Self Image

Self-Image

As a woman I have fought a battle with self-image.  

Many times it seemed as if I was losing in the battle and doing major injury to my soul in the process. I don't think it is uncommon for American women to find a battle in this area of self-image.  Now that I am an older woman, I am seeing a much different me in the reflection of the glass. 

Today, a young BEAUTY-FILLED (BEAUTIFUL!) mom sent me a text.  She has had her own battle. A battle that left deep scars in her story, but one that Jesus has brought her healing in.  We were discussing something in our small church group last night, just she and me off in a corner.  I was warning her about comparing ourselves with other women.  I told her just the day before that I had to push myself away from a situation, I could feel it stirring up the 'devil of comparison.'  It wasn't good for me, so I unplugged from it. I was being plunged into the depths of self-image.  The Spirit within me warned me that I was moving into an area of danger.

My young friend said this to me in her text:

"Hi Kimmie.  I wanted to tell you that you are beautiful. 

 I meant to tell you that yesterday when we were discussing ....  Love you."

To which I responded.

"Ahhh thanks.  Love you too!"

As I thought more about self-image my battle and her personal battle,
 I felt the Holy Spirit  lead me to share:

"My self-image is changing.  Instead of seeing me and all my imperfections, I am beginning to see His transformation of me 'into His image.'  It doesn't happen from the outside,
 so the mirror doesn't always capture it (or contain it!) ...

but it IS SHINING from the inside out.

Instead of self-image my heart says, "Show me Jesus in me!!!"

Her sweet response:

"Amen!! That is awesome. 

 That is my heart's and eye's desire for sure!!"

Oh Lord, change our hearts and eyes to see us as You do. 
 Let the world look at us and see You too!

Spiritual Authority

From a sound sleep I was awakened.  The voice I heard I knew.  It said with the utmost clarity,

 "She sleeps with her hands on her hips."

He had my attention.  But I wondered what it was that God was saying to me.  His words sank into my head and into my heart, they wouldn't let go.  I shared them with my Knight (isn't he cute!)  and he also wondered what it could mean.

As I pondered it and prayed on the words, it came to me.  Not suddenly, but in a matter of days.  God was telling me that I had spiritual authority.  So much authority that even in my sleep, I was a woman with authority from God.

 God has been putting me into a lot of new arenas. He has put many new people into my life, and in the suddenlies of God, they are looking to me for spiritual direction.  He is making both me and my Knight spiritual parents to people in their 20's, 30's and even 40's.  He also has me passionately chasing after Him each week in serving the homeless and poor.  He uses me to feed them, to clothe them and to guide them into a walk with Him.  I am stretched, but ready for more of Him and His plans for me.

Amazed?  I know I am.

But this girl, who apparently God says, "sleeps with her hands on her hips." and also "sits with her hands on her hips" and "stands with her hands on her hips"-(He began whispering it to me in various forms over several weeks).  This girl who was crying out for God, both day and night, has spiritual authority she needs to utilize!

He said it because I needed to hear it.  He spoke it because I needed to study it and get the revelation of what it is I had been given by Him.  If you are unaware you can't use it.  If you don't know you have it, you can't operate under it.  So I began to dig into it and this is what I know...

"We are given spiritual authority to fulfill the function of our calling and to accomplish the work that the Lord has assigned to us." 

 

My authority is for instruction, it is to help, it is to encourage, it is to offer wisdom to those who are searching for it, to give words of knowledge to those He has prepared for me to speak them to.  My authority comes from God, and as I submit my life to His rule and reign, He opens doors and positions me to operate in the fullness of the authority He has given me.

I am accountable to the Lord for my function and how I perform them.  I am to be building others up and desiring them to fulfill the purposes God has created them to fill.

 I believe with all my heart in discipleship and spiritual mentoring.  In reaching the lost and getting them growing in their faith.  I believe a plugged in Christian is a power-filled Christian.  That one who asks Jesus to be their Savior, needs to learn how to make Him Lord every day thereafter.

