Sep 17, 2011

Fear, Vision and Reality {parenting}

Parenting is hard.   

Sometimes the burdens we carry are hard.  Sometimes they are hard to share.
Many times it is difficult to admit that you are struggling.  In admitting that no matter what you try, nothing seems to be getting the heart of your child.  Even admitting that you are at the point of questioning if anything done thus far has even penetrated the heart strings of the child that you so desperately want to see touched by God.  

Parent's sometimes grow weary of their hard task of training.
Today I met with a dear friend, wise woman and huge mentor of my heart.  We caught up after a long summer of little contact with each other.  We shared what we have been carrying.  I unloaded a lot of my parenting burdens on her, one daughter in particular who I am concerned for.

She spoke peace to my heart. She told me to trust Him with it and to wait to see what He'd be doing.

On the way home from our meeting, the Lord showed me a vision. 

It was of me driving what seemed like a 1,000 wild horses
My hands were raw from holding the reins so tightly. 
I was not leading, but instead being dragged by the reins that attached me to said horses.
Everything around me was dry and looked in need of refreshing. 
I looked (and felt) beat, but then there was a voice that said,
" Loosen your hold on the reins.
In exhaustion I did.  Immediately He showed me that it wasn't me holding the reins, 
it was Him
 My hands had only been clutching His (which were indeed the Ones who were holding the reins.)

The flood seeped out. 
I've been holding so much in, maybe too much.
I am not a super-hero, I am just me, a mother of 8, 
who passionately Loves Him and desires that my children do too.

I can trust Him, He knows all there is about wild horses. 

I am not giving up, I am taking a break and instead releasing my wild horse team to Him. I am not driving, 
I never was, it was His nail scarred hands that had been tenderly holding the reins, while my hands dug into His, never realizing the reality of what had been occurring.

Psalm 139:13
For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

I never saw this verse written in the King James Version, guess I had it memorized in a more modern text.  How perfectly it matches my vision the Lord gave me...He is asking me once again to release control to Him and to trust Him fully, as I am fully known.


Stacy said...

Thankful *for* you for God's sweet faithfulness in giving you that vision that so ministered to you, dear friend.
And yes, parenting IS hard. I am ever thankful that it is HE who is holding the reins, not I!

Love to you,

andrea said...

beautiful written. what a great vision to have Him give you. parenting is tough, and it's so easy to allow our will rather than His in situations. great picture to remind me to allow God guide and lead, it's way less scary that way... i suppose human nature/ my control/ my ideas of what God should want for my not His leading...letting go may be a struggle but it's how He desires us to be. thanks for sharing. i love how you share your prayers, concerns. i find your blog uplifting and encouraging!

jennie lawson said...

I have been reading your blog for a while and have found your words very encouraging. Today I went to chuch and our sermon was about divorce and faithfulness in relationships, the marraige covenent which makes a couple one so as to create Godly offspring. I felt disheartened to say the least as not all 5 of my children are walking with the Lord.I'm sure that God sent your vision for me too. Thankyou Jennie

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful. Your life, shared here with us, is a love offering and a sweet aroma.
My kids' hearts are like wild horses, too. We moved here a year ago for a job transfer and bought a home not realizing it was in a questionable area of the ciy. I'm constantly reigning in my kids' hearts and feel as if this giant shield I'm holding to protect them is getting so heavy. My daughter lost her best friend yesterday because her family is so broken and in need of Jesus. Daddy and I had to make the decision. It's so difficult to have to implement wisdom to the heart of a little one that doesn't understand quite yet the dangers of running around without armour.
I will pray for your girl, and for your heart that is heavy and hands that are weary. You aren't alone on this road!

Adina said...

How encouraging. Thank you for sharing. I've held the reigns too hard lately as well.

Bird's Words said...

This speaks volumes to my heart, Kimmie. I have been in a season of battle for my son, and God has been speaking volumes of peace over me, assuring me that His love is greater than mine, and He is in control. It's been hard for me to let go of feeling as if I've failed if he doesn't choose God first. BUt... the beauty has been watching him choose God more and more as I've backed off and allowed him the chance. I feel like I'm seeing my son again for teh first time in a long time, and I am loving it! Spiritual warfar for our kids is serious business, and I'm not going down without a fight! I love you, dear friend!!

Diane said...

Oh Kimmie, how I needed to read this tonight. Recently, I have had to loosen my grip. Oh how difficult that has been, but there is great peace in knowing that our dear Lord is fully in control of those reigns.

Lord bless you,


Blog Widget by LinkWithin