Three of my Loves

It is May and a level of Thanksgiving rises in my heart this time of the year, that is unparalleled to other non-holiday times of the year. 

 I LOVE MAY! 

 I wake every morning of May, thanking God for every little bit of this beautiful new spring day. 

Honestly, I don't know when my love for May rose up or for my love of lilacs.  I think my mum had her hand in the lilac love.

 I LOVE lilacs!

 As a child, we didn't have them growing in our large yard,
 but would go for drives in May and find abandoned old bushes.
We would pick armfuls to bring home and enjoy.
  My mum must have been on the lookout all year,
come lilac season we would take our adventuring hearts out of their 

cold-winter-New- England slumber

 and would head to her favorite 'lilac liberating' locations.
We would march through field turned forest to find the giant old bushes;
mama and her three littles (me being the oldest). 

Their heavenly smell would greet us as we stepped out into the crisp spring air.  We would park our Volkswagen bus by the forest edge and trek in to gather armfuls of fragrant lilac bunches.  My sweet mum was highly sensitive to the effects of poison ivy and many times would end up covered in it, but still each new May would bring our liberating of lilacs.  Fortunately my siblings and I could roll in poison ivy back then and see not a spot of it upon our wee little bodies.  Times sure do change!

So far I have shared my love of May, my love of lilacs and now I will share the last piece of today's three loves;

 my love for God. 

Here is a prayer I wrote down to my Father this morning in my journal.  He is who I speak to every morning, upon the slightest movement toward awakening.  God is the one who allows me to wake to another day, May or not.  He is the one who has wooed me to His heart and made a place for me in His family. He has given me a heart to love and to enjoy; 

 Oh, that I would live out of that love to bring Him joy!

Oh Lord, 

 

help me,

 

correct me, 

 

 teach me, 

 

show me, 

 

lead me, 

 

fill-me-afresh 

 

and use my life,

 

 that others may be drawn to You.

 

in Jesus' name I ask it.

 

amen

The Past and the Future

As I was looking for something to write about, I came across this old family picture.  My sweet father, Laszlo and my mum, sandwich me in this old photo.  I am not sure who the woman is along side my dad, but assume it is an aunt. This picture gives me joy, but also stirs up a great sadness.

My dad has been gone for over 24 years now.  He took his last breaths just before my one and only pregnancy brought forth his first grandchild.  He never met any of his grandchildren and the loss has been huge to us all.  As you can see he found joy in family.

  My dad loved people and was always humming a song or singing.  He was a people guy and one who would give his shirt to anyone in need.  Proof of that would be the hundreds of people that came to his funeral; that I never met, but all had a story of how my dad had helped them.  He was loved and one who loved generously. Not many went through the line with a dry eye or without sharing in an unheard story of something my wonderful father had done for them.

Looking at me as a baby, I wonder by the look on my face if I am like him.  People have been more of a struggle for me.  I would love to be like him in that regard, but I find many times that relationships are complicated and that anything beyond the surface is really hard.  My heart longs to love, which I try, but not with as much ease as my father did it in.  It was a gift of his and one he used so very well.

My father was really laid back and I have been told that in that regard we are alike. I am easy going and so was my dear father.  He was a man of great creativity and loved to design things of beauty (mostly with wrought iron).  I wish I had more to show you, perhaps I need to talk to my mum about old family pictures and learn the art of scanning.  Time is such a hard thing to work these days. I have been told I am creative, so maybe he gave me some of that too.

I miss my dad.  I am not sure of his walk with God.  He was raised in a religion and didn't see the need to make it personal.  My heart often wonders and longs to know more about his spiritual life and his relationship with God.  I guess in that we are very different, as pretty much everyone I ever meet soon knows about my love for God and my personal relationship with Jesus.  I am an evangelist at heart and long to see the gospel transform those it touches. The Word of God is transforming for sure.

Mourning for my dad has been a long journey.  So many times things pop up in life and I wish he were here, so I could ask him what he'd do.  So often I want him to rejoice with me, but have to release tears of knowing it is just not possible.  My children have heard many stories about Grampie Kiss, but that and a few photos and my wedding video is all they will know of him.

I told God that when I get to heaven I might just hug my dad first, if he indeed is there.  You see I expect to see Jesus, the Father and the Holy Spirit, but my dad isn't in the definite column for eternity in my heart.

