Sharing today's Cry...

Asking God to help me to be transparent, open and usable for His purposes.

It's Okay to be Needy-Chapter 3

Chapter 3-It's Okay to be Needy

I'll go first and then you jump in to this weeks discussion...

This weeks chapter, touched a cord in my heart when I read it.  It made me see a major problem I have.  I realize that I have made myself safe-guarded from possible hurt and rejection, by not being needy. 

Ask anyone that knows me, needy is not what you would here from them, if it passed from their lips it would have the word NOT attached to it.  As I read how, Lisa Whelchel, began to feel needy and begin to take great courage to step out into a new friendship stating her need, it made me weak in the knees. 

I realized that the un-needy-ness in my life, is not due to absolute sufficiency, but from fear.  I am ultimately afraid to appear needy, as this would open me up to rejection. 

"What would be so bad about that?" you may be asking.

Well, ultimately it hurts.  I am not sure where this fear of rejection began.  I can't put my finger on it, perhaps it is because I have always felt that I have fallen short of others expectations.  Not putting yourself out into *needy*,

keeps you (me) safe from the pain of rejection, 

of disappointment, 

and from hurting in those deep quiet places that reside within us.  

But ultimately it makes us more broken, more isolated and causes me so many tears.

Really, it is silly.  I have been bought with a price, my life is quite valued by One who paid the highest price to call me His own. (if you don't know what I am talking about, email me and I will share more on who Jesus is and what He did for you and for me.)  

Though I read it, over and over again in the Bible, still something inside of me believes; somehow it doesn't apply to me.  Somehow He didn't really mean me when He said it.  

How could I ever believe such a lie?  How could it have ever taken such a deep rooting in my heart and mind?  

Roots it does have, but it is fall planting time and time to uproot what isn't bearing any more fruit.  

Rejection-loneliness-fear

 ...you NEED to go.

I am wrestling, believe me I want O_U_T out of this false belief and into a full revelation of who I am in Christ (where LOVE always rules and fear is cast away.)

I can totally relate to Lisa saying she was ever so close to a breakdown, some days my heart is so heavy, I think I won't be able to bear up in the weight of the desire of my heart to have intimate deep friendships.  The kind of friendship where I am free to be me, without me holding myself back, free to experience the full joys of friendship, without the worry of not being wanted or needy eventually.  Past the fear of where I am standing now. 

Though I don't think I am in fear, I must be, as I am anywhere but free and still am not walking in what I hope to with my friends.

Some ideas Lisa shares in hopes of giving us a kick start to opening up our NEED:

• find a friend (or friends) and pray for each other...pray for 3 specific things for a given time for each other. (Lisa suggests you exchange small tokens with each other as reminders to pray.)  Meet for lunch at the end of your prayer time to talk about how God has answered those prayers.

• find a Bible study to join- invite a friend to go with you. (or dare to make a new friend!)
• invite a few friends for a weekend getaway...time alone to work on matters of the heart.

• set aside a day to talk (in depth) and pray with a handful of friends. (make it a priority in your lives)

• call a friend and share something that has been stirring in your heart, rather than keeping it to yourself, and making it another isolated inner experience.

• take an overview of your life, find 3 things you can cut out to make room for growing friendships.

Waiting to hear from you 
...hoping all of you will jump in and share your hearts too!

(it only takes a minute to reread the chapter or just to comment on what I have reminded you of from the chapter).

Homeschool-Bible- and Laughter

Today, we were reading the Bible together, to start off our homeschool day.  It was a beautiful morning and we gathered outside on our deck.  Princess Sweetness (13) had gathered her 3 Bibles
(one in Oromo, one in Amharic and one in English) 
and the rest of us had the one language in which we spoke.  

She began to read us from John chapter 8 first in Oromo, her native language.  Then she read a bit of Amharic (the main language of Ethiopia, her second language she acquired at the age of 7, when she entered the orphanage).  She struggles a bit more in Amharic, but I press her to continue through her struggles; as I want her to retain this language- not just spoken with her friends over the phone, but in writing as well.

We all follow as she reads, as she keeps us informed (in English)as which verse she is on.  When she is done, we switch then to English.  One by one my children take turns reading orally their given section of the Scripture (we read in the New International Version).  Princess Sweetness also practices her English, occasionally I correct her pronunciation, but usually we just enjoy her joining in. Her English has MUCH improved over the past 5 months.

Often we stop to discuss what we are reading.  

Today my 8 year old son asked a question.
And I share it with you, as we still are laughing.

He said, "Mama..."

I said, "Yes King Meemer." 

He said, "Mama, why did they put salt and pepper on Jesus?"

I cocked my head and thought what he might be talking about...

then it came to me...

