When you are Side Swiped

Yesterday my Knight and I felt like

we were hit by a very large truck. 

At our home church, it was announced a restructuring of sorts, no more Wednesday night services (which are teaching and prayer focused).  As of January we will begin to break up into smaller home groups for our meeting, the groups will be sermon based (but sans our children). 

I get why we are doing it, but as a mother of many my heart is a bit shaky.  How will no worship service on Wednesday effect my children's lives?  I understand the need for change, actually the change is being done out of desperation for getting us beyond surface~y relationships and into true love and fellowship with one another.  Still my heart is aching and very unsure, we did home groups for many years and it didn't change the lack of love and fellowship.

Then our beloved Ethiopian church announced that our Pastor is leaving.  OUR BELOVED PASTOR, who loves us, adores our children, and makes us feel much a part of the church.  A Pastor who has been willing to change up his church, just for US.  He not only preached in Amharic, but always translated for us so we would also be included in being fed and encouraged. 

This the church of my heart, the one that brought me so much healing in finally feeling connected and loved. Though it is a tiny body of Christ, its influence and effect are huge to many.

All of it really didn't hit me (and my Knight) until we got home, until we separated ourselves from the days events.  At my home church I encouraged others to trust that God would walk us through this, that we would come out better.  At my beloved Ethiopian church, I kept my tears in my heart and instead chose to build up my Pastor in not being sad, but believing God is going ahead of him to California and all that He is calling him to there.

At days end my Knight and I lay in bed saying how sad we felt, over and over I found myself saying,

"I am SAD,"

  Somehow saying it helped.

Of course God is the one who binds up the broken~hearted.  He goes before me, my Knight and my children as we follow Him in obedience.  

Still my heart weeps.  

Letting go of what you love is hard.  

(I learned this lesson first hand in having to let go 

of my 3 orphaned raccoons-

allowing them to be who
God created them to be.)

Today I am still sad, but I remind myself that God is in control and that..

He is leading me (us) to green pastures

and though

I walk through the valley (a sad place) of the shadow of death (letting go)

that YOU (my Lord and my God) are with me 

and 

I will (should) fear NO evil.