Fear, Vision and Reality {parenting}

Parenting is hard.   

Sometimes the burdens we carry are hard.  Sometimes they are hard to share.

Many times it is difficult to admit that you are struggling.  In admitting that no matter what you try, nothing seems to be getting the heart of your child.  Even admitting that you are at the point of questioning if anything done thus far has even penetrated the heart strings of the child that you so desperately want to see touched by God.  

Parent's sometimes grow weary of their hard task of training.

 

Today I met with a dear friend, wise woman and huge mentor of my heart.  We caught up after a long summer of little contact with each other.  We shared what we have been carrying.  I unloaded a lot of my parenting burdens on her, one daughter in particular who I am concerned for.

She spoke peace to my heart. She told me to trust Him with it and to wait to see what He'd be doing.

On the way home from our meeting, the Lord showed me a vision. 

It was of me driving what seemed like a 1,000 wild horses. 

My hands were raw from holding the reins so tightly. 

I was not leading, but instead being dragged by the reins that attached me to said horses.

Everything around me was dry and looked in need of refreshing. 

I looked (and felt) beat, but then there was a voice that said,

" Loosen your hold on the reins." 

In exhaustion I did.  Immediately He showed me that it wasn't me holding the reins, 

it was Him. 

 My hands had only been clutching His (which were indeed the Ones who were holding the reins.)

The flood seeped out. 

I've been holding so much in, maybe too much.

I am not a super-hero, I am just me, a mother of 8, 

who passionately Loves Him and desires that my children do too.

I can trust Him, He knows all there is about wild horses. 

I am not giving up, I am taking a break and instead releasing my wild horse team to Him. I am not driving, 

I never was, it was His nail scarred hands that had been tenderly holding the reins, while my hands dug into His, never realizing the reality of what had been occurring.

Psalm 139:13

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb.

I never saw this verse written in the King James Version, guess I had it memorized in a more modern text.  How perfectly it matches my vision the Lord gave me...He is asking me once again to release control to Him and to trust Him fully, as I am fully known.