When Adoption Fails (A Mother's Heart)

 

Once upon a time nearly 8 years ago...

a little baby named Juan was brought into our lives through foster care.  Juan was on the road to finding a permanent family and we thought it was us.

We loved this boy and couldn't wait for him to be ours.  

However, God had different plans. 

 Though it felt like my heart was being ripped out when we learned he had siblings in another home

 and

 they trumped us, it was devastating.  The system failed us, the system was NOT truthful or forthcoming. How often in life does this happen with whatever system we are putting our hope in?  Systems fail, people fail, sometimes our hearts are dashed to the dust, but what we have learned is, "God never fails!"

God asked, "Do you trust me?"

We also had two adoptions to Guatemala never come to completion, thousands of dollars were lost.  God reminded us in our deep sorrow that the money was never ours.  He continued to whisper, 

"Do you trust me?"

A week ago, after over 18 months of waiting for our state to give us special permission to adopt again (we are over our states limit of 6 children). We received our waiver!!  It has been a long quiet road to this wee one. However, we know that God has a purpose and a plan and we are in expectation/waiting mode.

We are expecting a baby.  Though she has yet to be identified.  The Lord has said her name to us, it means 'wholeness.'  He has told her she will be rescued from death; she will not be aborted as planned.  We continue to wait the long wait and believe that the God that we have learned to trust, through thick or thin, 

has a plan.

Sometimes life has many twists and turns, sometimes tears, sometimes  laughter-however we KNOW that God is for us and that no matter where He leads us that His paths lead to peace, goodness and that it is for our good.

Jeremiah 29:11

Hope from the Word

Over 10 years ago, in the throws of secondary infertility, an elders wife told us the Lord had spoken this over my Knight and I. It has been a source of great comfort in the midst of the battle.

Oh Lord, may my life bring you Glory. Help me not focus on me, but let my life always think of others first. Strengthen and empower me this day Oh God, purify my heart again.

Psalm 128 (The Message)

A Pilgrim Song

1-2 All you who fear God, how blessed you are! how happily you walk on his smooth straight road! You worked hard and deserve all you've got coming. Enjoy the blessing! Revel in the goodness!

3-4 Your wife will bear children as a vine bears grapes, your household lush as a vineyard, The children around your table as fresh and promising as young olive shoots. Stand in awe of God's Yes. Oh, how he blesses the one who fears God!

5-6 Enjoy the good life in Jerusalem every day of your life. And enjoy your grandchildren. Peace to Israel!

A view of my beautiful HERD

Pirate Jackie (17)

Fozzdike (14) (our seemingly angry cow)

King Meemer (6)

Princess Giggles (7)

Princess Sunshine (9) (our cow lover)

King Bonkie (5)

Cabot's cheese factory...Cabot Vermont~ a great way to pass the time while waiting on an adoption.

*hurry*

(okay, so I am not feeling any more patient since yesterday...for those of you who offered to *yell* with me...sigh, thanks! Of course praying is still key ;-))

A day at my Mum's farm

Collecting pieces of found tiles-my little archaeologist
Time out for a ride through their miles of woodland
One of the many toys
Flopsy goes out to visit the horse with us

Our beautiful Asa
Asa is a Norwegian Fjord


Sweet kisses

Grampie getting help repairing the fences
Grampie has such fun toys!
Princess Sunshine loves LOVES her cows...she even got to name them.
Nellie and April
Baby Toby and mama April

******************************************

It's always lovely when we can find a free day to run out to my mum and stepdad's farm (my father died, and later my mum remarried David, who we love).

They love their simple life and so do we. Their life is full of hard work, caring for the cows and horse, gardening (my mother's passion), and always some HUGE job that David is tackling...like turning a forest into a pasture.

My mum is such a homesteader, I only got a wee bit of her skill, though praise God, I am still learning. My mum has taught me so much and I am so thankful. I certainly wouldn't be the mother I am, without all that she poured out daily for me. So thanks mum, I love you!

Guess What Today is?

One year ago today, we were doing this, do you remember?

It has been a busy day, I will try to post some celebration pictures tomorrow.

God is amazingly good.

The pictures in this post were from the 10 days we had the kids for respite care (babysitting for another foster care family-who we never met before!). Little did we know, that the three tiny kids who walked up our bricked sidewalk that day, with their wee little suitcases, God intended to be our children. God meant 10 days to be forever and ever, amen!

The 'suddenlies' of God are amazing...our story is here, if this is the first time you're reading our story and want a better picture!

Homeschool and reading

Homeschooling and reading, reading and homeschooling~ how those words make my heart flutter. You see I am a teacher, one who has been blessed to teach her students to read- and lucky blessed me, they are all of MY children!

