous language, a messenger.

Prayer Request Sunday on the splashy side!

Hey friends...hope this finds you well-I was thinking of labeling today's post as: 'Splashy Sunday.'

As I was driving the tribe to church this morning, I began praying and asking the Holy Spirit to come and to pour Himself out on us, as we worshipped Him. I got a quick visual of 'us' worshipping the Lord and getting so full of His Presence, that we left splishing and splashing! It made me laugh, as we were really sloshing about, but really it is what the Lord wants. He desires to fill us, so that He can pours us out on to those we come in contact with throughout our day...then when we are empty, from all the giving and pouring out, we fall back at His feet so that we can be filled.

Yesterday, God had me laughing too...actually it was the same spot on the highway that He spoke to me this morning. Yesterday, I was running to my girlfriend Karla's house, as she wanted to bless me with a vintage sewing machine (both of my old ones have been acting up...one needs to be shot!). Anyway, on the way, I put on the local Christian radio station. Now I am no fan of country music and I guess it was their country music time slot. Honestly, it is just not my thing! After a song or two, I can just feel the tension rising, I normally switch it off. This time I said, 'Lord, really do you like this. Their whining drives me crazy, I know that it is a worship song, but really!"

Then I clearly heard, 'Yeah, that is how I feel about people sometimes.'

I nearly drove out of my lane giggling and laughing. Truly, I knew He was being kind and really meant "me."

Hope you stopped in to ask for prayer. I'd love to join with you in believing God for His hand to move in your life. What is on your heart, what is going on in your life...anything we can pray about together?

Have a blessed day...talk to you tomorrow!

heart by Designer Digitals

Suicide- please consider God

Okay, I can't let it go. I heard it last night, the word suicide. I woke early to take my two oldest to the drop off point for their mission trip to West Virginia and I heard it again. I came home and spent some time out on my deck, the sun just peaking up above the horizon and as I laid on the old glider, the Holy Spirit told me to pray for the woman who is contemplating suicide, as a solution to her current troubles.

I prayed, believing God would rescue her.

Then, as I was riding my orange ride on lawn mower, the Holy Spirit told me to get off my agenda and come beside Him as He was carrying a ladder of rescue for this one so close to perishing.

So, I don't know your name, but God does. I don't know your situation, but God does. I don't know your pain, but God certainly does. He wants me to tell you that Jesus loves you, that He can give you the solutions to your current situation. He has a plan and purpose for your life, one that you have yet to discover, but you'll never get there by your plan.

Call out to God and He will come to you. Cry out to Jesus and He will save you. Cry out for forgiveness and He will wash you white as snow. Only the blood of Jesus can do this for us-He loves you, I know because He told me to stop and tell you.

Sending you a hug and I will be praying for you. Let me know if I can be of any help. Suicide is no answer- the only answer to every single question that comes up in our lives is JESUS!

I am praying that your heart understands and your eyes are open to the love that our Heavenly Father has for you. A love like you have never yet known.

He has a big family and He desires that YOU become part of it, come on-life is precious!

I love you.

My Bountiful Garden...Prayer Request Sunday

I have to say that my two weeks off did me well. Thank you to those of you who were lifting me up in prayer. I needed a reprieve and made time to spend some quality time with the Lord. I needed to hear from Him, as my heart was getting heavy, my spiritual vision was feeling rather dim and I was weary.

God spoke to me a bit the first week-He didn't tell me anything earth moving. But that He was speaking was good, though my heart longed for something deeper and meatier. I left vacation feeling less than rested, our boys (5 and 6) were not the angels we had hoped for. We had hoped to find rest and relaxation, silly I guess, because in reality parenting is 24-7 with no holidays or vacations, right?!

Anyhow, I intended on jumping back into blogging, but my heart was so desperate for God, that I asked Him if I held off on blogging (which to me is a ministry God has given me)...that I wondered if He wouldn't bring me deeper with Him and renew my vision.

Before I left for our vacation, I came to the realization that I had no vision for this adoption we are in the midst of. I spoke to me mum about the fact that I just couldn't "see" it. You see, I am a 'seer', it is a gift that God has blessed me with-but I was coming up with nothing. My mum said it was probably due to the heartache we experienced in our Guatemalan adoption. Fear can kill your godly vision for sure. I went to my Knight and asked him if he could "see." My Knight is not a 'Seer,' though he said he can see us holding our Ethiopian children. This gave me some peace, but I needed more.