The Word says that there is only one way to heaven and that is through Jesus.  It isn't a church or a denomination that saves you, only the blood of Jesus.  That blood covers over all of our sins that separate us from a Holy God.  When we (each/individually/personally) confess our sins, and ask for forgiveness, He eagerly takes up position as Savior.  We make Him Lord as we give Him that position in our lives, every day thereafter.

The Savior is the only one who saves.  It isn't based on our goodness.  The Bible tells us none of us are able to earn our way there (Romans 3:23).  I hope my dad made that decision for himself, to invite Jesus to be his Lord and Savior- if he did he never told me.  We talked about my faith a lot, but he never moved from his views.  He listened, he was a great listener, but he never told or showed me differently before he left.

I share all of this very heartfelt stuff to say,  please don't put off what you should do today.  Please don't leave this earth without Jesus. My dad left suddenly and unexpectedly.  He was too young, but it was the time that God had allotted him on this earth.


 Jesus came to give you life and give it to you in the fullest (John 10:10).

If you don't know Him, He is waiting.  For those who are praying for you, bless their hearts and tell them you have decided to invite Jesus into your life.  
It will make the world of difference for you and for them.

Of course my hope is in Him 

and that I can trust 

that He works all things (to those who love Him) for my good. 

My dad was my hero,

 he was my best friend, 

I miss him terribly, 

but

 I have to say Jesus is my hero too,

 and the Word tells us He is the best friend any of us could ever want.

Girl After God's Heart

Girl After God's Heart 

Episode One:

this is a post for me to share little spots of my heart.

my talks with God.  

prayers.

 poems to Him.

prophetic words.

a glimpse into the life and soul of a girl who is crazy for the God who has called her,

 adopted her,

 and continues to change her into the girl He intends her to become.

The Longing

Deep down in hidden places,

 lies within each,

 a desire,

it has no rest...

but continues silently awaiting for the Master's kiss.

The awakening waits for Him-

planted in the heart, it lingers, 

given at creation 

by the Father.

It lies eternally,

waiting on His Light.

The Light opens up such places,

beckoning to them,

 to come to Him,

Gladly they burst toward the daylight,

Seeking to fulfill destiny's appointment~

Sometimes fearful,

they come forward,

unsure of how welcome they 

truly are,

but as Light brings reassurance,

The Longing knows the Father's heart-

Holy Spirit  filling, drawing,

pulling giftings to the Light,

Oh Eternal Encourager,

help me give you all such places

of my life.

Prayer Request Sunday...Confession...

Today I am going to share something...

maybe you've been here before, 

maybe somehow you didn't hear or understand...

but today I want to make it clearly known 

(the confessional part of this post)

I am LOVED...

before I ever became a Christian, (which doesn't mean that I go to church, but means I follow and live my life for Jesus)

 I was loved. 

 Wondering what I am talking about?

  Well, it goes something like this, you've probably heard this or read it before...

but it says:

For God so loved the world (meaning people and all He so beautifully created)

that He gave (a free gift!)

His only Son

(my beautiful Jesus)

that whoever (me! me! me!  and I hope you too!)

believes in Him

(makes Him Lord and Savior)

will not perish

(die, waste away, have eternal separation)

but will receive (again the gift being offered)

Eternal life.

Now this gift and eternal life isn't only for the old, the sick, those who are desperate...but for any who will accept it. It is freeing, it is life changing, it is amazing...and I am IN!  I've been in (His Family)

and am so thankful to be loved.

YOU see He is offering a gift. 

 The gift is Jesus. 

He came wrapped in humanness.

Have you unwrapped the gift of Jesus...

He lived, He died, He paid the price with His  blood to bring you into His family.

There is only one way to become a Christian and it is through accepting Jesus.

I love Him, because He first loved me.  

Because of this love, I am a leaker of LOVE.  If you get close to me, I will inevitably leak on you.  You see, I am a lover of all things Kingdom related and want to be sure that you get a touch of Him, when you are with me.  

Light is in me, (Jesus is the Light of this world)...you can not get near me without having this Light seep out of me (because I am a leaky vessel).  He made me to be leaky on purpose.  He doesn't want me to contain this LOVE He has so freely blessed me with, He wants me to give it, to share it, to grow it.

So there...now on to the next part of this...

are you still an orphan...?

do you know the One who died to give you life ?(real life, not the stuff this world offers)

do you have His joy...?

do you know His goodness...?

He is most definitely GOOD...

if the answer is 'Yes,'  then Hurray...!