Spiritual authority is different from natural authority, it isn't about position, but submission to the One who works all things out for our good.

Still I have much to learn in this, but I am willing.  We are saying yes God and learning to live as He guides us.  And do you know what, it is way cool and way exciting.  A new chapter, full of new people, new adventures and things that God has hoped that I would put my hands on my hips and say, "YES" to.

Prophetic Dream Interpretation...

Dreams are just another way that God tries to speak to us, sometimes He needs to use the blackboards of our minds to get the message to us.  Many times during the day we miss the message He is sending, but at night our spirit is quiet and open for Him to move.

My time was ending with my Jesus and Me sabbatical, 

which was about me pushing away for a time (May) to press into God.  

I had become burdened in my friendships, I hit a wall so to speak.  I heard the Holy Spirit wooing me to step away alone with Him, so that He could begin to heal and teach me about the stuff on my heart (wanting deeper friendships).  In the last days of my time, God sent me a very graphic dream.  Funny, at the time I knew it was a God sent dream, but was just enjoying chewing on the visual of it for several days following. 

However...

then God showed up and began feeding me what it all meant (the interpretation of the dream). I hadn't even asked for the interpretation, the dream itself had been such a gift, but God wanted to teach me more. (Doesn't He always, if we just make ourselves open to Him!)

So here goes...the interpretation...

The friend who picked me up and took me on the day trip was JESUS himself (this was His was of saying and confirming; "Yes, you can spend time alone with me." Which was a big question I had when I felt God calling me to time alone with Jesus).  In my dream I just knew it was a very close friend.  I knew it was someone who knew what I liked and wanted me to be blessed.  This friend made it evident throughout the dream that my heart was a priority to Him.  The whole thing was about me pushing away from things that just brought pleasure, to actually receiving what my heart was waiting for.

The red car we were driving in...the red represents the sacrifice that was paid for me, and also the suffering I was going through in friendship(s).  The car was my life/ministry - it was moving to the right.  Right (direction) was showing that the Power of God was going to be revealed through man.  It was showing me that my life (and the ministries God has given me) were moving towards a place of His Authority and Power moving in a new freedom.  It would happen as a natural change that would occur as I submitted my heart and my life to Him.

The day trip itself showed that Jesus knows the things on my heart.  He knows the desires and He alone knows how to bring me to a place where He can give me (or let me enter) into receiving from Him in this area.  He was driving (leading me) and I was just receiving eagerly and willingly from Him.  The blessings came, first small and then big. He plans of bringing me into a new place (a Waterfall so to speak) of blessing.

The day was a Saturday- which He told me means a time for New HOPE!  I need to up my expectations, though everything in the natural (many bad friendships in the past) would tell me to do anything but that.  

The old white house represents my basic needs and values.  White is showing purity, righteousness and holiness- Jesus is saying that He has seen it all (my life) and that He is going to move into this area with me and do the fixing up.  Though I just saw the house as a solid beauty, the Lord saw it as a gift He wants to give me.  It is about trust, receiving a new level of depths that my heart is wanting in my friendships- but He is the one who is going to bring them, and do the restoration that is needed.  

The brown cardboard boxes represent the flesh.  They were filled with lots of neat things, and the prices were good, but I had to come to a place where I could use discernment- realizing that though I liked what I saw I didn't really * need* any of it.  Jesus is saying I am coming into a time where I will have a greater understanding (discernment) to what is important and what isn't. Where my time should be spent, where I should be poured out, and where my time (or life) shouldn't be.  It will be become very clear and the desires will be very vision focused (to the deep desires He has put in my spirit).  

The house was to the farthest part north in town. North shows movement toward the throne of God...coming under His authority and power.   The yard was very green, the Lord showed me that this was that their was new life coming, prosperity and growth for me personally...(the house was me, the yard is the fruit so to speak).   The house was also on a hill, the hill showed upward movement...moving forward towards God.  