John 19:40

Then took they the body of Jesus, and wound it in linen clothes

with the spices,

as the manner of the Jews is to bury. 

We talked about it later, as we shared the story of our day with Papa.

King Meemer still was not getting it, to him it just wasn't funny.  As we told Papa he asked again...

"Okay, now explain to me why they put seasoning on Jesus!"

I will NEVER talk about Jesus' burial again,
without thinking of my sweet 8 year old son and his trying to wrap his mind around 
*why*
they were putting salt and pepper on his Jesus.

Changes...

 

 Today is the first day of fall...

which of course has its own beauty here in New England. 

Coming soon are; beautifully colored trees, pumpkins galore, fresh picked apples, piles of leaves to jump in, warm cosy sweaters to bundle up in, cooler days and extra blankets to keep from having to resort to turning on the heat....

I am so not ready...!

What about you?

Happy Sweet 16 Today !

My Sweet Hungarian daughter turns sixteen today.  It seems like just yesterday that we were flying to Hungary to meet her for the first time...back then she was 14 months old and an orphan. She was such a sweet baby, such a thoughtful girl and such a blessing to us.

Now she is mine and how blessed we are to call her ours.

Happy birthday Fozzdike!

The Facts of My Life...chapter 2

Ready to share what chapter 2 of,

Friendships for Grown-ups 

stirred in you?

In this chapter Lisa Whelchel does a quick review of her childhood and early friendship years.  In her sharing, we are encouraged to take a look back, to see if there are circumstances that formed our foundations of friendship.  

Some of the questions she gives us to ponder are...

*are there some dark memories from your childhood you feel led to share? (remember this is to help you open these areas to God's LOVE and Light...helping us to rid ourselves of dark shadows that begin to control and shape us.)

*is there something from your childhood that gave you unhealthy response patterns?

*what are your earliest childhood memories and what did they write on your heart?

*how would you define being transparent and being vulnerable in your own life?

*have you experienced the feeling of PLEXIGLASS relationships in your life?

***********************

What spoke to me most in this chapter, and what I am currently wrestling with is from the last few paragraphs...something she quoted from Dr. Henry Cloud...

"You can move towards others, get socially involved, and have relationships,

but still feel isolated."

Me being very real...

Lately I fight back tears, constantly trying to keep it together; as I have realized that even among my closest friends (who I need to deepen my relationships with, as we have realized we have HIT a WALL in regards to our boundaries)...that I feel alone.  In a group of many, I feel alone.  Somehow, the connection that I am longing for is amiss, somehow my relationships are falling short.  Some of this may be from various reasons, like 2 adoptions in 2 years, needing more time alone with my children for bonding purposes...but tell that to my heart!

My friends and I (those who I am closest to) have discussed it and we are trying to work on strengthening our weak areas.  We each are digging deeper, but still I find myself with a very tender heart.  Life is full, yes, but still I don't want to get to, *someday,* down the road, with regret from having gone through such a large portion of my life without the intimate friendships that my heart is so desperately longing for.

I think too that I would really like a mentor.  Someone who loves God as passionately as I do, but can guide me along this path of faith, motherhood, marriage and life (is this too big of a wish?)

Eager to hear from you, please share as much as you are comfortable with...nothing will be as *rambling* because what you are feeling is important to me (and to God) and it is all about us working and praying together to overcome these walls that have surrounded our hearts and kept us from being the friend others need us to be in their lives...which allows them to be the friend we need in OUR lives!

Prayer Request Sunday

Welcome to Prayer Request Sunday!

Would you like me to pray for you this week?  
 I'd love to believe God with you.  Just leave me a comment and we will join hearts and prayers together!

And don't forget, we forge on into chapter 2 of, Friendship for Grown-ups this week....hope you will find time to join us.  AND even if you are not reading the book; certainly you are welcome to share your heart about friendship, your hopes, your desires and where the Holy Spirit is leading you in this area of life!

A Few Pictures from Vacation...

Our holiday in Westerly, Rhode Island...a gift from God.

(some pictures taken by the Pirate, who now shares my camera)

 

 

 

God gave us a vacation in Westerly, Rhode Island.  

How?

At the fundraiser for Princess Sweetness' adoption,  God moved a man's heart.
Actually He spoke to Lou (a man who goes to Bible Study with my Knight)
and told him to give my Knight a week of his house at the beach.

  He told Lou that we would need a vacation ...
God also added that He loved my Knight and that He wanted to bless us.
In obedience Lou gave us his wonderful house for a week.

Honestly, it was the BEST, BEST, BEST 
vacation we have EVER had!

Chapter One: I NEED Friends

Hi Friends, 
both far and near...