But if the answer is, 'No,"

 then don't waste another breath without joining the Family.

You have a Father (nothing like the earthly one you were given, whether that father was good or bad or somewhere in between)...and He loves you. 

 A LOT.

  He wants you, He desires you, He is waiting for you, He thinks you are beautiful, wonderful and you are pleasing to Him. He has plans for your life...come and see.

Please, please, please...say Yes to Jesus (leave me a note if you want me to pray with you.)

And if you do know Him,

 leave me a "I'm totally in too," note!

Let's be LEAKY this week!

10 Weird Things About Me

(thinking about 10 things you don't know yet)

10.  I can't stand the cotton in the top of the aspirin bottle- it makes me cringe.

9.  I don't like to drink water...really I have to force myself (bad, yeah I know).  
Of course if it's in coffee or a latte, bring that water to me baby!
Pipeline to Starbucks, sign me up.

8.  When I was six,  I walked to school on a day that was a holiday.  I knocked on all the windows and doors trying to get in.  A nice old man walking his dog came and told me that there was no school because of the holiday (not sure which it was) but he kindly walked me home.

  (and I wasn't in the least bit freaked out that he was a stranger. 

 Though my mom read to me Never Talk to Strangers (over and over!)

7.  I went to Hungary in the 3rd grade with my family, visiting my father's family. 
 I learned to say, "I love you grandmother." ("En is szeretlek Nagymama"....)

But when my meeting with my grandmother came, I froze up and hid behind my parents. 
It took days before my brain relaxed and I could finally say it.
 (My father was so proud of me!)

6.  As a kid I constantly dreamed that I would fly off the roof of my bedroom window. It was probably only 10 feet from the ground, but I used it as my launching pad for my dreams.

5.  I own too many homeschooling curriculum books.  Every year I vow to get rid of a few, but honestly somehow I am emotionally attached to them.  Weird, as most of them don't work for our style of homeschooling. 

4.  I like BIG dogs.  The dogs we keep getting are medium sized (labradors).  Someday I hope to have a giant dog, you know Clifford size.  Though I'd prefer something in the shade of blue gray over bright red.

3.  My mother liked to give us liver for dinner in my childhood.  When I became an adult I chose to be a vegetarian.  Never liked meat and don't miss it AT.ALL!

2.  I love to go to thrift shops, charity shops, Goodwill and Salvation Army stores.  Sometimes if I am having a bad day, post getting my kids in bed I will go on to ShopGoodwill and browse just for fun. 

I have been known to bid on occasion.

1.  I am a homebody. 
I do love to travel, but I love being home. 

 I think flight is a gift from God...

 think about that metal getting off the ground and landing in a different part of the world in a relatively short period of time.  

But, Home truly is where the heart is.

Moving Away from Home

This is a little memo to my heart and for you my friends... in just a few short moments, my homemade daughter will be leaving. 

 She is flying across the country, far far from the only home she has know.  She is happy.  We are happy too, as she will be going to make her home with her husband.  Her husband has been in the Middle East (Qatar) serving for the past 6 months in the Air Force.  They got married in May, he flew out a week later. She has been waiting home at with us; to which we are most thankful.  

We love our girl.  My heart is torn because of this love.  She is so much like me that I feel like I am losing a bit of myself in her leaving.  We have been inseparable until now.  Not that we aren't both individuals, but our hearts were firmly sewn, so carefully over the years, together.

 Perhaps it was homeschooling her from the beginning, or perhaps it was because children came so very hard to me.  Maybe it was because her name means consecrated to God, because she was a miracle.  We trusted God from the moment we found out that the miracle of "her" had happened.  We dedicated her back to Him from us first hearing that we were to have a daughter.  It was about trust then and I am learning that is still true today.

December 17th she will be leaving home.  I find myself holding her tight at each time I can manage.  I hold her extra tight, even my eyes are squeezed tight, so tight that little droplets find their way out and drip down this Mama's cheeks, making wet spots on wherever they happen to land.  

We adore her Beloved.  He is ours too.  But for now they will be in a far away land.  Too far for holding tight and too far for stitches holding hearts together-side by side anyway.

  She is a woman.  It happens so fast and kind of sneaks up on you. I got a glimpse of it back in the garden, as she slipped gracefully toward the altar on the arm of her handsome Papa.  The Holy Spirit whispered, "You need to let her fly."  I knew He was right, but just didn't know when that moment would be right.  Then I knew.

