The Past and the Future

As I was looking for something to write about, I came across this old family picture.  My sweet father, Laszlo and my mum, sandwich me in this old photo.  I am not sure who the woman is along side my dad, but assume it is an aunt. This picture gives me joy, but also stirs up a great sadness.

My dad has been gone for over 24 years now.  He took his last breaths just before my one and only pregnancy brought forth his first grandchild.  He never met any of his grandchildren and the loss has been huge to us all.  As you can see he found joy in family.

  My dad loved people and was always humming a song or singing.  He was a people guy and one who would give his shirt to anyone in need.  Proof of that would be the hundreds of people that came to his funeral; that I never met, but all had a story of how my dad had helped them.  He was loved and one who loved generously. Not many went through the line with a dry eye or without sharing in an unheard story of something my wonderful father had done for them.

Looking at me as a baby, I wonder by the look on my face if I am like him.  People have been more of a struggle for me.  I would love to be like him in that regard, but I find many times that relationships are complicated and that anything beyond the surface is really hard.  My heart longs to love, which I try, but not with as much ease as my father did it in.  It was a gift of his and one he used so very well.

My father was really laid back and I have been told that in that regard we are alike. I am easy going and so was my dear father.  He was a man of great creativity and loved to design things of beauty (mostly with wrought iron).  I wish I had more to show you, perhaps I need to talk to my mum about old family pictures and learn the art of scanning.  Time is such a hard thing to work these days. I have been told I am creative, so maybe he gave me some of that too.

I miss my dad.  I am not sure of his walk with God.  He was raised in a religion and didn't see the need to make it personal.  My heart often wonders and longs to know more about his spiritual life and his relationship with God.  I guess in that we are very different, as pretty much everyone I ever meet soon knows about my love for God and my personal relationship with Jesus.  I am an evangelist at heart and long to see the gospel transform those it touches. The Word of God is transforming for sure.

Mourning for my dad has been a long journey.  So many times things pop up in life and I wish he were here, so I could ask him what he'd do.  So often I want him to rejoice with me, but have to release tears of knowing it is just not possible.  My children have heard many stories about Grampie Kiss, but that and a few photos and my wedding video is all they will know of him.

I told God that when I get to heaven I might just hug my dad first, if he indeed is there.  You see I expect to see Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit, but my dad isn't in the definite column for eternity in my heart.

The Word says that there is only one way to heaven and that is through Jesus.  It isn't a church or a denomination that saves you, only the blood of Jesus.  That blood covers over all of our sins that separate us from a Holy God.  When we (each/individually/personally) confess our sins, and ask for forgiveness, He eagerly takes up position as Savior.  We make Him Lord as we give Him that position in our lives, every day thereafter.

The Savior is the only one who saves.  It isn't based on our goodness.  The Bible tells us none of us are able to earn our way there (Romans 3:23).  I hope my dad made that decision for himself, to invite Jesus to be his Lord and Savior- if he did he never told me.  We talked about my faith a lot, but he never moved from his views.  He listened, he was a great listener, but he never told or showed me differently before he left.

I share all of this very heartfelt stuff to say,  please don't put off what you should do today.  Please don't leave this earth without Jesus. My dad left suddenly and unexpectedly.  He was too young, but it was the time that God had allotted him on this earth.


 Jesus came to give you life and give it to you in the fullest (John 10:10).

If you don't know Him, He is waiting.  For those who are praying for you, bless their hearts and tell them you have decided to invite Jesus into your life.  
It will make the world of difference for you and for them.

Of course my hope is in Him 

and that I can trust 

that He works all things (to those who love Him) for my good. 

My dad was my hero,

 he was my best friend, 

I miss him terribly, 

but

 I have to say Jesus is my hero too,

 and the Word tells us He is the best friend any of us could ever want.

A Word of Encouragement from my Father

This feels a bit random, but as I lived it, I thought I'd share it in hopes that it would also encourage you my friends.

Tonight I went to the wake of a sweet friend, who is now home with Jesus.  She lost the battle with cancer, but never lost the focus of her passion and love for Jesus.  She was 75 years young and never have I met someone so positive, so full of thanksgiving and always ready with a kind word of encouragement. 

It was supposed to be just 6-8 p.m. calling hours, but it turned into the most beautiful service I have been to.  People got up and shared, people sang, people preached the goodness of God.  I was so greatly blessed by Tiny's life and by how she touched all of us that gathered to show our love.  I was slightly jealous that I wasn't Jamaican, as at 75 she didn't have one wrinkle on her beautiful peace filled face.

As I sat listening tonight, I was so encouraged to meet so much of my family in Christ.  I met brothers and sisters I may never see again, but share the same Father with me.

As I drove home, I was talking to my Father in heaven.  I was thanking Him for letting me know Tiny for the past year and a half.  For the blessing of meeting a woman like her, a woman who has influenced my life for the Kingdom.  I was telling Him how I will miss her prayer in Bible study, for as we go around the table she always prayed in King James  (and for those of you who don't know, though I most often read the Bible in a more modern translation, I have a great love for the King James Version of the Bible).  We came from different denominations, but are the same family.