God blessed me the second week. He spoke, He spoke a lot and it definitely blessed my heart and mind.

I will share one thing He gave me:

I was reading a devotional by Hudson Taylor (Spiritual Secrets), in it it said to ask the Lord what He wanted 'me' to ask Him. Immediately as I jotted it down in my journal, the Holy Spirit reminded me of something He had spoken several months ago. He had told me to ask Him for twins.

I have to tell you that I was 'Much Afraid,' I was thinking He might be asking just to have me ask and that maybe it had nothing to do with twins. My heart is so aching for a baby after all the years of infertility and all the years I yearned for another, that I was honestly terrified to ask Him or believe Him for it.

I sat on my deck, as my youngest napped and my two oldest were entertained by their Shakespeare scripts, crying. I explained to God my fear, and reminded Him of all I had been through with the years of infertility and how I have followed Him, regardless of the longing in my heart. He told me to ask Him.

So I did.

I thought I should do something else...but He told me to close my bible, my journal and the wee devotional book and instead head into my garden. I had weeding and pruning to do, so I went at it for awhile, then I decided I should pick some flowers for the house.

As I picked a big bouquet filled with beebalm, coneflower, daisies...a nice bunch~ a fat bumblebee began drinking from my hand-held garden.

Being the nut that I am, I began speaking to the fuzzy black and yellow bloke, blessing him and inviting him to have at any or all of my garden. Of course I also prayed over his little bumblebee health, with all the bee troubles we are hearing about... I figured a little bee prayer was appropriate ;-) He mostly ignored me, he was too thirsty to mind my little pep talk-honestly it could have been a she? Then another matching bumblebee came and also began drinking out of my bouquet. I realized how unusual this was, as I hadn't seen too many bees of late, and certainly not any that would be bold enough to drink from my hand held bouquet.

Then the Lord spoke. He told me that this bouquet was my children, it was the fruit of the harvest He had for my life. The two (twin) bumblebees, were the representatives of the two He would give us next, my Ethiopian children. You know children with dark skin and wrapped in all of God's golden promises (black and yellow-get it!). He would bring them to my 'bouquet' (family) and we would see His goodness again. They would be healthy and they would flourish in our bouquet he was picking and allowing me to hold.

Yes, I was crying again.

Yes, I do have moments that I don't cry, though not many. God has made me a tender hearted girl, and one who is feeling so much better.

(As I pasted this from my clipart collection...I didn't realize their were two bumblebees! I have had this for years and God reminded me as I was writing, that I could use this, God is so cool!)

The announcement....

We are now number 13 on our waiting list, for those who are still reading. We are also nesting like crazy. I am cleaning out drawers, cupboards and anything that will let me have at it.

And...yes today is Prayer Request Sunday so....

If you stopped by for prayer...leave me a comment or send me an email, God is amazing.

Prayer Request Sunday

I am so glad you've come by!

I hope you had a wonderful week and that today as you rest, that God pumps you with His Spirit and gives you opportunities to serve Him this coming new week.

Please take a moment and read this.

Now, can I pray for you this week? Drop me an email or leave a comment on this post and I'll be happy to cover you in prayer.

“For he shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also, and him that hath no helper.” (Psalm 72:12)

God speaks

Thursday night my wee-est one woke up in the night, one panic filled cry was all that was spoken. He chose the one word to let ring through the darkness that surrounded him, that word was, "Mama!"

I knew the voice immediately, I didn't need to be told where he was, though we had moved him into the spare room this night. I awoke from my restful sleep and quickly went to him. As I opened the door, the darkness was so thick I couldn't see him. As he heard me come, he said in a quavering voice, "I can't find my bed." (he had rolled off the mattress on the floor and was lost.) I reached for the light switch and quickly flicked it on. He moved quickly back into a comfortable sleeping position, peace had come to him. I reminded him to lay still, kissed him and left the room-light off.