I am a very blessed Mama.  As I say it I am crying.  God allowed me to raise not only a beautiful 21 year old daughter, but a kindred spirit.  I will miss her something awful.  It will be hard, but God's grace will help us all through this transition.  My beautiful girl will set up house on an Air Force base with the man God's hand picked for her.  They will begin their journey He intended from them, before He ever even gave her to me.  

Love is good.  But love hurts.  Trust is good, but trust stretches us in ways sometimes we never imagine.  

When she leaves she will know she is loved. She knows how proud we are of her and how she has chose to live her life honoring the One we love.  She will know we are grateful for having her as ours and that whether near or far, she is always to be ours and very very loved.  

Life changes and God walks us through it.

The Knight and his Girl

5 Things That Excite You (and me!)

5 Things Series..

This time let's do 5 things that EXCITE you!

Kimmie:

1. The Holy Spirit's voice  (yes, God still speaks)

2.  Adoption- there are 147 million orphans,

minus the 7 God has let my family adopt!
With one still on the way!
*Unicef estimates 210 million as of 2010.
shocking, eh?

3.  Leading someone to Christ: 

Sharing the simple plan of salvation

4.  Walking in the woods amidst all the wonders God has made, the forest is my place of serenity.

5.  A clean house 
(doesn't happen often enough, but hey, it excites me!!)

Now how about you?

A Little More Popcorn Talk

Mentioning popcorn and it reminds me of God.  Kinda like, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.

Why?

Well, if you read a few posts back (the other popcorn post), you'd see we had a new 50 pound bag of popcorn.  It is our second bag.  The first bag was purchased a year ago from Sam's Wholesale Club, where I do most of our grocery shopping now. 

As I heaved the bag on to the conveyor belt that scooted it along to the cashier, the older man in front of me asked me what I was going to do with that much popcorn.  I told him I was the mother of 6 (then I was), and this was a great inexpensive snack. He looked at me and said he couldn't believe I had six children. (Bless his heart.)  Which of course led me into talking about God and our adoptions.

He smiled big and told me he had come from a family of eleven.  He told me that growing up was such a wonderful time with all of his siblings.  He then went as far as to bless me, literally.

Now, I don't believe in coincidences-I do believe in God.  Shortly before my *popcorn God chat* with this man, I had a chat with my Knight.  We talked about our family and our quiverful of children. Our quiverful is really a miracle, because as some of you know we battle years and years of infertility.  My heart's desire is  to have many children. Actually, it is the call on my life.  As we talked, I told my dashing Knight that I would love to have eleven children someday.  I asked him if he thought we ever could have eleven.  He said he thought God might lead us there in His perfect time.

Flashback to my conversation with the older man at Sam's Club.  He happened to come from a family with eleven children.  Happened, no not happened, only by the hand of God did his parents have eleven beautiful children.  And only by God's hand did he stand before me in that line and share this with me.

My heart received this with much joy.  It was almost if an angel had visited me.  To be honest, I often wondered afterwards if that man might have been an angel sent by God.  It wouldn't have been the first time He did.

In 5 days we will add our 8th child.  My infertile barren womb is dancing again at this.  And just so you are not surprised, I'd love eleven children...so hold on to your hats and let's see what God has for us! 

Ethiopian Princess we love you.  We can't wait to kiss your beautiful face and hold you.  We have cleared our lives back home as much as possible, as we want to just breath you in for the next year.  God has chosen you for us, how blessed and thankful we are!

And maybe now you will never think of popcorn the same either.

A Bit of Restoration for Kimmie

I have to admit that I came across a new blog two weeks ago, one that made me feeling rather blue.  All that I saw was a girl I used to be.  She was a girl with a Bohemian swing to her.  She was creative, so colorful and fun in her personal style.  Upon meeting her, I realized that something of me had become lost.  I actually found myself crying about it.  And the truth was, I wasn't even hormonal. 

My girlfriend, Beth came over, and I found myself actually crying telling her.  Beth has known me for awhile, she knew me when I used to be, well more like me.  I realized that after the last two adoptions, somehow I had taken a major back burner.  With good reason, as my last two adoptions were major transitions for all of us.  One doubled us in size and one was a major battleground with the enemy of our souls.

One adoption, we thought we were only babysitting for 10 days (respite care for 3 children in foster care) and one where we began in Guatemala and ended in Ethiopia after a 3 year battle.  Both brought us beautiful children, but both came with an element of surprise and spiritual attack.