As I drove my Knight's car home, I began to thank God that He had my earthly father teach me how to drive a standard car.  I rarely drive one these days, as the bigger vehicles we have moved into don't allow for my preference of standard, but tonight as I reflected on my friend's life He allowed me to shift and clutch all the way home. 

I remembered my father teaching me, I was in a Volkswagen van, it was bright orange.  His way of teaching me wasn't the conventional way, but it worked.  I share it not to shock you, but to get to the next part.  My papa would take me out on to a dirt road with a slight incline.  He'd get out of the car, put me into the drivers seat and would stand directly behind me (well, probably giving himself a few feet of jumping room) and tell me to *balance* (which means; don't stall out the car and DON"T ROLL BACKWARDS)!  It was high pressure to not kill my father.  I laugh now, but then I didn't quite get it.  I will tell you that I learned FAST.  I am not sure if this was because I didn't want to kill my father, or that I just wanted to not have any more driving lessons out on that dirt road. 

Tonight, as I thanked God for my father and for my ability to drive a standard, God told me that He stands behind me just like my father did.  How He pushes me out into areas I am not so confident in. How He puts me on paths that sometimes I am not very experienced at.  But, how He is behind me, His loving hands on my shoulders ready to catch me and push me forward on this path of life He has for me. A path so very different than I ever dared to imagine.

Tears of thanksgiving came down my face as I realized why my Hungarian father, who I adored, had stood behind me as I learned to drive that Volkswagen Bus-it was so my Heavenly Father could tell me tonight that;

 ~He is always standing behind me, and in front of me and beside me...

All ways, always.

Jeremiah 29:11 (The Amplified Bible)

For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final outcome.

...(The Message Bible)

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

Ethiopian Coffee...and Sleep

I wish I had a witty picture to share, ahem, but I don't.

I thought I'd share what my night looked like last night; due to 2 deliciously strong cups of Ethiopian coffee, that I indulged in too late in the day.

imagine if you will:

Time...post 1:00 a.m.....

Kimmie laying in bed.

Trying to sleep.

Shutting her eyes.

Rolling about.

No sleep.

Not worrying, which is good.

With adoption many times I worry when instead I should be sleeping.

This night I moved it to the absolute ridiculous though.

As I lay there...I actually found myself asking myself,

"I wonder why they call it horseradish?"

Now if I had any horseradish, or had even thought of horseradish in the last days, weeks or years, this might have been explainable. But alas, no explanation. Lay there I did, pondering all the possibilities of what the reason could be.

Do you know; so I can move on to a new question for tonight.

Yes, I have problems and one of them is my LOVE for strong Ethiopian coffee. Especially when I am tired, bad I know.

But coffee is coursing through my veins,

thanks Papa, for passing your addiction on to me.

Why your Vote counts...little lives depend on it

3 minutes...life....vote...your vote will be priceless!

Choose a man who Jesus will say...'Well done my good and faithful servant.'

Jesus would never choose abortion.

And pregnancy Mr. Obama is not a punishment, it is a blessing, because only God can give life and also, He is the only one who can take it.

John McCain believes life begins at conception, he also is a supporter of adoption.

Remembering

This is a picture from the 70's..my Papa in the middle, my younger sister Laurie and my baby brother Joe.

Yes, that is a groovy red volkswagon-it is one of several we had over the years. My father taught me how to drive one, when the time came-I learned on a standard. His ways were unconventional, he thought outside the box. His mind was always turning, his hands were always at something. He was a BIG people person.

This labor day weekend, I spent with my mum at her place. I was thinking about family and how much has changed since my beautiful Hungarian father died.

My papa was a hard working man. He came to a country as a young man-alone, became a citizen, learned the language, worked hard, married, had 3 children, bought a home and loved being a family man.

A few times today, with different people conversations drew me into remembering my father.

Laszlo loved big, gave big, dreamed big, worked big, thought big, and was loved big.

Life changes, sometimes it hurts. I think I am in many ways like my father-but still the hole he leaves in my life since he departed is empty. I cherish the memories and remember that I am part of him and must carry on, big.

Dad, I miss you. I wish you were here to share in my day to day, I wish you could have met your grandchildren, you would like them, well, people say, "We're big."

Pastor Rick Warren Fox News~ interview of candidates

I just learned that Pastor Rick Warren (author of The Purpose Driven Life), of Saddleback Church, will be hosting a forum from his church with candidates Obama and McCain,

Saturday 8 pm on Fox News (Eastern Standard Time.) Check listings for other times.

John McCain and Barack Obama in a live forum hosted by Rick Warren. Sat., 8 p.m. ET

He is centering his questions (which will be identical for each candidate) on four areas:

• role of president in government
• leadership
• America's role internationally
• and their personal world view

There will be one hour given to each of the presidential candidates.

Rev. Warren will not endorse a candidate, but wants us to be informed voters and their world views will be particularly helpful.

As a Christian and a mom of adopted children, I recommend you read this. Life is precious and I have 5 children who could have been aborted. Also, my dad came from a communist country...voting is our privilege-people died for our right to vote!

thanks Liz for the heads up!

Now grab a cup of tea/coffee and watch 7:45 of Pastor Rick Warren's interview with Cambell Brown from CNN