As I took the few steps back to my bed in the wee hours of the night, God spoke to me. He said,

"How often my children find themselves in this position. They take their eyes off of me and lose their way. If they cry out to me, I will come to them. I know where they are, my eye follows my children wherever they go, even if it is a path I have not chosen for them. As they call out, I come, I bring them comfort and my touch soothes their broken spirits. When they get to the end of themselves, then I can minister to them. However, often they don't cry out, they instead remain on their path of darkness. How my heart longs for them to call out my Name. My desire is to kiss their brow and to speak words of life and peace to them. My voice directs their path, as does my Word. Will you tell them to come back to me, tell them I am waiting."

As I write this my heart is heavy, as I think I heard the Father weeping. He was weeping over you. Please, if you've walked away from Him-call out to Him, confess your sin and tell Him you want Him. He will come to you quickly, for He told me He is waiting for you.

2 Samuel 22:7 (The Message)

A hostile world! I called to God, to my God I cried out. From his palace he heard me call; my cry brought me right into his presence—a private audience!

A word for someone

I am going to share this, in hopes that it will speak to someones heart and life.

It's not about me, I have to move past the fear, so I can give you the word God has for you.

Why am I here?

God loves you, He hasn't forgotten you or forsaken you. Whether your womb is empty or full, He desires your heart and your life. Your journey may be long, but you will grow in faith as you learn to fully trust Him. Refuse the fear, move forward in faith. It is time to recover from the life you see, the one you see as 'full of setbacks'. It is time to allow God to lead your life, stop setting your own agenda. You have heard Him say follow me, do it. You can't follow Him if you continue to take the reigns of your life. Surrender all of you to Him, don't live with looking back at 'what if' or

if only.' Today is the day and if you quiet your heart, you WILL hear the voice of the Lord. He is saying, "Come."

Psalm 139:13-14

The New Living Translation

You made all of the delicate inner parts of my body

and knit me together in my mothers womb.

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

Your workmanship is marvelous,

How well I know it.

Where does the time go?

I love being a mum, however did you know that when I first got married I went through a rebellious phase where I didn't want any children. I had gone to college to be a teacher, I figured my time with others children would be more than sufficient. God had other plans though, now I am a mum of 6, with several more on the way (through adoption, to Ethiopia and then to wherever God sends us next!)

My Pirate Jackie, now 17, is growing up. I love who she is becoming. She is God focused, with a servant's heart. She will be a writer, as God has given her a gift and He will go before her making a way for the words He gives her to be spread, I believe it.

Saturday night I had a dream, it was a letting go type dream, a growing up to be a women dream for my sweet homemade girl. In my dream she had found her true love, the one that God created just for her. She was with him and leaned her head on his chest, she said,"I am so happy when I am with you." Joy was on her face.

She came home (in the dream) and told her father that she was in love. Next, the young man came to my husband and declared his love and his intentions to ask my girl to marry him. My Knight told him we'd have to pray about it. We prayed and God told us that there would be a sign, this is how we'd know that this boy was her beloved.

The funny thing was that God said the young man would come back shortly bringing two gifts, metal burn barrels (the kind you can burn sticks and such in.)

True to His word, the young man came back, balancing shiny burn barrels on each arm.

The strangest thing, was that I awoke with such peace. God has my girl and I know that He has her covered. Someday when she does meet him, he will have a place in our family, he has a call on his life too. We will serve God together, ministering to those who are deemed orphans in this world. His 'gifts' will be needed by us (as the burn barrels are needed to clean up our yard). He will come with the gifts and talents God has given him, ready to use them, along side of us. I don't need to tell you that this young man will be passionate first about His God and then about my girl.

How do I know? I don't know, but I do.

Sharing some more of my life

Hi!

I have so much to share and have been struggling with how to word what is happening here in our lives and hearts. Everyday I sit and ponder, but haven't been able to get it boxed up and put into postable words.

I have been seriously struggling for the past 3 months, with the closing of Guatemala and a growing uneasiness in my spirit, which became a spirit of exceeding heaviness. My husband was feeling the same. We began to have sleeping problems and disturbances, on top of the daytime heaviness that was weighing us down and making us feel like we aged 100 years (yep, I kid you not).

I was thankful to have so many to pray for during this period of personal struggle, as it made me more productive spiritually, during my many sleepless nights.

My friend Hallie, on Tuesday, asked me how I was, as we entered our Tuesday bible study (we have one together on Thursdays too). I told her fine, as truly I was as fine as I could muster, but she said she could tell I was troubled~"As it always shows on my face." (I'll have to work harder on that ;-)

So as we sat watching the video segment of Hearing God, (by Priscilla Shirer, Discerning the Voice of God) I asked God 'what was going on in my life that now it was showing on my face?' I was startled as He answered me.