I think in the weariness I became lost.  My focus was on children, on motherhood, on healing them.  As it should be. But that doesn't mean that I have to forfeit me.  I know because I asked God.  And I know that what I am saying isn't selfishness.  God made me to have more dimension!

I have brought it to God and He is beginning to work on restoration.  God cares.  He made me and knows.  I am going to spend a little time on me, God said I could.  And in truth, it will make me a better tool in His belt; as I will be functioning from who God made me to be.  I am excited, as it will make me a little fuller in my dimension as a person.  Afterall, Kimmie is not just a mother, not just a girl called to adoption, but a girl who has many other facets too.  God is polishing me, He is going to let me see His hand upon me in restoration.

 sigh. 

I am glad.

Passion...Got It?

Passion....it's when everything comes together to make you feel most fulfilled and excited about life.

I am a blessed girl...one that has been given a HUGE passion for orphans.  I wouldn't change it for the world, as it is something that has brought such joy and such absolute fulfillment. So, as hard as this adoption road can be; I am grateful to have such a call on my life.  I am thankful to have a heart that is filled to the brim with compassion for those who are without, though sometimes it nearly drives me wild.

Adoption...my passion...

Family...my blessing...

God, the giver of all of the above.  Praise to His Holy Name.

And thank you for your prayers, yesterday's post, made me realize how rich I am in friendship.  So many of you told me, 'you loved me' and that you were truly covering me in prayer. 

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Things We Love: Sweet Goodness & Orphans

As Princess Mercy loves her ice cream; her Mama loves adoption.

If given the opportunity she would have it always; if given the opportunity I would adopt all 143 million orphans.

Mercy thinks its sweet: I know the sweetness of adoption-daily I see the six beautiful children that God has blessed my Knight and I with through the wonder of adoption.

Won't you ask God if He has adoption for your family?

And if you have a minute...check out the orphan doll website...this week they are moving to visit a new family!

www.orphandoll.com

An Upsetting Dream

If you've known me for more than 5 minutes, you know I have a passion for orphans.

My Knight and I are standing in a place currently, where we are seeking God on *who* He wants us to adopt. Basically, we are asking Him to tell us in detail whether a sibling group or a baby from Ethiopia. We are pretty sure He is leading us back to Ethiopia, but we of course will be listening for any and all specifics. We don't have the money needed for another adoption, honestly, we never had in any of our adoptions. We have always seen Him make a way-with each adoption we've needed to rely more and more on Him, as we've already given all we have. How exciting is that, to wait expectantly for $30,000 if it is a sibling group!

Last night I had a dream, it broke my heart- I need to share it today. It was about 2 children who are yet to be mine? Prophetic, perhaps?

In the dream we are sitting in a semi circle of folding chairs. They are set up outside, most of the chairs are empty. Way down on the left side are 4 children, all about the same age. Two are mine, two are not. The two who are not say to my two, "Our mothers told us the only reason you are here, is that your parents are dead.'

The mothers were sitting on the far right end of the chairs, totally unaware that their 'conversations' were out of the bag and that I had heard.

Now it might have been true, that their birth parents were dead, but the fact was that what those two children said, was just plain mean. My children sat there stunned, hurt and without words. I could see their eyes swelling with tears, that they valiantly tried to hold back.

I, on the other hand began to weep uncontrollably. I was standing to the back of the chairs, enough distant back that no one could see me. My tears flowed at the cruel words that had stung my children's heart. Words that couldn't be taken away, a hurt that only God could heal. No one came to comfort them, no one came to comfort me. I was stuck and unable to move. I couldn't stop crying, the pain from the tears was wrenching my heart- I thought it might literally burst open.

Then I woke up. An hour later, and still my stomach feels sick from it.

Would you pray for my family? Would you consider adding us to your prayer list. We sure do need to hear from heaven on our adoption, that will begin in October.

As a woman who has had years of infertility, my heart longs for a tiny baby. I don't want to decide based on my *wants,* I want to clearly hear from heaven...as His will is better than mine. How do I know? Well, let's just say that 4 of my children came at 3.5, 3, 4 and 5...at times in my life when I was *desperate* for a baby. I had to set aside my will during these adoptions, to say 'Yes,' to His perfect and pleasing will. AND I am so glad that I did, I worked my way away from the tears of *no tiny baby* and opened my heart to the older *babies* He destined for me. They were perfect for our family, chosen by God and we couldn't love them more.