The sewing machine and books represented to me things that I love. ( I long to have more reading time, studying time and also time for creativity (sewing)...but it is not time for this ) I had to walk away from these items, for the time wasn't right for these now.  However Jesus was leading toward bigger things within the house (my life/ministry.) 

The interior of the house was mainly spent in the living room.  It was large and light (due to many windows).  Though it was a multilevel house, as I stood in the living room it seemed as there was no roof above me.  As if only heaven itself was the light source for me. How true that Jesus is my light ...but He is also telling me to believe for more (to remove my ceilings)...so that He can pour in the blessings.  The living room represents space and  new freedom. 

The revelation within this living room is that I want to own it.  Jesus is telling me that I want it, but fear is keeping me (or trying) from receiving it.  The first thing after I realize that I love and want this house (increase in my life/ministry and in the area of friendships), that I step forward to the north of the house.  I look out these north facing windows and see 3 abandoned houses.  They are shoulder to shoulder with each other, no yards, only a small alleyway in between each.  

The 3 houses represent 3 of my friends.  These 3 friends are the ones who have been on my heart, the ones that led me towards this time alone with Jesus.  As I see the houses and the shape I want to change my mind on owning this house.  The ugliness makes me want to say no to it.  We already talked about what north meant, but windows show hope. The owner of the house (God) leads me to the west side of the house, to a porch.  The porch is full of windows that look down into a new developed area.  I am told that this side of the yard that is a very steep hill down to the town/shops will not be my worry or concern.  This west side- west representing the end of a time or season in my life...would be taken care of fully by the shop owners.  It was beautifully landscaped and another reason to want the house, as who in their right mind would want to maintain a hill with so many bushes and landscaping. (and it was beautiful). 

The steep hill showed my hardships and trials in friendships, the bushes the injustice that was covered by God (under His control).

He then leads me back to the North Windows and tells me this renovation project is coming next and it will be fixed by Him (restoration and renovation in my friendships!!) 

I was reminded that the east and south side was where I had walked outside for .  The east represents change, Sonrise - his glory and light revealed.  

The living room full of refrigerators showed my heart motive and attitude and what was stored in my heart.  Some were old appliances, one was new.  God was saying that His provision would be abundant (there were so many refrigerators)...but also that they were beautiful old ones reflected the fact that He knows what brings me joy and what will be the perfect blessings.  

The refrigerator filled with oranges and orange juice, that perpetually gave is a reminder of His ability to refresh me and to rejuvenate me.  Oranges stand for courage and strength-energy and vitality! It means a time of refreshing as I stand waiting on Him.  

I am so thankful for Jesus, for His love for me and for giving me this dream and its interpretation.  

I am putting it down here because I want Him to use all of my life for His glory.  I hope it encourages you to look for Him in all of your life.  If you haven't ever had God speak to you in a dream, ask Him.  Then be ready ...put a pen and pad near your bed and see what it is He is saying to you!

My Prophetic Dream

I learned a lot during my Jesus and Me time last month, 

but I think the Holy Spirit summed it all up for me in a dream right at the

end of my dedicated sabbatical with Him.  

I don't know if God has spoken to you in dreams, but since I was a very young girl I have had dreams and visions fairly regularly from God.  I always know when it is a dream from God, because it is extra vivid and though I awake all the details remain etched into my being for long periods of time. I can't shake it even if I wanted to.  It makes me come before Him with the dream and its images, so that He can give me the interpretation.  Sometimes the interpretation comes quickly, sometimes it is weeks later that suddenly I *KNOW* what it was that He was giving me through the particular dream.

Dreams are one way that God speaks to us and gives us understanding and vision for our lives.

The dream I had goes like this:

A friend comes to take me out on a day trip.  He says he knows of a place I will just love.  He drives me to an old college town.  Upon entering the town we turn right and drive through the quaint old village (from 1800's).  The houses are all restored and quite lovely. 