God said, (as I am sitting in this room full of woman who are intently trying to draw from the wisdom of Priscilla)..."You are having a Guatemalan miscarriage."

My eyes filled with tears and I thought," Why did He tell me that, and WHY now?"

Fortunately I had 15 minutes more of video teaching in which I could pull myself together. I am sure it was showing on my face. It also happened that this was a very intimate day of sharing and praying for each other. I held my tongue and didn't share with anyone what God had just revealed to me. Personally, it was to deep and painful to open that moment and beside Hallie, I am not sure I'd want to share it with anyone. With the pain that comes from secondary infertility and the 15 years I have been part of its emotional swings, and the knowledge that others at the table may have experienced such huge loss as miscarriage in the physical or the spiritual-I used self control and digested my word from God.

After bible study I did call my husband, we later discussed what it could mean, besides the obvious. We began to pray and fast, seeking God together for the answer.

Wednesday we went forward after our church service to receive prayer. It was an incredible time, a man came and prayed over us. We told him nothing and he began to share with us what God was directing him to. He spoke that we carry a strong anointing of the Spirit of Reconciliation, that God is changing our path, but we are to hold to his promises and that we are raising up a generation for Him, we are to rescue and to administer his love, being his hands and feet, that though this path is closed, the new path is clearly open, the loss we have been experiencing in the physical is also in the spiritual, tonight God was going to reach into our bellies and remove the heaviness we had been feeling. God asked us to stand by Him and hear his voice. My Knight was weeping quietly, but I heard him. The prayer minister left us and we continued to stand in His Presence.

A few minutes later, another prayer minister, this time a woman came and laid hands on me. She began praying and then led me away from my husband, she said the Lord had something just for me. She walked me maybe 20 feet to the left and then began praying over me, she laid one hand on my heart and on my back. I don't remember exactly what she said, but the next thing I know she is saying,' Just stand here, just stand here.' She stepped away with much speed and urgency, I heard commotion around me and the next thing I knew was she was back with another minister. The second woman began to prophetically sing over me. I can't tell you how moving it was in my spirit. I had never heard God sing over me before. The first woman prayer minister began to hold me and weep. God's Presence was thick, heavy and very sweet. The song was beautiful and humbling.

When we got home my husband told me that God had given him a vision and a Word. He saw our baby, she was dark skinned and beautiful. God also showed him a map of where she was. He also spoke her name-which was a name almost forgotten, but spoken to us by God in 2002. He told my husband that this would be her name and that she was coming.

I am overwhelmed in even writing this. Today we are calling our agency and asking to be switched to the Ethiopian program. We have such peace and joy.

Our hearts are full, our heaviness has been lifted and though a stack of paperwork is in our coming days, we are full of joy and eager to see the children God has for us in Ethiopia.

Did you hear that?

Conversation Monday at my house:

Prince Bonkie (4-the one who 'saw' our brown baby)-"Mama, MAMA, did you HEAR that?"

Me, the Mama, "What, did you hear something honey?"

Astonished look on the childs face, "Mama I heard it."

Mama, "What was it?"

The Prince,"It was a door and it opened in BWAT-ga-mala Mama. I just heard it."

*We had told our children that Guatemala was 'closed' a month ago, when our agency told us they would no longer be giving out referrals in their program in Guatemala. Hmm, tonight their Papa and I had dinner out (our kids were having their 'Harvest Party' at church, this was our first year in 12 years that we weren't helping to run it, but opted for dinner out alone.) We discussed what our agencies director told my husband yesterday (in a 45 minute phone call.) We were glad to have a few hours to discuss what the conversation entailed and what would be our current plan of action.

So the decision for now, 'is hold course' in Guatemala. The elections are next week, looks like we won't have a referral until after the New Year,(Guatemala is threatening to "close" by January 1st to all adoptions-if you believe them.) We are now #15 on the girls list.

As God didn't tell us what to do, and originally he told us Guatemala(2005)...we are walking (or waiting) the path. As we know we will be adopting, the timing and country remain in His hands. (as they always were.)

Helen Keller said the only thing worse than having no sight is to have sight but no vision.