My heart's cry is more of You Lord, less of me. Pressing deeper into my soul, deeper into prayer and tuning my ears to my Father's voice-knowing that He will leads us on roads of righteousness for His namesake. Seeking Wisdom and reading this today with more tears:

seeking God's will

and

Peace only He can give me

From deep within

I have to confess, I have a broken heart.

If you have ever experienced one, you'll be sympathetic. If you ever browsed pages of

*waiting children* perhaps you will be able to relate.

On Friday, I popped into our agency's waiting child pages. For the past few months, we have been praying over a sibling group of three. I had cried out to God so many times for Him to rescue them. I asked Him if it could be *us.* We talked to the agency, but they said we had to wait the full 9 months post adoption. The rule is so that bonding could happen and be well rooted, before you embarked on becoming emotionally involved in another adoption. I understand the rule, I just don't like it. Especially now.

Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled they found a family for them. However, I really did love them. I find myself crying as I pray, crying as I read my bible, thinking about how I opened my heart to them.

Of course this isn't the first time this has happened.

Actually, it has happened a lot of other times too.

Having a tender heart is a gift I am told. Sometimes I have to bow my head and just cry. I know full well, that Jesus is asking me to live it out. He doesn't desire that I keep my heart for myself, but that I open it up, pour it out and offer up the shattered pieces once again to Him.

Its good that I know He is in the healing business.

God has *others* for us, in due time He will direct our path. You and I can count on it. But for now Lord, would you watch over those 3 wee ones and prepare them for their new family. Let the healing begin and let them grow in wisdom and knowledge of You all of their days. May love flood them and may they receive it and give it out with abandon.

I ask this in Jesus' name. amen.

More of my heart

Words, most of the time they spill out of me. Today I am finding it hard to put them in order.

I rose early to take my Pirate to the oral surgeon. Our biggest girl needed all 4 wisdom teeth removed bright and early. I stopped by the study and opened my journal (my blog) ... there was a note that someone from Homeschool Blog Awards had come by sometime recently. I followed the link and came to a category of this years nominated names under the heading of Best "Live-What-You-Believe" Homeschool Blog 2008. The sun wasn't up yet, the coffee hadn't begun its work coursing through my veins...I saw all of the blogs listed and thought how wonderful...never seeing my own listed. Then after rereading through all of them, my eyes fell on Over the Moon with Joy. I blinked hard. I blinked again. What was I reading again, I reread the title of the category. The tears began falling.

How amazing that someone thought that they saw Jesus in my blog...that my faith shines in my words and pictures here. That my posts reminded them of God...well, that is what my take on the category is anyway. I bowed my head and thanked God, my tears spilling onto the protective plastic covering, pooling together until my God could put them in His jar that He has of all my tears.

You see it wasn't about winning, it was the fact that someone thinks I'm a Light. God told me He wanted me to begin blogging, He told me He wanted to use my life to bless others. Who would think that in a little over a year that I have touched at least one person who would see my blog as such as this category holds. I am blessed to be grouped with such other women, women whose lives I esteem.

Then a few hours later a comment from sweet Tammy (mother of 9-be still my heart!) tells me that I was also nominated in another category~ Best Cyber -Buddy Blog 2008. This is too much, my heart is flooded with emotions and again I am overwhelmed by the thoughts behind the nomination. Someone thinks of me as their friend. Friendship to me shows a mutual love, a pouring out and a taking in. Deep things to ponder for my joy filled dancing heart.

I explained to my Knight that my heart is deeply moved because the two main reasons I blog is:

that I desire to share my God and my Jesus with the world

and

to be friends with whoever God sends.

You see it is all about relationships for me, you can't make an impact in someones life unless there is a relationship. I want God to move in your life, I want to see it because I really am your friend, in my heart.

Words, words...

hope they fell in a place that shows gratitude that spills over into small wet pools of joy.

Prayer Request Sunday- Am I called to adoption?

Morning friends! Can I pray for you this week, leave me a comment or send me an email and I will be happy to pray for you.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement this past week. It truly blessed my heart to know that God has sent so many to believe with us not only for the adoption of *Little Beauty*, but for being intercessors for the orphans and the situation with adoptions worldwide.

Have YOU asked God if he wants you to adopt?

