An Upsetting Dream

If you've known me for more than 5 minutes, you know I have a passion for orphans.

My Knight and I are standing in a place currently, where we are seeking God on *who* He wants us to adopt. Basically, we are asking Him to tell us in detail whether a sibling group or a baby from Ethiopia. We are pretty sure He is leading us back to Ethiopia, but we of course will be listening for any and all specifics. We don't have the money needed for another adoption, honestly, we never had in any of our adoptions. We have always seen Him make a way-with each adoption we've needed to rely more and more on Him, as we've already given all we have. How exciting is that, to wait expectantly for $30,000 if it is a sibling group!

Last night I had a dream, it broke my heart- I need to share it today. It was about 2 children who are yet to be mine? Prophetic, perhaps?

In the dream we are sitting in a semi circle of folding chairs. They are set up outside, most of the chairs are empty. Way down on the left side are 4 children, all about the same age. Two are mine, two are not. The two who are not say to my two, "Our mothers told us the only reason you are here, is that your parents are dead.'

The mothers were sitting on the far right end of the chairs, totally unaware that their 'conversations' were out of the bag and that I had heard.

Now it might have been true, that their birth parents were dead, but the fact was that what those two children said, was just plain mean. My children sat there stunned, hurt and without words. I could see their eyes swelling with tears, that they valiantly tried to hold back.

I, on the other hand began to weep uncontrollably. I was standing to the back of the chairs, enough distant back that no one could see me. My tears flowed at the cruel words that had stung my children's heart. Words that couldn't be taken away, a hurt that only God could heal. No one came to comfort them, no one came to comfort me. I was stuck and unable to move. I couldn't stop crying, the pain from the tears was wrenching my heart- I thought it might literally burst open.

Then I woke up. An hour later, and still my stomach feels sick from it.

Would you pray for my family? Would you consider adding us to your prayer list. We sure do need to hear from heaven on our adoption, that will begin in October.

As a woman who has had years of infertility, my heart longs for a tiny baby. I don't want to decide based on my *wants,* I want to clearly hear from heaven...as His will is better than mine. How do I know? Well, let's just say that 4 of my children came at 3.5, 3, 4 and 5...at times in my life when I was *desperate* for a baby. I had to set aside my will during these adoptions, to say 'Yes,' to His perfect and pleasing will. AND I am so glad that I did, I worked my way away from the tears of *no tiny baby* and opened my heart to the older *babies* He destined for me. They were perfect for our family, chosen by God and we couldn't love them more.

My heart's cry is more of You Lord, less of me. Pressing deeper into my soul, deeper into prayer and tuning my ears to my Father's voice-knowing that He will leads us on roads of righteousness for His namesake. Seeking Wisdom and reading this today with more tears:

seeking God's will

and

Peace only He can give me