I love reading, I love to teach reading-you see reading makes sense to me, it makes your heart do flips, it opens the world of knowledge to you, it makes me want to kiss Benjamin Frankin (he gave us the Public Library).

I believe in phonics- thus I teach phonics. As soon as my kids are old enough to sing that 'alphabet song,' ~well, I hook them up with learning the sound each letter makes. My first student learned to read by her fourth birthday. She was immediately into chapter books. My second learned to read at 3...though she took longer to string her ability to read words into sentences. She came around fast and by four was a 'reading machine.' My third daughter also learned by 4, though she is not a lover of reading, which to me is so sad. We are still encouraging her, to spend more time with a books and though she will read endless stories to her younger siblings (like 20 at a shot), she still hesitates to pick up a chapter book. When she does, she is all excited and wants to tell me detail by detail of what she is reading-baffling, I know.

I am working on reading now with my newest children. My 5 and 6 year old hadn't been read to when they came last year(through foster care), they had no attention span-but we fixed that! Now I take them to the library and they say in the most earnest of voices, "Thank YOU Mama." (like I just gave them a 5 pound chocolate bar and told them to enjoy themselves.)

King Meemer (5) is into the reading thing, Princess Sunshine (6) has some speech problems, so sounding out has become a little bit of trouble for her- though she IS reading. King Bonkie (4) who thinks he is the oldest and should lead his 5 older siblings, has decided to not get left in the 'reading dust,' and is determined that he too will read.

To teach my first, 13 years ago, I made my own simple books. I illustrated them with funny little characters and my daughter was hooked. We made many books together and so loved it. As God gave me more children, I did less book writing, by the time our third came and we were up to our eye balls in the foster care system that she was a part of, well somehow there just wasn't the time or energy. My sister in law had begun homeschooling and had showed me their 'Bob Books.' They were so like my silly wee books, but you could just plunk down a few bucks and have a little box of simple readers to get you going. If you are teaching reading, I highly recommend them. My kids love them and hey, if you can love a book-that is groovy to me. Well, so long as it is honoring to God.

I am so privileged to live in a country where homeschooling is legal, I am blessed to have the opportunity to allow my children to read wonderful books. As soon as we get the reading I will hand them a children's Bible and tell them to 'have at it.' I will teach them to bow their heads and hearts each time and ask the Holy Spirit to come to teach them His Word. After all, there is no other book that will help you more, no other book that offers you eternal life, that has the solution to your every problem-a book that points to a Savior who loved you enough to die for you!

Yes Lord, those who honor You, You will honor. Holy Spirit, teach my children to love your Word (the Bible).

Giving Him the Glory

I felt led to share a little deeper into our Christmas celebration, so walk with me for a few minutes and join my family out back in the barn...

Our traditional picture on Christmas morning...someday maybe we will fill the staircase?!

Our barn manger with baby Jesus

Papa reading the Christmas Story out of the Bible...from Luke, while the children drank hot cocoa.
Christmas morning breakfast in the barn, well ricotta pie of course!

This is our 2nd year of celebrating Christmas morning in our barn-actually, it's our second year of having a barn.

Long before I had a barn, I asked my Father for one- you see I had a, 'heart desire' for a barn. I simply asked God, believing He was able. I actually made a list of my heart's desire and gave it to my heavenly Father. I learned from my walk with Him, that He is a God of specifics, a God of detail and a Father who loves to lavish gifts on His children.

When we came to see this house in March 2005, we didn't know there was a barn, for some reason it wasn't listed as part of the property. What a surprise, as we waited for our real estate agent, when we rounded about the back of the house to see a barn. My heart fluttered and I knew my Father remembered my desire. This was to be our new home, the one God has told us we would need, as He was sending more children.

Looking back on that list I had made, I can see that God is a God that listens, He longs to bless His children~ my home and barn are proof to his goodness and attests to the fact that He abundantly blesses His own.

Now, this didn't happen immediately, this list lay in my journal for several years, occasionally I opened it and reread it, regiving it to God, adding things over time that I realized might be useful or helpful to the vision God had given me. If you saw the list you'd be amazed ...as one by one you could check it off as, "received."

I encourage those of you who walk in a relationship with God through the salvation found in Jesus, to consider becoming more specific in your prayers this coming year. Why? Well, certainly not so you can "get," but so that you can experience His great love for you in a deeper way. Sometimes you don't get what you ask for, because God knows what is best for His children and what is in line with His Will. I encourage you to step out, grab a new notebook and start journaling your prayers, your hopes, your conversations with God. He is a listening God and I believe He is a speaking God...see what He has to say to YOU!

Then when it is all said and done, don't be shy, give Him the Glory~!

Have you received God's first gift to you? It's found in the book of John...

John 3:16

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."