Have you ? Yesterday's post won't leave my head or spirit, I feel as if God has called me to be a cheerleader for adoption. Do you know that an adoption through your state system (here in Connecticut it is called Department of Children and Families: D.C.F.) is very affordable. Our adoption of Princess Sunshine cost all of $150.00 the day at court when we were sworn in as her new parents. Our 'triplets' adoption (our three wee ones) was no cost at all. The state also offers the kids insurance. even post adoption. While you are doing foster care (prior to adoption) the state gives you a monthly stipend to help you to care for the children. Sometimes this continues even after adoption, depending on the needs of the children.

Will you be bold and seek God on whether that 7% that I am praying and believing to come forward, to stand in the gap for the orphans around the world...is perhaps you?

You'd be amazed at how many people tell me that they feel adoption is in their future, but haven't asked God to give them His timeline. I am a firm believer of 'running' straight into it...if God doesn't want you to, He will shut the door. Begin to walk out the steps, call your state agency, go to the first orientation meeting (ITS FREE)...begin praying and see what the Holy Spirit begins doing.

I am passionate about orphans, my friends this week told me that perhaps I will never meet another, who is as passionate as I am about it. So forgive me for 'coming at you' ...but when I look at the situation around the world and my state, I am so angry. I am angry that the devil is going to hold these innocent children in darkness, I am *spitting mad* and I am tired of his evil games.

These are just innocent children, they have suffered all kinds of loss and harm, they just want to be loved, just like you and me. They want to know that they have worth, that someone loves them...we are called to love one another as we have been loved (by God). You can do it, it isn't hard-God will send you support-you won't have to do it alone...I PROMISE. I will be here for you and God will bring others around you to help you walk it out.

BUT

it all starts with you asking the Father if its "YOU," He is calling. PLEASE, ask Him, PLEASE seek Him on it...and please, come tell me WHEN you hear what it is that HE wants you to do. Because as Believer's He does want us to **Do** something...

(here ar 3 versions of the same verse...)

James 1:27 (Contemporary English Version)

Religion (worship) that pleases God the Father must be pure and spotless. You must help needy orphans and widows and not let this world make you evil.

New Living Translation:

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.

The Message (1:27)

Anyone who sets himself up as "religious" by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless (widows and orphans) in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.

Please take 5 minutes to listen to John Pipers message on adoption, he is saying what my heart is screaming.

Infertility thoughts

Lately, as I have been preparing for speaking on June 28th, I have been thinking about the years of my life that have been infected (yes, not affected) by infertility. I also have realized that I have shared very little about this part of my life, honestly I am not sure why. Other than perhaps that it is hard to put words around, tears are easy, words can be difficult.

Since I was a newlywed, I have known that there was a great possibility that I was infertile due to a heart condition I was diagnosed with in my twenties. A big piece of information to chew on and to carry when you are 20 and just married. I am grateful that since I was 14 I have known that adoption was part of my life. It was at 14 that I heard God speak. I can't tell you if it was the audible voice of God, or the inaudible-audible voice of God within my heart...it was so real. But at 14, God asked me to adopt children.

The slight problem I had with this is that He allowed me to get pregnant once, out of the blue and totally unexpected. I adored pregnancy, though mine was shrouded with Fear, due to the fact that I had a heart condition, that I had been on serious heart medications and had slipped from my first trimester into my second, without knowing I was pregnant. I thought all the nausea was from the new heart meds and honestly I was on birth control pills too, as my cycles were so screwy. Who knew!

The battle of infertility began afresh after my daughters birth, as then they diagnosed me with secondary infertility, like being already diagnosed as infertile wasn't enough. I spent years trying to conceive, trying and failing, even with the help of fertility specialists, numerous surgeries and fertility drugs. Until I came unraveled and honestly thought I couldn't bear up under the emotional pressure any longer.

To the end of self is always good, a heap of tears is a place where God can come and minister to you. And He did. You see, the 'Fertility Seeking Days' were not God's plan for my life, those days were all about self and Fear. My doctors had told me if I didn't seek help, I'd never get pregnant again. I couldn't see beyond those words, beyond the fear of no control, BUT God could.

When I cried out to Him, He came, He forgave me and He opened the door to our first adoption. It happened within 4 days of me puddling on the floor and crying out to Him.