Today, we begin with chapter one of Lisa Whelchel's book, Friendship for Grown-ups.  We will forge on together, chapter by chapter into developing and growing friendships.  I am excited to see what and how God works in our hearts and lives; as we open up~ take risks and believe God together.  

I hope you will share each week what impacted you in each chapter (some of us are going back through each chapter, some are reading it for the first time). 

Please share from your notes or as you feel led, as it will not only benefit you, but us as well.  Remember, you are not alone in this- we are  holding hands and stepping together into the river of friendship. Thankfully, we are entering in with much prayer (see yesterday's post if you haven't begun with inviting the Holy Spirit to minister in your life.)

As Lisa begins the book, she shares her past friendships. She touched on gossiping and how it may be used unwisely as a tool for conversation.  She used examples from situations with some of her old acting friends (Lisa was on television for many of her teen years on a show called, The Facts of Life) - how after years of being apart, how quickly they entered back into the immature behavior of talking about someone who wasn't in the room -with a negative connotation about that person.  

Later, God gently reminded Lisa that those women she was talking (gossiping) about were His little girls and that he wanted her to stop talking about them that way.  

How often do we resort to *gossip* because of our own fears and insecurities?

Lisa began to see her identity was tied to performance... 

I think for many of us, we could say the same, I know I can.  I think my doing is who I am, it makes my worth. The more I can do, the better I feel about myself.  Of course this is a lie from the pits of hell, it is not what I do, but *who I am* ~ who God made me to be that truly matters.  Honestly, with 8 children, there are some days that I just don't get much done, honestly there are weeks that not much (or what I would consider to be MUCH) gets done...

so if my worth is set on my doing, well I am setting myself up for misery and failure for sure!

Part of the turn around for Lisa in this stage was only speaking positively about others.  As Christians,we should be manifesting the fruit of the Spirit (basically evidence of Who has taken up residence within us).

Galatians 5:22-23a

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³gentleness and self-control.

Lisa also shares about becoming a safe person...one who others feel safe with, knowing that they can be themselves with you. I have one friend, who upon meeting me said, she knew I was safe.  I never really knew what she meant by that, I never really asked her, but as I read Lisa's words- it was healing to many hurting places in my heart.  Oh, that we could be safe friends, ones that would be a haven to those who God puts in our lives.  I think one of the areas that I am struggling with is when you have to step out of being a *haven* and when and how to speak the Truth in love.

I struggle especially, as God has given me the gift of Knowledge (sometimes I know things - and I have no idea how I know that, but just that I do.) For me, learning to use the gift of Wisdom - which is basically, the *how to* apply or when to apply the knowledge God has given you.  God needs to bring me out of fear and into a deeper level of Trust in Him, as this is where I now see a large portion of my battle.

There are many life lessons within our past friendship, our current friendships and our future friendships.  What are some of the things this chapter stirred in your heart?  We need to dive in past our heart and into our head, I think or maybe it is the other way around? ;-)

Three things Lisa offers in conclusion of this chapter are...

1. Our paths will each be different through friendship
2. God will lead us each personally along the way of friendships
3. And walking it all out will take longer than we probably think. (sigh)

Coming to the place of realization that we NEED friends (for me this is huge, as part of my defense mechanism is thinking I can just do it myself, and that I don't NEED anyone.) is a great beginning point of our friendship adventure...

...I know it is for me, as I tend to take my broken injured heart and want to isolate myself; thinking that isolation means safety.  Somehow isolation becomes my protector. This is wrong on so many levels, because God made us for relationships (back in Genesis He tells us it is not good for man to be alone-you can apply this to friendship too!) He desires that we encourage each other (hard to do in isolation, eh?) and we are to build each other up in Love (also hard to do when you are more worried about protecting yourself from more pain or hurt.)  I do think some alone time is good, I do love it and crave it at times, but in all reality we NEED each other.  I want deep, real, true friendship and I know you do too~plus He very clearly tells us that He is, our Protector-so we mine as well hand it over to Him right now!

What was on your heart during this chapter of the book?

Friendship...

Good morning Friends!

I am very excited about meeting with God and you this morning and diving in to this friendship study-using Friendship for Grown-ups (Lisa Whelchel), as our jumping point.

So let's gather together, for the Word tells us where there are 2 or more gathered together, that there He is in the midst.  More than anything, we want Him.  We want Him to minister to our hearts, to lead us, use us and bring us into a place where we can once again give of ourselves freely and generously to others.

Come let's go before the Throne together.

Father;

We thank You for who You are and for Your great love for us.  We thank You for Jesus, who not only died to pay the price for our sins, but did so out of love~so we could be called Children of God.  We thank You for the love You have poured out upon us, and for the deeper level of love and life that You want us to enter into. 