It happens to be a Saturday and the whole village is having tag sales.  We drive by many and stop finally at the edge of the town.  Up on a hill is a beautiful old white house.  It sits on the hill and it is HUGE.  It is in wonderful condition, though it could use a fresh coat of paint.  The hill/yard is strewn with rows and rows of items that were dragged out of the house and set up for the tag sale.  The yard is large and well cared for, it looks down over the town.

My friend and I begin poking through the rows.  There are many lovely things for sale and most of them interest me.  The prices are very good, but though I look at each thing, I keep saying that I really don't need it.  However, I continue to eagerly look through all the rows, winding to the North side of the house and boxes and boxes of books (that I LOVE!).  I am having such a nice day.

The old man that owns the house is also wandering around the yard.  He is fixing things and reordering the things that are being offered.  I sense that I know him somehow, though I have never been to this town before (and really have never even heard of it, though it wasn't a very long drive with my friend).  

I see a sewing machine.  It is older and it is for a serious seamstress.  I ponder it, but realize it isn't something I NEED, though I would like it. 

The man invites me into his house.  It has more rows of items, but many are old vintage appliances.  

The house is huge.  It has beautiful details, old wood floors and lots of potential.  As I continue to look through the old appliances the man's wife suddenly appears.  She is old and bent over.  He begins to tell me that whatever I am interested we can make a deal.  He lets me look all around and I begin to think that I would actually like to own this house.  

He then comes and tells me that he would like to sell the house too (as if he read my mind or if he somehow chose me to be the next owner).  He says he is too old to care for it; he and his wife need to pass it on.  

Suddenly I begin to look around as if I might buy it.  I have already seen the yard, but didn't look with eyes that wanted to own it.  I go to the north (front) side of the house and look out the window.  Immediately I see down the hill from where I stood looking at the books and sewing machine.  Now however I see that across the street are three abandoned houses.  They stand shoulder to shoulder with no yards between them.  I think I no longer want this house.  I don't like the view or the possibility of having to see poverty-neglect- abandonment from my front windows.

The owner leads me over to the west windows.  I am standing in a new room, a porch.  I look down the steep hill and see beautiful landscaping and the road which is a developed town with shops/businesses.  The owner tells me that this side of the yard is cared for by the business' below, though it is mine.  The care for the steep hill and the many bushes that are perfectly groomed will not be my responsibility.  I have already seen the east and south side, which is perfect and makes my heart sing.

The owner tells me that the whole town has been restored and has new life.  However the last three houses remain to the front yard, soon these too will get a renovation and a total makeover.  He wants me to take the house, trusting that in time it will be finished to my joy.

I really love the house!

I think of how light and bright the house is.  How my family would love this huge old house and how we could do the simple painting to make it perfect.  

Suddenly my friend is there again next to me.  He begins to tell me to decide which of the appliances I would like to keep, that are lining the main living room space currently.   There are many (less than 10).  He makes me look inside of them.  They are clean and all working.  Certainly they would be useful with such a large house and with my big family. 

Suddenly before me is a brand new fancy refrigerator in front of me.  I open it and it is gleaming.  It is filled with fresh oranges and orange juice.  The machine makes orange juice and dispenses it fresh continually. My friend tells me to take a big drink.  I do.  It is good.  I am excited and thankful.
My friend tells me he has arranged for this to be mine (they will remove all the things that aren't needed or wanted...making it nothing but perfect for me and my family).

I wake up.

my next post will be the interpretation of this dream.

Jesus and Me- Sabbatical Ends

 

 I learned a few things over the course of May, as I unplugged in an unconventional way from my normal routines and instead spent a sabbatical time with Jesus. I wasn't sure why it was time to unplug from my friendships or what God wanted to teach me. I wasn't sure at all what God was calling me to, but knew that I could trust Him.  I highly recommend it, (especially if He is calling), as it refreshed me like only fasting (from food- long term) has done for me in the past. 