I have lived as a BARREN woman for so many years, but honestly God has made me fruitful. He has taken me from Barrenness and brought me to a place of abundance. He has spoken to me and brought me out of times when I was not only physically barren, but also spiritually barren. I am still infertile, my womb is closed, sometimes it aches and calls out to me. Those days are filled with tears, sometimes the devil kicks me hard and makes me think God has forgotten me. Of course it is a lie, he is a liar and only wants to destroy us.

My hope and strength are in God. And even if my womb remains barren, I refuse to accept spiritual barrenness, this I can control and I will seek Him. You see, I am desperate for Him, for without Him I am nothing.

Woodland escapes

I have a confession, I adore the forest.

I love trees, birds, every piece of moss, the silent peace that floods you, as soon as you step into the woods. And if there is a pristine stream, well count me in to kicking off my shoes and enjoying the luxury of dipping in my piggies!

I love that I live tucked away among the trees and that our home away from home is on the tippety-top of a mountain that is covered with trees. A tiny dirt road winds its way to our hidden bungalow and then sneaks to the peak, before winding down back down to civilization. These were given to us by God, He knows just how to bless my heart.

I am always happy to share my love of the woods with anyone that is willing to come. I can't help myself, once I am in the forest, something within me springs out and I begin to let all the stored up knowledge come out. I don't even realize I am doing it, until someone tells me I should write all that I have learned down.

The joy that is hidden under that canopy of leaves and branches. The trees are my friends, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Out of the forest and back to reality, don't worry my beloved forest, we'll be back again soon.

Prayer Request Sunday

Hope this finds you well and that you had a great week. Mine was a bit stretching, you see I got asked to be a speaker at a women's luncheon. Now, this may seem very fine to some of you, but as I am not a 'upfront' with a microphone type. Well~let's say that this is a bit out of my comfort zone. (to say the least.)

However, my Knight and children are rooting me on, saying stuff like,"You can do it!" "It just like reading a story, but it is just your life that you'll be talking about." "You were asked for a reason." "If you're afraid, then you definitely have to do it."

YIKES!

All very valid points, but still my stomach is flipping. I have a week to pray about it and already I think God has been giving me a gentle nudge. It's not like I don't want to share my testimony, just the thought of all the eyes upon me, kind of flips me out. Will you pray for me?

How about you? Can you use some prayer (who couldn't, would be my response!)? I'd love to stand with you believing God. Drop me a comment or send me an email, either way, I am looking forward to hearing from you. Be stretched and don't get to comfortable where you are standing, because God will notice and ask you to leave the comfort of your box! But don't worry, it will be good for you. How do I know, well let me just say, it is what I have personally been hearing!

And please take time to read this bible verse...as it truly is a timely word.

I always pray, I don't faint, quit or give up. Luke 18:1

Prayer Request Sunday

Hey all my friends both near and far-how are you today?

God is good and has been showing me areas I need to hand over to Him (and stop taking back). For those of you who have been praying for me (as some may have been thinking, that girl is going to get struck by Lightning if she keeps it up), I want to say thanks SO MUCH. God is removing the obstacles (fear) and opened a conversation with my Knight yesterday. He allowed me to lay out in the open, my fear that God has so graciously revealed to me this past Tuesday. In my great weakness, He is making me strong. He has more of my heart and I am going to set myself to stand my ground and not take back what I have given Him. I will only move forward, by His Grace and will never be the same again.

I encourage you all to ask Him for MORE-more of Him and less of you.

My Pastor has been sharing lately on the Kingdom of God and how it is a Kingdom of increase. God always has more for us, He wants us to seek the more, so His Kingdom can come here on earth, as indeed it IS in heaven. As I pray out over each of you, I will be praying,"More Lord." More faith, more wisdom, more health, more vision, more love, more opportunities, more ministry, more, more, more.....to your Glory God. We ask for fresh vision and fresh fire-come Holy Spirit and touch your children. Change us, that we may NEVER be the same again.

Beyond the MORE, is there something I can pray for you? Please drop me an email (see sidebar) or leave me a comment. I will add you to my prayer journal and seek God with you on your behalf. Our God is big, nothing is too small to bring Him and nothing, PRAISE GOD. is to Big!

Show us your heart Lord, and help us to be Your hands and Your feet. Strengthen us and help us to not walk in FEAR, but in the confidence that we grow in, as we realize that our Father is the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords-and we are His children, whom He loves with an abundant, everlasting, HUGE, Gigantic LOVE.

2 Chronicles 6:40"Now, O my God, I pray, let Your eyes be open and Your ears attentive to the prayer {offered} in this place.