Lord, we ask that You would minister to each of our hearts in deep and meaningful ways.  We set aside these posts, chapter by chapter and ask that You would join us in it.  We come to You Lord, for we know that You are the One who hears us, cares for us, loves us and knows us.  

We ask Lord, that You open those places that need to be open, heal the areas of our bodies, minds, souls and spirits that need Your touch in this area of friendship and love.  Let us go forward today with a fresh filling from your Holy Spirit.  Please Lord, minister to our hearts and lives like only You can.  Allow us opportunities to be a friend, let us have fresh eyes for those around us who are in need of a friend, let us be a friend who gives generously and loves generously.  

Father, I ask that you help us to become the men and women You made us to be.  I ask that by and through Your Word and Spirit that heaven touches our hearts.  Lord, we ask that not only will You make us to be better friends to those You have placed or will place into our lives, but that Lord that You bring us the desires of our hearts to have deep and true friendships.  

I know that many have asked for a Christian friend, one who would sharpen them, as your Word says in Proverbs 27:17 (Iron sharpens iron). We ask Lord that You shatter the old and shape the new heart that You are building in each of us.  Let us give greatly and also receive, like never before.  Come Holy Spirit and fill us a fresh, lead us in this study, bless us, show us Your goodness and Your favor.

We humble ourselves into Your hand and wait with great expectation for Your moving in our lives.  Thank You Lord for all You do, thank You for being a true friend, for loving us when we are anything but lovable.  Thank You for Your faithfulness to us, even when we are unfaithful.  Thank You Lord for speaking to us, for directing us, for wanting to bring us to new places of faith and love in You.  We are eager to learn Lord, teach us and use our lives. 

Do Kingdom business for Your namesake and bring Yourself Glory Lord.

We give you freedom to do as You need in each of our lives Lord, 

and we pray in Jesus' Mighty name, amen!

Come back tomorrow and we will begin in chapter one!  Aren't you excited?

Prayer Request Sunday

Need Prayer?

Want Prayer?

Love Prayer?

I'd love to pray with you this week...leave me a comment and we will get busy!

and...

Tomorrow (Monday) we will join together in prayer for our study...

Friendship for Grown-ups 

 by Lisa Whelchel...

come by and allow the Holy Spirit to prepare your heart,

before we jump into chapter one together 

(we will begin on TUESDAY!! yippee!)

Sisterly Love

Princess Sunshine blessed our beautiful Ethiopian daughter,  with a head full of beads in the color of the Ethiopian flag (well, actually she ran out of red, yellow and green beads and had to pick a few rows of other colors).  We found a place, fairly local, to purchase both beading tool and beads!  (Crown Beauty Supply)

It was a labor of love, as Mama's braids were a bit too fat for the beading tool to work properly. Princess Sunshine (11 years old) patiently put the beads on one by one...what a sweet sister.   

The process took over a hour for her whole head to be bedazzled with beads!

Can you tell they love the camera?

Homeschooling

Homeschooling, it is not for the weak of heart. 

That is all I am going to say for now.  If you think of me, would you pray?  This year I have a new student, our newest daughter from Ethiopia, who is still learning English (she is 13). So I am teaching English as a third language now, my student is very bright, but says, "MAMA, it is hard!"  I'd have to agree.

I also have a two year old, enough said. 

Never mind, that my oldest student tends to lose momentum quickly. 

Also my Irish triplets (7, 8 and 9) need a lot of Mama help with directions and such to stay the course.  

Did you say, 'How do I do it?'

Funny, I was asking God the same thing a few days ago.  'Overwhelmed' may be where I am standing this week, but hopefully I get out of this location and into one filled with joy and peace real soon!  I think I saw a glimpse of it today, as I read Little House in the Big Woods (by Laura Ingalls Wilder); as they drew in their illustration notebook from a short passage that I pulled out of the first chapter.

I think, in all reality that I will need new jeans by spring, as the ones I am currently wearing will be worn out in the knees from all my praying.  

I do love homeschooling- 
 ( good thing, as we are 15 years into it now)

... there are so many wonderful things to learn.  

Hoping I didn't buy too much curriculum, as really my inner Hippie is screaming at me already to run off into the woods with the kids and call it school. 

(Yeah, I would bring a basket of treats to eat and a pile of Living Books (the kind that come to life when you read them) with us and a lovely old quilt to spread out on as we basked in the glory of God.

I'd have to say much teaching with little education is not where my heart is calling me.

Are you Ready to Start?

Hi Friends!

Wanting some feedback from you...

are you ready to start reading Friendship for Grown-ups chapter by chapter, tomorrow? ...

or with school starting up...

would you like to start next week?  

We would begin with chapter one and discuss what it touched on in our hearts and spirits in this quest of friendship.