I feel much more settled, more peace filled, less afraid, I feel released from what I have come to term as oppression that had sunk its evil claws into my life, I feel rested, I feel expectant, I feel hopeful of new joys in friendship to come, I am confident that He who called me is working in my life and deeply cares about what is on my heart and mind.

A few *other* things I learned...

• you can spend time alone with Jesus!

• certainly the Father and the Holy Spirit are intertwined with Jesus, but Jesus was calling me into a new level of friendship with Him.
• Jesus is a manifestation of God's great Mercy and Love
• He is the giver of Peace

• Jesus intercedes for us, even better than we can for ourselves...His desire is that we receive wholeness and restoration.

• Jesus indeed does love me and has been carefully listening to and storing up my prayers over the past years...in His perfect timing He decided to say *NOW* in opening up the blessing storehouse for me.

He has many names that I never thought of as being Jesus...

the Alpha and Omega (from the Greek first and last alphabet letters-

somehow in my mind this was the Father God), 

Counselor (which is one who gives wisdom and guides you in your life choices and decisions),

Wonderful (need I say more?), the Almighty (somehow I thought this referred to the Father God), 

the Upholder of All Things, 

the Power of God, the Wisdom of God,

and the Gift of God. 

These names of Jesus became real to me in a new way in our time alone.
In my next post I will share the prophetic dream God sent me during the last few days of my time with Jesus.  The dream came...I knew it was from God, like all the other times since my childhood that I just knew that God was speaking to me in a dream.  Suddenly 3 days later, He began to tell me what all of it meant. It was *and IS* very cool!

  Good stuff..hope you'll check back in and see what He had to say to me.

Jesus and Me-Removing Evil

As I have been spending this month in prayer and time with Jesus, I have been learning that truly there is power in words.  The words that a friend spoke to me not only hurt me in that moment that they were spoken, but they have clung to me and have oppressed me.  I began to see that the words were not only mean, but injurious to my very spirit.  

The words began to torment me and cause a great sadness to fill my heart.  All of this I brought before God.  I humbled myself under His hand and asked Him to reveal anything in me that needed to be confessed; anything that was sin in His eyes regarding the way I had conducted myself within this friendship.  He brought no charges against me, but has showed me that I only spoke what He had shown me.

It is definitely hard to do the right thing.  Sometimes it can bring injury to your very spirit.  

Last night as I was coming home from a prayer class I am taking at my church, my girlfriend said she could not only see the oppression I have been under, but she could actually feel it.  She began to speak wisdom to me, to pour confidence back into my heart.  She prayed over me release.  Something I hadn't prayed for for myself, but agreed that it is time.  I have spent enough of myself, perhaps more than was asked of me in holding this injurious friend up.  Instead of cursing, I chose to bless her in my heart and in my prayers.  Though I had a growing fear of her rising over me, which I guess I was unaware.

However, it began to consume me and my heart became heavier and heavier under the burden.  I do think it is good to have your heart broken for the things that break God's heart, but there is also a time to remove yourself from evil (things that are hurtful, and injurious to your being).  

God led me to Psalm 37 this morning, as Jesus beckoned me out of bed to spend time with him. 

I have a new understanding of this verse:

27  Depart from evil, and do good, and dwell for evermore

Depart (from Noah Webster 1828 dictionary) : to go or move from, to separate from, to remove

Evil:  having bad qualities of a natural kind, qualities that lead to injury, that which brings sorrow or calamity or loss, that which disturbs your peace, which impairs happiness, and destroys perfection of natural beings.  That which brings pain or distress.

It is clearly time to let go.  Time to move forward and not to carry the baggage any longer.  The words she had spoken became an oppression to my spirit.  Perhaps even a spirit was attached to those harmful words spoken to me, that last night I suddenly became aware of in my tears.  I realized that beyond the pain, that I could feel a spirit of oppression sitting on me.

  Quickly I commanded it to go- with the authority I have been given in Christ.  I am covered not only by my loving God and Savior, but by my true friends.  

I am seeking God for His wisdom, for strength and for Him to help me not walk in fear (worry, fret, anxiety) in this situation, but to now walk in courage and in boldness in it.  

Courage is a decision...

boldness begins in the heart and flows out into our actions. 

Courage is knowing who our confidence is in, 

boldness is executing that courage from within to without (how we choose to live and be).

In courage and in boldness (from Him) comes freedom.  

 Certainly it gives a liberty from oppression caused by evil.

I am living my life to please Him, I am walking forward in a new strength, with hope, courage and expectation that He is not only the keeper of my head, heart, soul and spirit; but also that He is giving me peace from that which has been controlling me this past year.

Jesus and Me...Revision or RE~VISION!

Just wanted to share some of my time with Jesus...

seems I got that little phrase wrong that I heard Him whisper to me 

(note to self, write it down when He says it)...

what I thought He said~

"Sometimes we walk down bunny trails, other times we walk down paths of lions."

As I was spending time with Him, He graciously corrected me.  

He said, "That isn't what I said or meant. This is what I meant...

"Sometimes you walk down bunny trails (easy, carefree times in life) and other times you walk down the Lion's path." (Lion-meaning Jesus- Rev. 5:5) 

Oh the difference of an apostrophe and a capital letter!

The Lion is one of the characterizations of Jesus.  It shows His power and authority.  Jesus is telling me that this path (direction, way of life) is going to be a time of direct contact with Him.  It is a time where I will know His Presence, His love, His power and His authority in my life- in a much deeper and meaningful way than I have. We will be walking down His path, the one He has chosen and one that will bring us into His Presence!!
(***and in His Presence is healing...
which will remove the heaviness of Spirit that I have been carrying!)

How exciting is that?  

Psalm 73:28

But as for me, it is good to be near God. 

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge; 

I will tell of ALL Your deeds.

my prayer~

Oh Father; 

What will you teach me on the Lion's path? I sense it is narrow, with only room for my feet along its way.  But I know Lord that I never walk alone, for You are always with me.  Open my eyes Lord, make my heart soft in your hands.  Lead me down paths of righteousness for your namesake. Come Lord Jesus and guide and direct me on this path.

In Jesus' name Amen.

Jesus and me...the Beginning

Psalm 53:2

 God looked down from heaven upon the children of men to see if there were any who understood,
who sought (inquired after, SEEK, and desperately required) God.

As I sought God on how to begin this series, that He has placed on my heart, I kept hearing this phrase repeated over and over to my heart...

Sometimes we walk on bunny trails, 

sometimes we are called to the path of the lions. 

Regardless of which path you find yourself on, when you are His, you never walk it alone.

This is our starting point.  Grab your game piece, which is your very life submitted into His loving hands

and lets begin along this path He is beckoning us to today.

If you want to join me in this,

leave me a comment and we can check in on each other over the course of this month. 

*(leave me an email and your name please). 

I am going to keep a notebook of my time with Him 

and what it is He is speaking to my soul in this season, 

I encourage you to do the same.

Let's press in together to know Him better. 

The Word tells us that Jesus is sitting on the right hand of God and though His work is finished, 

even now Jesus Christ is praying for us

and bearing our needs, 

wants,

and desires to our Father.  

The Bible also tells us that He delights in us,

wouldn't you like to get your mind and heart around that?

The Bible, both Old and New Testament defines the work *seek* as:

to seek the face of God; to desire;

to examine or or explore; 

to seek earnestly;

to diligently search for;

to wish for;

to crave; 

to investigate; 

to pursue.

Psalm 53:2

God looked down from heaven upon the children of men to see if there were any who understood,

who seek (inquired after and desperately required) God.

are you ready? 

...and if you need a Bible...
try these two online sources. 
Blue Letter Bible
BibleGateway